I hate jung yunho
Title: I HATE JUNG YUNHO
Author: Ukel_chan (UkeL_chan)
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Comedy [<---- GREATLY ATTEMPTED )': BUT EPIC PHAIL.], Drama
Warnings: Vulgar Language, Crazy Situations, Stupid People, Randomness, Collaborations With Almost All Korean Singers Including Big Bang, BoA, Super Junior, etc., MAJOR OCC-NESS, & all created by a highly drunk author
Summary: CANDY BOYS COUPLE PAGEANT HAS BEEN LAUNCHED! VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE COUPLE TO WIN THE COMPETITION!
When all the girls in your school start to pair up two guys together and start having an online fandom for each couple and you see that you and your roommate/enemy/secret lover are on the list with several hundreds of votes, you know your in trouble.
Arguments, bitch fights, cheating, drag queens, old ladies, perverted people, COUPLE PAGEANTS? The couple YunJae must push aside their differences and act like a couple to win the trophy but will they fall in love through the course of this competition? FIND OUT! OH, AND VOTE PLEASE XD
AN: R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON <333 I LOVE YOU FOREVER MY SEXY CHILD MOLESTER BEAUT! <3
F-LOCKED IN 3 DAYS
Dude, sexy much?
17: LA SENZA GIRL PAJAMAS
Phonecall Transcript l May 27th, 2009 l 1:56:33AM
JJ: JaeJoong CM: Changmin
CM: Umffphh...?
JJ: Changmin!
CM: *groans* Why, for heaven's sake, have you called me at this ungodly hour, JaeJoong?
JJ: It's because I'm having a crisis and I need the help of a wonderfully intelligent bee eff eff ell!
CM: What? Can't Yunho choose between strawberry flavored or banana flavored condoms to use on your ass?
JJ: NO! OF COURSE NOT! Besides, we both like strawberry flavored condoms anyways.
CM: ...I'm not even going to ask.
JJ: CHANGMIN!
CM: WHAT?!
JJ: I'M GOING CRAZY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!
CM: JaeJoong, I don't know why in the world you've called me because currently, I have no brain cells working. So I'll be no use t-
JJ: Yunho kicked me out.
CM: ...Oh.
JJ: OH? That's all you can say?!
CM: Ohhhhhh.
JJ: Elongating an "oh" doesn't make any difference! Changminyah, I really really really need your help! I-*voice cracks* I don't know what to do! I'm a complete mess! And it's all that, *swallows hard* stupid Jung Yunho's fault!
CM: *sighs deeply* I'm going to regret asking this but...What happened?
JJ: Well first of all, Jung Yunho my very annoying, conceited, stuck up, retarded fucktard of a roommate kicked me out. And he didn't say it kindly but in a very, VERY rude way. He had the nerve to say- and I quote: "Just pack up your fucking shit and get the fuck out." Um. Um. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! After everything that I've done for him. I mean, I ALWAYS clean up his shit. I ALWAYS pick up his shit. I ALWAYS have to smell his shit. I ALWAYS hand wash his damn Calvin&Klein underwears 'cause god knows he loves his Calvin&Klein underwears (Not that I'm really complaining because the boiii hella can fill up an xxL underwear if you know what I mean) and he has the fucking NERVE to say that to me? Oh no way. Oh no fish eggs flippin' way. What's even more worse is that he canceled YunJae. YUNJAE! YUUUUUUUNJAE! I'll repeat that in case you still never cleaned out that Mount Everest (in case you didn't know, Mount Everest is like, the higest mountain ever in the entire galaxy and is located...um...in Tibet?) of wax in your ears from 10 years ago but JUNG YUNHO CANCELED YUNJAE! I WORKED DAY&NIGHT TO TOTALLY FABRICATE THE WHOLE YUNJAEYNESS AND GAIN US HUNDREDS OF FANS! And he cancels it. Without even consulting me. Do you know how that feels? DO YOU?! No, of course not. Because you don't have to deal with an annoying, conceited, stuck up, retarded fucktard of a roommate!
