They must set boundaries to be able to take time to consider the situation and to look at all of the alternatives to make the decision. Finally, they must consider their own needs first for a change, in this process.
These last two (2) strike me as the most important. Summed up w/a slightly difference emphasis: Your primary r-ship is with yourself. You must draw/divine and make clear your boundaries.
I keep hearing this same theme over and over and over and over in my life like a broken record:"Set Boundaries"... Sighs.. not good good with boundaries from either side... sucks sometimes. it has made a misery out of my life more than once. One one side allowing myself to be used and abused by people without good boundaries and the other side being doing things others who don't have good boundaries. (and then of course feeling victimized by both one for persecuting me and the other for allowing me to victimize them.) On the other hand, once boundaries are stated and clear I'm usually really good about respecting them. Its the "unwritten" ones or "unstated" one's that I have trouble with. Which is why one of my favorite quotes is, "Yes, I may in fact be able to read your mind. That does not however mean its ok for you to expect me to do so. State your needs." For me because of abuse as a child and an enviorment for most of my life that has had culturally different boundaries than the society I live in, its really really important that
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Yea If I had just remembered what I already knew... ....sighs it wouldn't have gone on as long as it did and I would have not waisted as much of my time 'cause I would have seen what was going on and gotten out..
Too much resonates with me. But I do my best to refuse responsibility for another person. My sister tried the guilty w/anger festering, which means "She Had The Right To Dump"....I refused to take the responsibility for HER requirements, HER needs to be met, HER desire to see me grovel. I can not, nor will not be held responsible because she felt she had to hold on to that anger. Same with my Lady, who just LOVES to push my buttons, just to see a reaction. (Boredom is rampant!)I try hard to disconnect from the "on-switch"....but every now and then my Edge is razor thin....it makes for an interesting day....
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These last two (2) strike me as the most important. Summed up w/a slightly difference emphasis: Your primary r-ship is with yourself. You must draw/divine and make clear your boundaries.
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Sighs.. not good good with boundaries from either side... sucks sometimes. it has made a misery out of my life more than once. One one side allowing myself to be used and abused by people without good boundaries and the other side being doing things others who don't have good boundaries. (and then of course feeling victimized by both one for persecuting me and the other for allowing me to victimize them.)
On the other hand, once boundaries are stated and clear I'm usually really good about respecting them. Its the "unwritten" ones or "unstated" one's that I have trouble with. Which is why one of my favorite quotes is, "Yes, I may in fact be able to read your mind. That does not however mean its ok for you to expect me to do so. State your needs."
For me because of abuse as a child and an enviorment for most of my life that has had culturally different boundaries than the society I live in, its really really important that ( ... )
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yea, I seem to have misplaced my book on Emotional blackmail however I'm still looking... I my have loaned it out and not gotten it back.
I like it all wrapped up so that I don't have to slaug through the entire book again to get the data I need.:) part of why I made this post.;)
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....sighs it wouldn't have gone on as long as it did and I would have not waisted as much of my time 'cause I would have seen what was going on and gotten out..
... then again.. hindsite is 20/20.
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