what the hell
well last i posted i'd just gotten my heart broken. i wish life was not so difficult and confusing.
i feel like way too much has happened to me over the course of the last 12 or so months. i left the life i knew in rhode island, which including losing two very important people (joanna and vinnie) its like leaving family. i've worked 3 different jobs, and gone to school. i lost my dad, my sister moved away. i'm in a dead end joke that i can't seem to escape. i cry like its my job...when did this happen to me? ...i have however realized how much i love my mom. she was always there day in and day out when i was little. made sure i had breakfast, lunch and dinner, made sure i had clean clothes, took care of me when i was sick...yet i was a daddy's girl 100%. i guess he was always there for the fun stuff. i miss him soo so much, but everyday i get closer to my mom. she is such a strong woman and she amazes me. i cannot live without her.
i get really bad headaches everyday now. i think it a combination of disliking my job, stress of life in general, and it probably has a lot to do with all the different smells. i've decided to move back home. its something that i always knew i could do but just never wanted to. i feel like i'm a baby again. i want to start over, try again. i can't even afford to buy deodorant on my own...so beware until further notice. i'm so tired off bullshit. for years i always worry about everybody else...trying to make sure they are happy even if its at my expense. now though...i guess i've gotten bitter, or horrible, or tired...i really just want to love myself, and my family, and God to the best of my ability and i hope everything else will work out. it always does...i'm lucky. i feel badly cause i know that the decisions i make don't just effect me but i also know that if i don't take care of myself now i'm going to regret it in the future. i'm tired of being stressed and taking it out on all the wrong people.
i wish i knew what i needed and how to get it
i feel like way too much has happened to me over the course of the last 12 or so months. i left the life i knew in rhode island, which including losing two very important people (joanna and vinnie) its like leaving family. i've worked 3 different jobs, and gone to school. i lost my dad, my sister moved away. i'm in a dead end joke that i can't seem to escape. i cry like its my job...when did this happen to me? ...i have however realized how much i love my mom. she was always there day in and day out when i was little. made sure i had breakfast, lunch and dinner, made sure i had clean clothes, took care of me when i was sick...yet i was a daddy's girl 100%. i guess he was always there for the fun stuff. i miss him soo so much, but everyday i get closer to my mom. she is such a strong woman and she amazes me. i cannot live without her.
i get really bad headaches everyday now. i think it a combination of disliking my job, stress of life in general, and it probably has a lot to do with all the different smells. i've decided to move back home. its something that i always knew i could do but just never wanted to. i feel like i'm a baby again. i want to start over, try again. i can't even afford to buy deodorant on my own...so beware until further notice. i'm so tired off bullshit. for years i always worry about everybody else...trying to make sure they are happy even if its at my expense. now though...i guess i've gotten bitter, or horrible, or tired...i really just want to love myself, and my family, and God to the best of my ability and i hope everything else will work out. it always does...i'm lucky. i feel badly cause i know that the decisions i make don't just effect me but i also know that if i don't take care of myself now i'm going to regret it in the future. i'm tired of being stressed and taking it out on all the wrong people.
i wish i knew what i needed and how to get it