CM: Wow that must real-
JJ: Wait, shut up, I'm not finished! I was just about to leave because there was no way I was going to stay in a room where I was no longer wanted then in comes a prancing Junsu (can his butt look anymore like a duck's?) with a huge load of luggages and a sleeping bag. I was thinking in my head "BINGO, fine, if YunJae doesn't win then whatever, I'll win with JaeSu and go on that trip and get all that money" and then Junsu was like "Hey baby" walking towards me with his arms outstretched. Or so I thought because the moment I was about to respond to him, he was like in a totally snooty, bitchy way "No, not you" and walked past by me to latch his stupid, grubby, dolphin fins on MY ANNOYING, CONCEITED, STUCK UP, RETARDED FUCKTARD OF A ROOMMATE! Wait, make that FORMER roommate. And I heard Yunho say the same thing back to him. I could practically FEEEEEEEL the bile rising in my throat so I just had to get out of there. And quick.
CM: So, if you don't live with Yunho anymore where do you live now then?
JJ: Oh, this is the good part. Heechul. I'm living with HEEFAWKINGCHUL!
CM: *stifles laughter* You can't be serious?
JJ: OH I am DEAD serious.
CM: Well that'll go smoothly.
JJ: Actually, it's going pretty rough. LITERALLY. Remember how I told you that Heechul's been begging me to let him "borrow" my environmentally friendly Nair Hair Remover?
CM: ...Yeah?
JJ: Well I didn't because why would I let a guy like him use my environmentally friendly Nair Hair Remover, I'd be mental if I'd let him use my environmentally friendly Nair Hair-
CM: Okay! Okay! I get it! What happened next?
JJ: Jesus, somebody's got a stick up their ass.
CM: MATTER OF FACT, I DO HAVE A STICK UP MY ASS! NOW TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED SO I CAN FINALLY GO AND HAVE SOME FUCKING SLEEP!
JJ: *CRIES* YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME!!! MY POOR, POOR HEART IS TORN AND SHATTERED AND BURNED TO TINY, MICROSCOPIC, AND IRREPAIRABLE PIECES, KICKED TO THE SIDE, STOMPED ON BY FUGLY 18TH CENTURY BOOTS (AND THEY'RE NOT HOT LOOKING PRADA VINTAGE 18TH CENTURY BOOTS), AND LEFT THERE ALL STOMPED, KICKED, FUGLIFIED, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS YELL AT ME?! *CRIES EVEN MORE*
CM: *Groans in frustration* You're such a baby...
JJ: I *SNIFFLES* AM NOT *SNIFFLES* A BABY!
CM: Whatever you say.
JJ: You know what? Forget it. I shouldn't have called you. I'll just have to wallow in my own blood and tears and turmoil. I'll hang u-
CM: No! No! Don't do that JaeJoong. I'm sorry. Really. Do you want me to do anything for you?
JJ: *sniffles* Well...now that you've mentioned it...I really want some Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk ice cream
CM: Got it-
JJ: And do you mind seeing if they have any of it with low fat? I need to remember to keep my figure slim and trim.
CM: JaeJoong, it's Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk. You can't find it in Low Fat
JJ: B-But *voice cracks* I really really want some *on the verge of tears* P-Pleaseeee?
CM: Urggh...fine, okay. Just don't cry anymore, alright?
JJ: Kamsahamnida Minnieyah! You're the best friend ever!
CM: Yeah. Yeah.
JJ: OH, while you're at it, do you mind getting me another pack of Nair Hai-
CM: JaeJoong!
JJ: Please Minnieyah? Please!! After seeing Heechul's beast like legs, I can't risk having that happened to me so I must stock up. Please? Please? I'm begging you! Please? Please? Please? PUHLEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!! PUHHHHHLEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!! UHHHHHH!!!!!! UHHH-
CM: Dude, it sounds like you're having an orgasm.
