compliqué
compliqué
Jaejoong is sitting crosslegged on the bed , stark naked of anything that was his but fully covered of everything that's not. He's wearing his navy long sleeved sweater , he's wearing his underwear , he looks left and there's his favorite novel , he looks right and there's his favorite food that Jaejoong made especially for him , he listens to his favorite music playing , he reads & rereads all the letters he sent him over&over again , and he looks at his lap because there lay the picture of him & Jaejoong together - happy.
For once.
"It's not your fault , Hyung. Yunho hyung just didn't pay enough attention to you."
"Jaejoong , stop beating yourself up , you made a mistake , we all do."
"Every relationship hits their fair share of bumps , you guys will get through this , I know you will."
Bullshit , Jaejoong thinks , eyes glazed over as he remembers Yoochun's blaming of Yunho , Junsu's comforting , and Changmin's logic of relationships when he knew from the beginning , through all their sugar laced words (exaggerative , so very exaggerative because if anything , Yunho gave Jaejoong the world & more) that no , everything will not be alright.
He could see it clearly , every little crack that broke into shattered pieces of their love , how it all collapsed in front of his very eyes , section by section , one by one till there was nothing & more nothingness because it was all blown away by the strong winds (Oh Yunho , Yunho , Yunho) but who was he to blame for the destruction? None other than himself , Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong stares with glassy eyes at the photograph , it was really simple actually , one of the best days of his life was really nothing like he expected. He wanted something big , crazy , something that other people will stop & stare and think to themselves "What a fucking lucky bastard." as they stared at Yunho giving ( oh yes , he was the only one always giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and goddamn , Yunho kept giving but when in the hell did Jaejoong ever give back? ) to Jaejoong.
Cheesy , like freakishly cheesy is what Jaejoong use to think as he stared out his window ( Jesus fucking Christ , he wonders if Yunho knows what's lurking inside his pants ) , Yunho singing a sonata for him as some old , messed up cassette plays on the dusty , bulky radio that lays on the concrete ground , and there's roses and chocolates and Yunho has his bike and maybe because there were other people peering out their windows to stare at the scene , giving confused looks as to why some dude was singing to another dude that Jaejoong just had to make Yunho shut the fuck up and -
(he's running down the stairs , a stupid grin on his face , heart going thud thud thud in his chest)
- Jaejoong throws his arms around Yunho & kisses him with all his might. ♥
Oh...he doesn't know what was wrong with him , why he messed up so bad & cheated on the one person that treated him like nothing on this earth has ever seen.
(Yunho's hands are in fists as Jaejoong's lips tremble when he sees his beloved fighting over the tears that are just welling up & it pains him to no end knowing he was the one who caused those tears. He wanted to tell him that the days he would sleep with other guys&girls were the days when he was stupid & naive & didn't believe in the whole concept of 'whispering sweet nothings' & 'holding hands' & 'watching the sunset together on a beach' but that was then & this is now. The after effects of that hopeless romantic that came to him as a dizzying whirlwind (round and round and round) has caused Jaejoong to believe - believe so hard it hurts - that yes true love does exist )
;but it's too late.
Jaejoong couldn't blame Yunho for leaving the moment he found out , it's been days & Jaejoong was worried sick , he never got a call or a message or knew about Yunho's whereabouts at all and he just kept waiting , hoping that maybe , just maybe Yunho will come back to him.
He waits and waits and waits and -
( Dear Jaejoong ,
I know it's been awhile , how are you? Hah. Stupid of me to ask , there's no way for you to reply back. There isn't a moment in time when I don't think of you , where I don't feel you beside me , it's always going to stay the same. For today , for tomorrow , and for the days to come. I hope you and him are happy together now , you don't have me as an obstacle in your lovelife. I truly do wish you eternities of happiness as for the next time you'll see me? I'll be drifting by here & there , maybe if fate allows it , we'll cross paths again. Until then.
