(no subject)
Living with chronic depression.
There may have been a time, when I was young, when I wouldn't have believed that depression can be considered an illness. Because emotions are ephemeral and we kind of float in them, it takes a lot to step outside of ourselves and recognize what is and what is not working. By nature of the problem, it's effects are not easily categorized into concrete symptoms, so identifying the problem is the hardest part - that's why you see so many advertisements - it's because people may not know they have a problem in the first place.
For me, it's easy in retrospect to see the warning signs. Now I know what to look for. Medication helped to even me out, but that doesn't mean I don't still feel it from time-to-time. The scary thing about those times is thinking about how bad things might be without the medication. I've been there, and I don't want to go back.
Today was rough. I forgot to take my medication yesterday, but I took it today. Still I wonder if there was some delayed affect which caused me to feel the grab bag of emotions that I felt all day. That's a scary thought. It would reveal to me just how dependent I am on that stuff on a day-to-day basis. On the other hand, it could just be one of those days which, in the past, would have been devastating, but now, though still unpleasant, is merely a departure from the norm.
Having been through therapy, plus a number of other experiences I'm still not prepared to share, I'm lucky that I've been able to gain a bit of distance outside of myself. I think, really, that's the role that my therapist plays for me now... a chance to get outside of my own head. I've been able to establish basic strategies for dealing with things every day. I am changing, though slowly, and maturing toward something new.
I fell for someone rather hard recently. I've had crushes before, I'd even say I've been love - but I've never felt anything this acute to this degree. I've since thought to myself that it's possible I've only recently become capable of feeling that way about someone else since I've only recently become relatively comfortable in my own skin and capable of seeing my own value.
The road is long, the path is rocky and well worn, and the way ahead is often clouded in mist. But the thing to remember is this, no matter how difficult the road ahead, we are never alone in walking it.
There may have been a time, when I was young, when I wouldn't have believed that depression can be considered an illness. Because emotions are ephemeral and we kind of float in them, it takes a lot to step outside of ourselves and recognize what is and what is not working. By nature of the problem, it's effects are not easily categorized into concrete symptoms, so identifying the problem is the hardest part - that's why you see so many advertisements - it's because people may not know they have a problem in the first place.
For me, it's easy in retrospect to see the warning signs. Now I know what to look for. Medication helped to even me out, but that doesn't mean I don't still feel it from time-to-time. The scary thing about those times is thinking about how bad things might be without the medication. I've been there, and I don't want to go back.
Today was rough. I forgot to take my medication yesterday, but I took it today. Still I wonder if there was some delayed affect which caused me to feel the grab bag of emotions that I felt all day. That's a scary thought. It would reveal to me just how dependent I am on that stuff on a day-to-day basis. On the other hand, it could just be one of those days which, in the past, would have been devastating, but now, though still unpleasant, is merely a departure from the norm.
Having been through therapy, plus a number of other experiences I'm still not prepared to share, I'm lucky that I've been able to gain a bit of distance outside of myself. I think, really, that's the role that my therapist plays for me now... a chance to get outside of my own head. I've been able to establish basic strategies for dealing with things every day. I am changing, though slowly, and maturing toward something new.
I fell for someone rather hard recently. I've had crushes before, I'd even say I've been love - but I've never felt anything this acute to this degree. I've since thought to myself that it's possible I've only recently become capable of feeling that way about someone else since I've only recently become relatively comfortable in my own skin and capable of seeing my own value.
The road is long, the path is rocky and well worn, and the way ahead is often clouded in mist. But the thing to remember is this, no matter how difficult the road ahead, we are never alone in walking it.