B*L*A*H
Today was just kind of a blah today but I guess that kind of went with a blah week right?
It being Tuesday, I met with Donovan at the Coffee Shop at 2p. Mostly we are going over my Mission Statement and my Goals. I have a hard time making them, because I don't want to be dissapointed. I like doing 1 thing at a time, so I can focus on doing that the best I can. He just doesn't understand that. He feels like he's "failing me" or "wasting my time" which he isn't.. I just can't get him to understand.
So he told me to write more up and change things so we could talk about it tonight at work.. which we did. Lol.. he called me up every few minutes and told me another goal I could have or he'd come to the casino and mention something. He even called, said something, and hung up.. that made me laugh :)
SO I made another list, and I was actually quite proud of that list.. had a bunch of things on it. Rewrote my mission statement even. He came over and looked at them, and STILL told me I needed to rewrite them. I just feel like I can't do anything good enough for him. I just keep disspointing him because I can't do what he wants, and I swear I am actually trying. I just feel like a failure when it comes to Donovan. He even asked if I wanted to stop the coaching, which I almost said yes.
It isn't that I even want to stop, it's just that I can't seem to be good enough. And I don't think he realizes that every time I feel like I have failed I just feel like I suck. And this week hasn't been too great. I've felt like shit for a good majority of it and today just made me feel even worse.
For the first time in a LONG time (belive it or not) I actually felt depressed. Like I could feel it in my body and I hated it. Some of my old thoughts were coming back, and I don't want that. Because I fall to it. For some reason it has this hold on me that makes me it's bitch and I let it take me over completely.
I'm afraid of that.
It being Tuesday, I met with Donovan at the Coffee Shop at 2p. Mostly we are going over my Mission Statement and my Goals. I have a hard time making them, because I don't want to be dissapointed. I like doing 1 thing at a time, so I can focus on doing that the best I can. He just doesn't understand that. He feels like he's "failing me" or "wasting my time" which he isn't.. I just can't get him to understand.
So he told me to write more up and change things so we could talk about it tonight at work.. which we did. Lol.. he called me up every few minutes and told me another goal I could have or he'd come to the casino and mention something. He even called, said something, and hung up.. that made me laugh :)
SO I made another list, and I was actually quite proud of that list.. had a bunch of things on it. Rewrote my mission statement even. He came over and looked at them, and STILL told me I needed to rewrite them. I just feel like I can't do anything good enough for him. I just keep disspointing him because I can't do what he wants, and I swear I am actually trying. I just feel like a failure when it comes to Donovan. He even asked if I wanted to stop the coaching, which I almost said yes.
It isn't that I even want to stop, it's just that I can't seem to be good enough. And I don't think he realizes that every time I feel like I have failed I just feel like I suck. And this week hasn't been too great. I've felt like shit for a good majority of it and today just made me feel even worse.
For the first time in a LONG time (belive it or not) I actually felt depressed. Like I could feel it in my body and I hated it. Some of my old thoughts were coming back, and I don't want that. Because I fall to it. For some reason it has this hold on me that makes me it's bitch and I let it take me over completely.
I'm afraid of that.