JJ: MAYBE I AM HAVING AN ORGASM, AND A FANTASTIC ONE AT THAT, WHATCHA GON' DO BOIII?! HUH? HUH? YOU GOING TO DITCH ME NOW AS WELL, EH? YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO GTFO LIKE WHAT JUNG YUNHO SAID TO ME, EH? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET MY BEN&JERRY TRIPLE CARAMEL CHUNK ICECREAM AND NAIR HAIR REMOVING PRODUCT, EH? EH? EHHHHHH?
CM: EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! WE'RE 2NE1! EH! EH! E-
JJ: I'm going to smack you hard across the face if you do not stop singing that god awful song.
CM: YO. DON'T HATE. APPRECIATE.
JJ: Appreciate what?
CM: You know...
JJ: ...
CM: Sexy girls...
JJ: ...
CM: dancing in sexy outfits...
JJ: ...
CM: and singing sexy songs...
JJ: ...
CM: Never mind, you won't understand. You're too gay.
JJ: The hell I am.
CM: Aiight man, I'll get you your Ben&Jerry and your Nair.
JJ: OH, CHANK CHU SO MUCHIE CHANGMINNIE!
CM: Don't talk like that.
JJ: Talkie like whatie?
CM: Like that!
JJ: Hmmie? I don't understandie what you are trying to say to meie.
CM: Stoppie talkie likeie thatie wayie orie Iie willie notie buyie Benie&Jerryie Tripleie Caramelie Chunkie iceie creamie!
JJ: HWAT?
CM: NEVER MIND! I'll come over to your- I mean, Heechul's room okay?
JJ: Okay! See you!
CM: Yup, see ya.
JJ: WAIT, BE CAREFUL! HEECHUL IS A BERY SCAWY woMAN WHEN HE DON'T GET HIS SWEEP! SO BE QUIWET!
CM: O.K.
--------
From: Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
To: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:10:44PM
Subject: WHY SO SEXY?
I really don't know ;D Why AM I so sexy? Why? My sexiness can be like, totally illegal in some countries since it would cause worldwide trauma!
PS. Yunho's a real possessive asshole
----
From: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
To: Kim Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:18:39PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
You really are conceited. Check yourself in the mirror one more time, there's nothing sexy about you. Nothing.
PS. God, I don't need to know if Yunho's possessive over your asshole. T_T
----
From: Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
To: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:20:11PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
D'aw, our poor Poo is a tad bit jealous, ne? <3 It's okay. It's okay. You can cry on sexy boy's shoulders. BTW: I did check the mirror, and man oh man, I must play the trumpet because I made myself horny.
PS. SHIT MAN. I JUST GOT AN IMAGE. EW. EW. NO WAY AM I GOING TO TAKE IT UP THE ASS!
----
From: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
To: Kim Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:23:55PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
You.
Are.
Gay.
&
You.
Are.
Always.
Horny.
&
I.
Do.
Not.
Want.
To.
Cry.
On.
"Sexy"
And.
"Boy's"
Shoulder.
Thank.
You.
Very.
Much.
T___T.
PS. Since you are gay, and since you are always horny, you must take note that the only way you will be able to receive sexual pleasure from your sexually frustrated self (FYI, masturbating does not categorize in "sexual pleasure") is by getting a cock (Like you ever could) and taking it up the ass.
----
From: Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
To: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:27:47PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
NO REALLY? And here I thought I liked the whole clit than the prostate. Thank you so much for clearing up the horrible mysteries of my sexual orientation, Poo <3 Seriously, you are my hero. You are my Superman. You are my Spiderman. You are my X-Man. You are, ultimately, my homoman <3
PS. What I was trying to say was that my first night sleeping with Yunho not as best friends but as a FAKE couple was complete and utter phail. =~=
----
From: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
To: Kim Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:29:22PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
<`∀´>
PS. Well surprise , surprise! I can't believe you two didn't totally, you know, hit it off ;D and then strip it off , and then fuck it off.
