app.
Character: Jeff Winger
Series: Community
Age: presumably early 30s
Job: Counsel for the Director
Canon: Community is a television show about seven radically different students attending Greendale Community College who form a study group -- and ~*bonds for life*~ -- and navigate community college life and the ridiculousness that it may entail. The show follows their exploits as they do everything from making the production of the coveted cafeteria chicken fingers into a quasi-crime syndicate to crazy Rambo-esque paintball showdowns to somehow managing to get a flag with a butt on it voted in as the official Greendale Community College flag. Sometimes, they even study.
Jeff Winger is the de facto leader of this insane group. Snarky, glib, and cynical to no end, Jeff used to work as a lawyer before the Colorado Bar Association found out that his degree came from Colombia the country and not Colombia University. Whoops! In order to keep from being completely disbarred, Jeff attends Greendale to get a legitimate degree. More often than not, Jeff is sarcastic and treats the other members of his study group with mild disdain. Pop culture-related zingers are a part of his vocabulary! He can be competitive and cutthroat, often to ridiculous degrees, and gets a certain amount of satisfaction out of being the leader of the study group, even if it is an unenviable position. The group does, however, bring out another side in Jeff, something he refers to as "catching feelings."
Sample Post:
My client, Elizabeth Sayre, is unfortunately unable to be present at today's hearing to address the numerous complaints that the "campers" in this facility have raised against her. But with me as her counsel? I don't think we're going to have any problems with the whole absentee-ism issue. Besides, from the looks of this panel, that's going to be the least of our problems. I know that technically speaking, I'm currently not a licensed professional due to a small caveat the state bar had, but if we're going to nitpick with caveats here - I'm pretty sure all three of you could be considered legally dead. Let's keep this simple - you don't ask for my credentials, and I won't go looking into yours.
Let's cut to the chase and address the list of grievances or, as I like to call it, the list of "cry more." I mean, come on. This list looks like it was compiled by people who whine more than Sarah Palin, Paris Hilton, and those tools from "The Hills" combined. At the top of the list is "we can't have sex." Look, I'm hardly an expert, but from the summer camps I can remember? Sex wasn't on the list of camp activities. Summer camp is all about useless activities that no one actually does anymore. You make friendship bracelets, go on hikes, and nearly lose three fingers trying to whittle a log. I mean, who the hell whittles these days? Kids in summer camp. That's who.
And that relates to complaint number two: "we can't have real sugar." Last I checked, this place is a summer camp which is, by definition, a "supervised programs for teens and children." This isn't "The Biggest 16 and Pregnant Loser" camp and if it is, I want someone to lend me their shotgun after this hearing. By banning sugar products and forcing those in her facility to use substitutes like Splenda and occasionally sawdust, my client is trying to promote a healthy lifestyle. We may demonize those who have declined to renew lucrative deals with companies like Coca-Cola and Nestle to hawk their products to the youth in their attempts to guide the youth and instill a sense of good health and- what am I saying? That's possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard and no one should be shocked to hear that several states for some reason are out of cash. But regardless of that, somehow, in her little rustic and probably not bankrupt utopia, my client is attempting to foster good health by providing at least three square and sugarless meals a day. And there are people actually complaining about that?
Look. Let me level with you here - my client has funds for a legal team that would put OJ's to shame. Even if any of these claims actually had any merit, does anyone here seriously think it's going to make a difference? Because I don't. You guys may think she's psychotic? But I know she's psychotic. My client has no comment on any of these matters because I haven't even been able to speak with her about them. That's how much she cares. It's a good thing I care less than she does, because I was done with this hearing and this place about five minutes ago. Do we really need to address complaints three through five-hundred and thirty-six? "There's an impenetrable barrier that-" ...
Point of order: can I sue my own client? Or would that count as a conflict of interest.
[voting went here.]
Series: Community
Age: presumably early 30s
Job: Counsel for the Director
Canon: Community is a television show about seven radically different students attending Greendale Community College who form a study group -- and ~*bonds for life*~ -- and navigate community college life and the ridiculousness that it may entail. The show follows their exploits as they do everything from making the production of the coveted cafeteria chicken fingers into a quasi-crime syndicate to crazy Rambo-esque paintball showdowns to somehow managing to get a flag with a butt on it voted in as the official Greendale Community College flag. Sometimes, they even study.
Jeff Winger is the de facto leader of this insane group. Snarky, glib, and cynical to no end, Jeff used to work as a lawyer before the Colorado Bar Association found out that his degree came from Colombia the country and not Colombia University. Whoops! In order to keep from being completely disbarred, Jeff attends Greendale to get a legitimate degree. More often than not, Jeff is sarcastic and treats the other members of his study group with mild disdain. Pop culture-related zingers are a part of his vocabulary! He can be competitive and cutthroat, often to ridiculous degrees, and gets a certain amount of satisfaction out of being the leader of the study group, even if it is an unenviable position. The group does, however, bring out another side in Jeff, something he refers to as "catching feelings."
Sample Post:
My client, Elizabeth Sayre, is unfortunately unable to be present at today's hearing to address the numerous complaints that the "campers" in this facility have raised against her. But with me as her counsel? I don't think we're going to have any problems with the whole absentee-ism issue. Besides, from the looks of this panel, that's going to be the least of our problems. I know that technically speaking, I'm currently not a licensed professional due to a small caveat the state bar had, but if we're going to nitpick with caveats here - I'm pretty sure all three of you could be considered legally dead. Let's keep this simple - you don't ask for my credentials, and I won't go looking into yours.
Let's cut to the chase and address the list of grievances or, as I like to call it, the list of "cry more." I mean, come on. This list looks like it was compiled by people who whine more than Sarah Palin, Paris Hilton, and those tools from "The Hills" combined. At the top of the list is "we can't have sex." Look, I'm hardly an expert, but from the summer camps I can remember? Sex wasn't on the list of camp activities. Summer camp is all about useless activities that no one actually does anymore. You make friendship bracelets, go on hikes, and nearly lose three fingers trying to whittle a log. I mean, who the hell whittles these days? Kids in summer camp. That's who.
And that relates to complaint number two: "we can't have real sugar." Last I checked, this place is a summer camp which is, by definition, a "supervised programs for teens and children." This isn't "The Biggest 16 and Pregnant Loser" camp and if it is, I want someone to lend me their shotgun after this hearing. By banning sugar products and forcing those in her facility to use substitutes like Splenda and occasionally sawdust, my client is trying to promote a healthy lifestyle. We may demonize those who have declined to renew lucrative deals with companies like Coca-Cola and Nestle to hawk their products to the youth in their attempts to guide the youth and instill a sense of good health and- what am I saying? That's possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard and no one should be shocked to hear that several states for some reason are out of cash. But regardless of that, somehow, in her little rustic and probably not bankrupt utopia, my client is attempting to foster good health by providing at least three square and sugarless meals a day. And there are people actually complaining about that?
Look. Let me level with you here - my client has funds for a legal team that would put OJ's to shame. Even if any of these claims actually had any merit, does anyone here seriously think it's going to make a difference? Because I don't. You guys may think she's psychotic? But I know she's psychotic. My client has no comment on any of these matters because I haven't even been able to speak with her about them. That's how much she cares. It's a good thing I care less than she does, because I was done with this hearing and this place about five minutes ago. Do we really need to address complaints three through five-hundred and thirty-six? "There's an impenetrable barrier that-" ...
Point of order: can I sue my own client? Or would that count as a conflict of interest.
[voting went here.]