identity
I have begun to understand why I have a hard time feeling that I identify with people. It is hard to find a middle ground. I am interested in so many things it is hard to find someone that can understand and fortify all the interests that I have. I love makeup, and dressing up very zany. Going out in superhero capes and dancing and laughing and having fun. My need for hermit-like solitude parellels my equal need for extravagant zaniness.
I enjoy reading about theology. Kafka is delightful. The meaning of my life, the lives that others choose to live. What I expect of myself on a daily basis. My thoughts on the books that I read. The nature of the universe. Where everyone fits inside of it. Stephen Hawking. My childhood and how it effects me. Love.
When I see people I do not know sometimes I cry because I can see directly into them. I treat people with kindness. Giving because I want to, not because it will be my ticket to the "better" afterlife.
I have thought alot about the party that my friend and I went to a while ago. It was held by three strippers who lived in the same house together. There were no other women there besides the strippers, and one of them was dancing and being cutesie and wanting attention from these customers. There were tons of men there and I felt really upset. I wanted to leave immediately, but my friend had gone to school with one of the strippers, and it was her going away party. The other two strippers were pretty much not alive. One of them walked around with a sort of zombie like look on her face. She looked beyond everyone. She could not allow herself to be in the moment. The other one was quite mean. When I said hi to her she looked at me like I was going to steal her thunder. That made me extra sad for her. That she would actually value the attention of these cheezy, neanderthal men who watch her dance naked.
There is much more written about this in my diary. Livejournal is just a writers block helper. Its just so I won't forget.
Also.Sometimes I feel like because I have a fair amount of beauty on the surface of my body, my ideas and intelligence is discredited by other women who don't wear makeup or shave, or any of the other things identified with "liberated" women. It is hard for you to see a kind, intelligent, beautiful woman who is not disgusted with makeup and high heels. Granted I do not partake in the ritual of beauty to a very high degree, but let us not become one of them shall we? Don't assume that I am stupid because I am kind and wear makeup and laugh alot. I think you have alot of growing to do.
So in closing I would like to ask this question. Why lump me into some category? Why fix me with some identity? This is the downfall of female solidarity. It is labeling yourself so as to force other women out of your learning sphere. More so it is labeling other women based upon thier adherence to some small part of society that is also usually some small part of themselves.
Get over yourself. Welcome new ways of looking at the world, and be my friend.
I enjoy reading about theology. Kafka is delightful. The meaning of my life, the lives that others choose to live. What I expect of myself on a daily basis. My thoughts on the books that I read. The nature of the universe. Where everyone fits inside of it. Stephen Hawking. My childhood and how it effects me. Love.
When I see people I do not know sometimes I cry because I can see directly into them. I treat people with kindness. Giving because I want to, not because it will be my ticket to the "better" afterlife.
I have thought alot about the party that my friend and I went to a while ago. It was held by three strippers who lived in the same house together. There were no other women there besides the strippers, and one of them was dancing and being cutesie and wanting attention from these customers. There were tons of men there and I felt really upset. I wanted to leave immediately, but my friend had gone to school with one of the strippers, and it was her going away party. The other two strippers were pretty much not alive. One of them walked around with a sort of zombie like look on her face. She looked beyond everyone. She could not allow herself to be in the moment. The other one was quite mean. When I said hi to her she looked at me like I was going to steal her thunder. That made me extra sad for her. That she would actually value the attention of these cheezy, neanderthal men who watch her dance naked.
There is much more written about this in my diary. Livejournal is just a writers block helper. Its just so I won't forget.
Also.Sometimes I feel like because I have a fair amount of beauty on the surface of my body, my ideas and intelligence is discredited by other women who don't wear makeup or shave, or any of the other things identified with "liberated" women. It is hard for you to see a kind, intelligent, beautiful woman who is not disgusted with makeup and high heels. Granted I do not partake in the ritual of beauty to a very high degree, but let us not become one of them shall we? Don't assume that I am stupid because I am kind and wear makeup and laugh alot. I think you have alot of growing to do.
So in closing I would like to ask this question. Why lump me into some category? Why fix me with some identity? This is the downfall of female solidarity. It is labeling yourself so as to force other women out of your learning sphere. More so it is labeling other women based upon thier adherence to some small part of society that is also usually some small part of themselves.
Get over yourself. Welcome new ways of looking at the world, and be my friend.