----
From: Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
To: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:34:36PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
OMFG, IT'S ASIAN! I CAN TELL. I CAN TELL. BECAUSE ONLY US ASIANS HAVE THE SQUINTY EYES
;D <--- SEE! SQUINTY!
ASIAN: -0-
American: o0o
PS. You know you can atleast TRY to be a bit shocked. T^T
----
From: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
To: Kim Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:37:52PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
Uh. That "American" face kinda looked like a stubby penis. With two balls. 3/4 the length of the stubby penis. o_____O
PS. Okay. I'll try.
Attempt 1: OHMIGOD. LIKE, OH.MI.GAD! *FEIGNING FAINTING*
Better?
----
From: Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
To: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:43:55PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
Wow, somebody's quite the observer! KUDOS! KUDOS TO YOU MAN! :D I bet that's how your pen15 looks like
PS. God no, that was one very suckish acting but whatever. I'll tell you why Yunho's a possessive asshole and not MY asshole but MY sweet and wonderful and hot soon-to-be boyfriend, KIM JAEJOONG! Yeah, can you believe that? CAN YOU?! After I gave Yunho a hug (I didn't mind giving him that because, well, I sorta did miss him as my bffl, if you know what I mean. But it's alright now since YOU'RE MINE NAO<3) , I was going to get my things ready and I wanted to start with the bed because, hello? It's the damn fucking bed :D && It's JAEJOONG'S BED! Who knows what sexy wonders happened there! (He probably had his first gayass wet dream there~Awww :'D) And I already know how it feels to sleep with JaeJoong in his own bed so I was hella damn excited to sleep there foh realzzz so I grabbed my pillow, held it to my chest, and jumped, but Yunho caught me in mid-air and threw me back down.
He was all like: What the heck chu doin' foo'?
And I was all like: Get the fuck out, man, get the fuck out. I'm getting in my bed, what else?
He was all like: *scoffs* You're not sleeping on JaeJoong's bed!
And I was all like: But I have to sleep in JaeJoong's bed! It's JaeJoong's bed! Who knows what sexy wonders happened there!
He was all like: I KNOW WHAT SEXY WONDERS HAPPENED THERE! I HEARD! Which is damn well why you're not going to sleep there. But on the floor.
And I was all like: You want me to sleep on the cold, hard, and dirty floor where you once had a vibrator, tampons, and a D-Cup bra instead of letting me sleep on a bed? ON JAEJOONG'S BED!?
He was all like: I'm preserving it now shut up and go to bed.
And he never even let me have a choice because he started to strip then since he likes sleeping naked (GOD, IS HE TRYING TO KILL SOMEBODY? I'm not paying for people's eyes going blind from the fugliness of his moobs. They happen to look larger than ever when accentuated by the glorious light illuminating from the moon outside the opened windows) and turned off the light. So I just fell asleep as well. Or TRIED to because next thing I know, I hear Yunho chanting something and I look up seeing that he's in JaeJoong's bed, smelling mattresses, hugging the pillows, and wrapping himself in JaeJoong's bedsheets.
T_________________T
He's so having an orgasm.
----
From: Park Yoochun [ planktonrawks23@hotmail.com ]
To: Kim Junsu [ thisismyemailbitches@hotmail.com ]
Sent: May 27th, 2009 - 2:37:52PM
Subject: RE - WHY SO SEXY?
DUDE. QUICK. GTFO & GO MEET YUNHO @ THE FRONT ENTRANCE OF THE BOYS DORMS! HURRY YOUR FAT DUCK BUTT OVER THERE!
PS. Bring a chap stick >:D
--------
Program; Notepad
Journal Entry # 302 - May 27th, 2009 - 7:34:19 PM
Current Music: Stick That In Your Juice Box - Dot Dot Curve
Warning: If you are not Kim JaeJoong and your name starts with "Y" and ends with "unho" then please, step away from this journal because it contains highly offensive material to the individual that's name starts with a "Y" and ends with an "unho."
