its been way too long!
i havent been on here in for fucken ever! since august! holy shit. so much has happend since then! i dont know if i should even bother trying to catch anyone up..cause im not sure that anyone even reads this anymore. but this was always the place i could come to and rant about anything.
the whole mike thing has finally ended....and it ended pretty badly. i found out he was cheating on me with this this...bitch. the one he claimed to hate so much. and his excuse, he was doing it for his son. so he could see his son. i guess in a way i cant say i blame him for it, entirely. i mean, i was the one that put myself in this situation even after everyone warned me about it. but still there i was. so wrapped up in all the crap that he would tell me. it makes me so sad when i think about it. i mean...all the shit he would tell me. about how much he loved me, and how he's never felt this way about anyone..everything we shared. all our "moments" seemed so sinere, and so real. andy and i were drinking together the other night, and he got a little tipsy, and we started talking about mike. and he told me that mike and him were getting drunk one night (ahah go figure) and that mike started talking about me. asking how i was doing, and if i hated him, when andy finally got fed up and was like "what the fuck do you care, you dissed her remember" and then mike started with his "but i still love her so much. and i miss her, and this isnt the way i wanted things to turn out, but my son comes first." and you know what..thats all fine and dandy, but what made him cheat on me with that bitch kryztal? i know he did it. im not stupid! anyways. thinking about him is SO bad for me, cause im still so bitter about it. and its like im at this constant battle with myself about it. my head hates him for everything he did. for all the trouble he's caused. for all the heart ache, for hurting my pride. for just fucking my head up completely. but my heart. my stupid heart loves him with all its might. and will always be here for him. how can i still love someone that has hurt me so much? how can i hate someone that i love so much? holy fuck! this sucks! ahaha....
on a lighter note, ive met the most wonderful guy! im still weary about letting him in you know. i mean, how can i not be? but hes such a sweet guy. and a really good friend. i cant say i met him, cause ive known him forever. but ive never spent this kind of time with him. hes sweet. he gets me. its not like with mike where i have to pretend to be a certain way. where i have to walk on eggshells. i can just be me, and thats the best feeling in the world. ive dated quite a few guys post mike, and none of them did it for me. i couldnt stand being around them for longer than an hour. but its different with this guy. i like spending time with him. i like talking to him. i like having him around. he inspires me to do the things i love so much, that mike used to think were stupid! just the other day he was like...you need to start writing again cabrona. and he likes reading the shit i write. and the best thing anyone has ever said to me! the other day he was like "marsee, i believe in you" woah! trip out. the last person that told me that was my mother. but like i said..its going to be a long time before i let my heart get the best of me again. which makes me wonder if its fair to him. i dont know. we're pretty chill right now. theres no pressure for anything. we have an open...relationship i guess you can call it. so when the time comes..i will worry about it. for now, im just going to have a good time with him.
things at work are going really well for once. my nephews are getting so big! i love them more and more each day. i am so inlove with those little boys! my sister is doing great...we are all doing good. i hope this year is a good one.
the whole mike thing has finally ended....and it ended pretty badly. i found out he was cheating on me with this this...bitch. the one he claimed to hate so much. and his excuse, he was doing it for his son. so he could see his son. i guess in a way i cant say i blame him for it, entirely. i mean, i was the one that put myself in this situation even after everyone warned me about it. but still there i was. so wrapped up in all the crap that he would tell me. it makes me so sad when i think about it. i mean...all the shit he would tell me. about how much he loved me, and how he's never felt this way about anyone..everything we shared. all our "moments" seemed so sinere, and so real. andy and i were drinking together the other night, and he got a little tipsy, and we started talking about mike. and he told me that mike and him were getting drunk one night (ahah go figure) and that mike started talking about me. asking how i was doing, and if i hated him, when andy finally got fed up and was like "what the fuck do you care, you dissed her remember" and then mike started with his "but i still love her so much. and i miss her, and this isnt the way i wanted things to turn out, but my son comes first." and you know what..thats all fine and dandy, but what made him cheat on me with that bitch kryztal? i know he did it. im not stupid! anyways. thinking about him is SO bad for me, cause im still so bitter about it. and its like im at this constant battle with myself about it. my head hates him for everything he did. for all the trouble he's caused. for all the heart ache, for hurting my pride. for just fucking my head up completely. but my heart. my stupid heart loves him with all its might. and will always be here for him. how can i still love someone that has hurt me so much? how can i hate someone that i love so much? holy fuck! this sucks! ahaha....
on a lighter note, ive met the most wonderful guy! im still weary about letting him in you know. i mean, how can i not be? but hes such a sweet guy. and a really good friend. i cant say i met him, cause ive known him forever. but ive never spent this kind of time with him. hes sweet. he gets me. its not like with mike where i have to pretend to be a certain way. where i have to walk on eggshells. i can just be me, and thats the best feeling in the world. ive dated quite a few guys post mike, and none of them did it for me. i couldnt stand being around them for longer than an hour. but its different with this guy. i like spending time with him. i like talking to him. i like having him around. he inspires me to do the things i love so much, that mike used to think were stupid! just the other day he was like...you need to start writing again cabrona. and he likes reading the shit i write. and the best thing anyone has ever said to me! the other day he was like "marsee, i believe in you" woah! trip out. the last person that told me that was my mother. but like i said..its going to be a long time before i let my heart get the best of me again. which makes me wonder if its fair to him. i dont know. we're pretty chill right now. theres no pressure for anything. we have an open...relationship i guess you can call it. so when the time comes..i will worry about it. for now, im just going to have a good time with him.
things at work are going really well for once. my nephews are getting so big! i love them more and more each day. i am so inlove with those little boys! my sister is doing great...we are all doing good. i hope this year is a good one.