Yunho)
- waits.
Jaejoong is sitting crosslegged on the bed , stark naked of anything that was his but fully covered of everything that's not. He's wearing his navy long sleeved sweater , he's wearing his underwear , he looks left and there's his favorite novel , he looks right and there's his favorite food that Jaejoong made especially for him , he listens to his favorite music playing , he reads & rereads all the letters he sent him over&over again , and he looks at his lap because there lay the picture of him & Jaejoong together - happy.
For once.
"It's not your fault , Hyung. Yunho hyung just didn't pay enough attention to you."
"Jaejoong , stop beating yourself up , you made a mistake , we all do."
"Every relationship hits their fair share of bumps , you guys will get through this , I know you will."
Bullshit , Jaejoong thinks , eyes glazed over as he remembers Yoochun's blaming of Yunho , Junsu's comforting , and Changmin's logic of relationships when he knew from the beginning , through all their sugar laced words (exaggerative , so very exaggerative because if anything , Yunho gave Jaejoong the world & more) that no , everything will not be alright.
He could see it clearly , every little crack that broke into shattered pieces of their love , how it all collapsed in front of his very eyes , section by section , one by one till there was nothing & more nothingness because it was all blown away by the strong winds (Oh Yunho , Yunho , Yunho) but who was he to blame for the destruction? None other than himself , Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong stares with glassy eyes at the photograph , it was really simple actually , one of the best days of his life was really nothing like he expected. He wanted something big , crazy , something that other people will stop & stare and think to themselves "What a fucking lucky bastard." as they stared at Yunho giving ( oh yes , he was the only one always giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and goddamn , Yunho kept giving but when in the hell did Jaejoong ever give back? ) to Jaejoong.
Cheesy , like freakishly cheesy is what Jaejoong use to think as he stared out his window ( Jesus fucking Christ , he wonders if Yunho knows what's lurking inside his pants ) , Yunho singing a sonata for him as some old , messed up cassette plays on the dusty , bulky radio that lays on the concrete ground , and there's roses and chocolates and Yunho has his bike and maybe because there were other people peering out their windows to stare at the scene , giving confused looks as to why some dude was singing to another dude that Jaejoong just had to make Yunho shut the fuck up and -
(he's running down the stairs , a stupid grin on his face , heart going thud thud thud in his chest)
- Jaejoong throws his arms around Yunho & kisses him with all his might. ♥
Oh...he doesn't know what was wrong with him , why he messed up so bad & cheated on the one person that treated him like nothing on this earth has ever seen.
(Yunho's hands are in fists as Jaejoong's lips tremble when he sees his beloved fighting over the tears that are just welling up & it pains him to no end knowing he was the one who caused those tears. He wanted to tell him that the days he would sleep with other guys&girls were the days when he was stupid & naive & didn't believe in the whole concept of 'whispering sweet nothings' & 'holding hands' & 'watching the sunset together on a beach' but that was then & this is now. The after effects of that hopeless romantic that came to him as a dizzying whirlwind (round and round and round) has caused Jaejoong to believe - believe so hard it hurts - that yes true love does exist )
;but it's too late.
Jaejoong couldn't blame Yunho for leaving the moment he found out , it's been days & Jaejoong was worried sick , he never got a call or a message or knew about Yunho's whereabouts at all and he just kept waiting , hoping that maybe , just maybe Yunho will come back to him.
He waits and waits and waits and -
( Dear Jaejoong ,
I know it's been awhile , how are you? Hah. Stupid of me to ask , there's no way for you to reply back. There isn't a moment in time when I don't think of you , where I don't feel you beside me , it's always going to stay the same. For today , for tomorrow , and for the days to come. I hope you and him are happy together now , you don't have me as an obstacle in your lovelife. I truly do wish you eternities of happiness as for the next time you'll see me? I'll be drifting by here & there , maybe if fate allows it , we'll cross paths again. Until then.
Yunho)
- waits.