Drinking Again?
Well, it's been an interesting few ... however long it's been.
First and foremost, my money situation is awaul (sp?). Deanne spoils me with things like video games, which I do love to play (especially the new Pokemon XD, hells yeah!!), but at the same time only working 2 shifts a paycheque isn't cutting it for the remainder of my credit card debt. And I'm going to have very little Christmas money!! I want to, especially for Deanne, buy nice presents, but I don't want to screw myself over like I did last year, because, if I continue to do so every year, I'm slowly going to accumulate great debt and, for lack of a better word, get fucked.
It's something that has plagued me since The Beginning. I care, but I don't. It's like, Iunno, I feel a deep passion locked somewhere deep inside of me. I want to bring happiness to the world, to my home, to my family, to the girl that I love. And I want to see these people happy, but I also have this perspective that I don't want to screw myself, because if those that I love love me back, they don't want to see me suffer to try to bring them happiness. I wouldn't want Deanne to sell Noel, her stuffed companion since she was 10, so that she could buy me the latest video game. My happiness wouldn't be complete lest she was happy.
So I wonder, do others feel the same way? Could my brothers be happy if they knew I sacrificed 5% GPA so I could work more to buy them a nicer present? That's just an example, obviously, and just glancing at the situation, even I would say that they would probably prefer a nice present over my doing just a bit better in school. But how far does it go? And to whom? I'm very apathetic, at least to my knowledge, but I can never get past the abstract. I can sense what others are feeling, but it's rare that I can sense exactly why, or exactly where they coming from. Perhaps it's the intelligence of knowing that they have lead a different life than I have, are viewing things through a different viewpoint, and I cannot possibly, truly relate.
This is a puzzle that has left me perplexed for a long time. I guess it's one reason gift-giving seems a bit strange and artificial to me, and that I was never offended by not being given birthday gifts from friends, except if the situation truly warranted a gift (for example, excuses given for not getting one, as if they were obligated, making it seem more like they didn't care enough to rather than that they couldn't or didn't believe in it, which is a truly different matter).
I think people have been raised a certain way, to certain customs, without really questioning the customs. It's valentines day, send a card. It's Mothers Day, take your mother to brunch and buy her a bouquet. It's Christmas, buy a Christmas tree, decorate it, and give presents to those you love. I don't think, at least to my experience, any of it has really had a significant meaning. You do it because you do, but it's not questioned.
Well, *ANYWAY*, on a change of topic, I got shafted out of hours that I don't really care about yesterday. Miscommunication, one of the mini-bosses apparent favourite workers being forgotten? Wtf! She gave me the shift on Tuesday, asked for the shift I had already taken to be covered on Wednesday....and well, the girl who was supposed to work the shift was late, so I covered her while she was MIA and then I went home when she got there. Waste of my gas and time, I think. I coulda slept.
When I got home, Deanne was sleeping. I played Pokemon XD. I woke her up several times, but she kept going back to sleep, until 12 hours later, at 5 am, she awoke. We haven't gotten to spend too much time together, I Was hoping yesterday, since she was supposed to wake up at 4:00 pm, we'd do something with eachother. I just mostly wanted to get out of the house and do something with Deanne. We used to go to the movies all the time, we'd go out to play pool, we'd go bowling, or w/e, and we don't do that so much anymore, mostly because we're so busy.
Deanne sleeps in the afternoons on days she doesn't have school, much to my disappointment. She has trouble sleeping in the morning, always has. Only problem is, usually the afternoon is the only time we're *both* not busy at work or school. Iunno, I've been expecting this the entire summer (going back to school and time togehter being mad cut) but it's still hard.
I realize this is really fuckin off-topic, but it's been on my mind for a while. Einsteins theory of relativity. If relative time slows down as you go closer to the speed of light, accordingly, as you approach the speed of light, relative time approaches zero. So doesn't that mean that you can travel infinite distance in ->0 time? Which means the speed of light is infinity, which means Einsteins theory is wrong, at least to my understanding.
I've been feeling very artsy lately, as Leana commented to that drunken fallen flower splur late last week. Perhaps even last post before this, if my memory is accurate. I've been noticing the dancing of the leaves more, especially at night. At night, I feel like my senses awaken. It's almost like there's a static in the air that cannot be rendered inert through traditional means...
I don't to get some sleep. Perhaps I will further delve into these mysteries at a later given time. Is Einstein wrong? Is Rob more artsy? is the world round and what happens when we fall off the edge? Tune in next week to find out! Same bat time, same bat channel!
