(no subject)
So. The semester is basically over in two days. My last (and really only) real final is on the 19th, but my Origins of Christianity final will be happening on Wednesday during our last class period. I lost my job at the motel a few days ago, which sucked. :( I went in to work on Friday, and they told me we're closing on the 15th of December. Way to close 10 days before Christmas.
However, it looks like I've gotten a job at Ikea, which will be alright. It'll pay a bit more, but allow for a lot less studying to happen obviously. I will be eligible for dental after a few months, as well as an HMO plan.
I've just felt so down lately; this weather and the stress is really getting to me. I know I'm in a far better place, emotionally and mentally, than I have been the past two or so years. Still, I can't help but feel like things still seem bleak. I still have realistic dreams of being back in what was essentially hell for me - when I was completely taken by my depression and anxiety, failing at everything, letting everyone (including myself) down. I really need the next few weeks off to clear my head and get back to a routine.
This is the first time in my life where I've switched jobs this often, and its so off-putting. I hate training; I hate feeling like I am still learning something. Its part of the reason I stayed at restaurants for so long, especially Bob Evans and Uno - I had them completely down. I was a master at protocol and did well there. I was a trainer, I knew everyone, I was a veteran. I hate feeling new.
Everyone keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. I can't answer what I'm really feeling - I want to feel less anxiety, more happiness, more comfort in my life. I want to enjoy commuting more than I do at the moment, because its starting to bother me how much time I spend on the bus. I found a deal on a Netbook, which will allow me to take a computer to school. I remember when I used to make lists of things; makeup and clothes and shoes and purses and CDs and DVDs. Now that I'm older, I almost feel like I don't deserve Christmas. I haven't finished school yet, my parents have done so much for me, and I'm still not where I should be in my life. I almost don't want anything given to me until I get there.
I don't know why I'm so down tonight. I really should go back to bed.
However, it looks like I've gotten a job at Ikea, which will be alright. It'll pay a bit more, but allow for a lot less studying to happen obviously. I will be eligible for dental after a few months, as well as an HMO plan.
I've just felt so down lately; this weather and the stress is really getting to me. I know I'm in a far better place, emotionally and mentally, than I have been the past two or so years. Still, I can't help but feel like things still seem bleak. I still have realistic dreams of being back in what was essentially hell for me - when I was completely taken by my depression and anxiety, failing at everything, letting everyone (including myself) down. I really need the next few weeks off to clear my head and get back to a routine.
This is the first time in my life where I've switched jobs this often, and its so off-putting. I hate training; I hate feeling like I am still learning something. Its part of the reason I stayed at restaurants for so long, especially Bob Evans and Uno - I had them completely down. I was a master at protocol and did well there. I was a trainer, I knew everyone, I was a veteran. I hate feeling new.
Everyone keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. I can't answer what I'm really feeling - I want to feel less anxiety, more happiness, more comfort in my life. I want to enjoy commuting more than I do at the moment, because its starting to bother me how much time I spend on the bus. I found a deal on a Netbook, which will allow me to take a computer to school. I remember when I used to make lists of things; makeup and clothes and shoes and purses and CDs and DVDs. Now that I'm older, I almost feel like I don't deserve Christmas. I haven't finished school yet, my parents have done so much for me, and I'm still not where I should be in my life. I almost don't want anything given to me until I get there.
I don't know why I'm so down tonight. I really should go back to bed.