(no subject)
I honestly wonder why I am still trying to be friends with these people.
We have nothing in common.
I always feel judged.
They are as elitist like I always suspected.
I can't talk about my passion or how I'd like to have money because it makes me a "consumer."
Fuck, I don't care about consuming. I enjoy having nice things. Sorry if that's so hard to understand.
This is why I don't like having friends. Too much fucking drama. I hate it.
My soul is tired of being poked and prodded by "meaningful, deep questions." I know who I am. Why do they have to know too? I'm getting sick of all their fucking bullshit.
Every time I encounter them, it's like all the soul-searching I've done becomes irrelevant. Like it doesn't matter that I, at the very least, have a sense of myself for the first time ever.
I don't want to be judged for drinking Starbucks, for being a city girl, for seeing movies multiple times a week.
I fucking hate when people go on and on about being "individuals" because the majority of those people still haven't found the things that make them truly unique. Most people who rebel against society are just as culty as the people they are rebelling against.
I can't comprehend how people think this is a "new age" and blahblahblah. Peace isn't going to come, get the fuck over it. World peace would fucking suck. You can't thoroughly enjoy pleasure until you've experienced some kind of pain, even if it's extremely minute. Take hunger for example. Food is always that much more enjoyable when you've suffered the pain of being hungry. Peace would make everything taste bland.
Despite all of this, I still don't judge these kids for being like that. I respect it because I respect them. Or at least I did until last night. I just don't get it. Honestly, I really don't. What did he ever do to them? No one deserves to be told "oh, we don't want you here, so you need to leave, but we're all going to keep hanging out." FUCK THAT. If I had known the situation beforehand, I would have said something.
This isn't who I am. I don't believe in "effecting change." I don't think you can truly cause change if you are seeking to. You shouldn't want to change the world just to change the world, you should want to change the world because you feel it in your gut. You should do it humbly. You should do it with pride. You should aim to fulfill yourself first and foremost, because if you don't have know how to do that, then how can you fill a gap in all of society?
I know I know nothing. I acknowledge that I don't have much of a so-say when it comes to real world issues. I understand that I can't possibly understand every aspect of world events, and no, my opinion really doesn't matter much. I don't think I'm better then them. I do think that I have obtained something most of them are lacking which is truth in myself. Even if I'm only a portion of who I will be when I die, at least I know that I won't go out of this world as a lie. At the very least, I can say I'm as true with myself as I know how to be.
These kids all think they have already experience real life. I'm not saying that I have either, but at least I know that. High school does not make you understand the world. The only way to understand is to become the world. I'm through wasting my life on meaningless rants about things I can't control. All I can do is takes things as they come, and mold them into opportunities. I'm simply seeking a truth. What truth? I haven't the slightest idea, but that's okay.
This post has official been too long, but it seems the perfect time to let out a longwinded rant.
We have nothing in common.
I always feel judged.
They are as elitist like I always suspected.
I can't talk about my passion or how I'd like to have money because it makes me a "consumer."
Fuck, I don't care about consuming. I enjoy having nice things. Sorry if that's so hard to understand.
This is why I don't like having friends. Too much fucking drama. I hate it.
My soul is tired of being poked and prodded by "meaningful, deep questions." I know who I am. Why do they have to know too? I'm getting sick of all their fucking bullshit.
Every time I encounter them, it's like all the soul-searching I've done becomes irrelevant. Like it doesn't matter that I, at the very least, have a sense of myself for the first time ever.
I don't want to be judged for drinking Starbucks, for being a city girl, for seeing movies multiple times a week.
I fucking hate when people go on and on about being "individuals" because the majority of those people still haven't found the things that make them truly unique. Most people who rebel against society are just as culty as the people they are rebelling against.
I can't comprehend how people think this is a "new age" and blahblahblah. Peace isn't going to come, get the fuck over it. World peace would fucking suck. You can't thoroughly enjoy pleasure until you've experienced some kind of pain, even if it's extremely minute. Take hunger for example. Food is always that much more enjoyable when you've suffered the pain of being hungry. Peace would make everything taste bland.
Despite all of this, I still don't judge these kids for being like that. I respect it because I respect them. Or at least I did until last night. I just don't get it. Honestly, I really don't. What did he ever do to them? No one deserves to be told "oh, we don't want you here, so you need to leave, but we're all going to keep hanging out." FUCK THAT. If I had known the situation beforehand, I would have said something.
This isn't who I am. I don't believe in "effecting change." I don't think you can truly cause change if you are seeking to. You shouldn't want to change the world just to change the world, you should want to change the world because you feel it in your gut. You should do it humbly. You should do it with pride. You should aim to fulfill yourself first and foremost, because if you don't have know how to do that, then how can you fill a gap in all of society?
I know I know nothing. I acknowledge that I don't have much of a so-say when it comes to real world issues. I understand that I can't possibly understand every aspect of world events, and no, my opinion really doesn't matter much. I don't think I'm better then them. I do think that I have obtained something most of them are lacking which is truth in myself. Even if I'm only a portion of who I will be when I die, at least I know that I won't go out of this world as a lie. At the very least, I can say I'm as true with myself as I know how to be.
These kids all think they have already experience real life. I'm not saying that I have either, but at least I know that. High school does not make you understand the world. The only way to understand is to become the world. I'm through wasting my life on meaningless rants about things I can't control. All I can do is takes things as they come, and mold them into opportunities. I'm simply seeking a truth. What truth? I haven't the slightest idea, but that's okay.
This post has official been too long, but it seems the perfect time to let out a longwinded rant.