First and foremost, my money situation is awaul (sp?). Deanne spoils me with things like video games, which I do love to play (especially the new Pokemon XD, hells yeah!!), but at the same time only working 2 shifts a paycheque isn't cutting it for the remainder of my credit card debt. And I'm going to have very little Christmas money!! I want to, especially for Deanne, buy nice presents, but I don't want to screw myself over like I did last year, because, if I continue to do so every year, I'm slowly going to accumulate great debt and, for lack of a better word, get fucked.
It's something that has plagued me since The Beginning. I care, but I don't. It's like, Iunno, I feel a deep passion locked somewhere deep inside of me. I want to bring happiness to the world, to my home, to my family, to the girl that I love. And I want to see these people happy, but I also have this perspective that I don't want to screw myself, because if those that I love love me back, they don't want to see me suffer to try to bring them happiness. I wouldn't want Deanne to sell Noel, her stuffed companion since she was 10, so that she could buy me the latest video game. My happiness wouldn't be complete lest she was happy.
So I wonder, do others feel the same way? Could my brothers be happy if they knew I sacrificed 5% GPA so I could work more to buy them a nicer present? That's just an example, obviously, and just glancing at the situation, even I would say that they would probably prefer a nice present over my doing just a bit better in school. But how far does it go? And to whom? I'm very apathetic, at least to my knowledge, but I can never get past the abstract. I can sense what others are feeling, but it's rare that I can sense exactly why, or exactly where they coming from. Perhaps it's the intelligence of knowing that they have lead a different life than I have, are viewing things through a different viewpoint, and I cannot possibly, truly relate.
This is a puzzle that has left me perplexed for a long time. I guess it's one reason gift-giving seems a bit strange and artificial to me, and that I was never offended by not being given birthday gifts from friends, except if the situation truly warranted a gift (for example, excuses given for not getting one, as if they were obligated, making it seem more like they didn't care enough to rather than that they couldn't or didn't believe in it, which is a truly different matter).
I think people have been raised a certain way, to certain customs, without really questioning the customs. It's valentines day, send a card. It's Mothers Day, take your mother to brunch and buy her a bouquet. It's Christmas, buy a Christmas tree, decorate it, and give presents to those you love. I don't think, at least to my experience, any of it has really had a significant meaning. You do it because you do, but it's not questioned.
Well, *ANYWAY*, on a change of topic, I got shafted out of hours that I don't really care about yesterday. Miscommunication, one of the mini-bosses apparent favourite workers being forgotten? Wtf! She gave me the shift on Tuesday, asked for the shift I had already taken to be covered on Wednesday....and well, the girl who was supposed to work the shift was late, so I covered her while she was MIA and then I went home when she got there. Waste of my gas and time, I think. I coulda slept.
When I got home, Deanne was sleeping. I played Pokemon XD. I woke her up several times, but she kept going back to sleep, until 12 hours later, at 5 am, she awoke. We haven't gotten to spend too much time together, I Was hoping yesterday, since she was supposed to wake up at 4:00 pm, we'd do something with eachother. I just mostly wanted to get out of the house and do something with Deanne. We used to go to the movies all the time, we'd go out to play pool, we'd go bowling, or w/e, and we don't do that so much anymore, mostly because we're so busy.
Deanne sleeps in the afternoons on days she doesn't have school, much to my disappointment. She has trouble sleeping in the morning, always has. Only problem is, usually the afternoon is the only time we're *both* not busy at work or school. Iunno, I've been expecting this the entire summer (going back to school and time togehter being mad cut) but it's still hard.
I realize this is really fuckin off-topic, but it's been on my mind for a while. Einsteins theory of relativity. If relative time slows down as you go closer to the speed of light, accordingly, as you approach the speed of light, relative time approaches zero. So doesn't that mean that you can travel infinite distance in ->0 time? Which means the speed of light is infinity, which means Einsteins theory is wrong, at least to my understanding.
I've been feeling very artsy lately, as Leana commented to that drunken fallen flower splur late last week. Perhaps even last post before this, if my memory is accurate. I've been noticing the dancing of the leaves more, especially at night. At night, I feel like my senses awaken. It's almost like there's a static in the air that cannot be rendered inert through traditional means...
I don't to get some sleep. Perhaps I will further delve into these mysteries at a later given time. Is Einstein wrong? Is Rob more artsy? is the world round and what happens when we fall off the edge? Tune in next week to find out! Same bat time, same bat channel!