Two things.
Just two things I want to get off my chest.
Two.
Not three, not ten, not even one, just two damn things.
1. I wish Rain would just stuff his hands down his pants, grab his cock, and jack off right on stage because the man teases us so damn much with his stupid Rainism (Sure he's only into women...SUREEEE HE IS!) Please take note: BI Rain > Bi = Bisexual , Bisexual = <3 F + <3 M therefore, after my mindboggling display have my apparent intelligence (TAKE THAT, MINNIESTEIN XD), I have concluded that Bi Rain is, indeed, Bi. :DD (so all of ya'll that want to get inside his pants INCLUDING ME, <3 that's good news for you)
2. I wish YunJae were back together again because at least then I would have the courage to confess my undying, irrevocable, and absolutely crazy...love for Jung Yunho and maybe, quite possibly have the feelings returned back.
No matter how many times you reread what I wrote above, it's not going to change. But just so you yaoi fangirls have something to fangirl about. I'll say it again;
I LOVE JUNG YUNHO.
KIM JAEJOONG LOVES JUNG YUNHO.
I LOVE HIM.
I <3 YUNHO.
J+Y=<3
Y+J=<3
I SARANG HAE YUNHO.
...I love him a lot. :) Like, really. A lot. And after you've fanned yourself a million times and got somebody to kick you after you've fainted and got a concussion from this utter shock and happiness overwhelming you (and me :]) that I've FINALLY admitted that I love that asshole (Literally ;D), you're wondering why the heck am I smiling when YunJae is, indeed, over and HoSu has taken my place and Yunho not so inconspicuously showed that he doesn't want anything to do with me, kicked me out of my own dorm (VERY RUDELY D':<), and now I'm stuck living with the Queen of Bitches, Kim Heechul, why the heck am I still smiling and how did I come upon "falling in love" with Mister Jung?
I can answer the latter in a few words from now but the prior question will have to wait till the end :3 Now, let me explain what exactly happened:
You know that Changmin so wonderfully went out to the local convenient store and bought me my Ben&Jerry Triple Caramel Chunk ice cream and my new STRAWBERRY (Omfgzzz, I know! God must be a fellow Nairion as well :D) Scented Nair Hair Remover (NOT FUCKING VEET WAXSTRIPS. NO WAY. NO WAEEEE), he was even kind enough to buy me Pocky! YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT! POCKY <33333 I LOVE POCKY XDD Plus it's so cute because it has those little asian drawings and when you open you see how it's divided into two neat sections (even though there's more stick things than the chocolate itself which kinda sorta sucks), OOOH, it just makes me all giggly and everything! I love Pocky :B Pocky is gewd~ fewd~!
...Fuck you if you don't like fucking Pocky. GO DIE IN A DITCH YOU INSIGNIFICANT NINCOMPOOP! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE D'8< I do not tolerate any indecent display of hate against Pocky.
Pocky wins in life.
And you have nasty shoes.
YE BOI, I WENT THERE. I FLIPPIN' WENT THERE. I KNOW YOUR GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT COUSIN'S GRANDMA'S MOTHER'S SON'S DAUGHTER'S AUNT GAVE YOU THOSE SHOES BUT THEY'RE NASTY. YOU OFFENDED? WELL, BRING IT BIATCH, BRING IT ONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! (if you happen to look like an exact replica of Jung Yunho with the sexy ass mole and the whole I'm-Much-More-Superior-Than-You-Suck-My-Corn-Cobs kind of attitude and you are offended by my comment and wanna beat me up, the only way I'll join you in your Duel To the Ultimate Death, is if you take off your clothes and butt fuck me.)
...And somehow this conversation turned from Pocky and hair removing products to nasty shoes and butt fucking. Okay, maybe I had too much Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk icecream and I've noticed that it was already open and halfway finished and saw that Changmin's fingers and mouth were covered with the Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk icecream which is a bad thing because Changmin's hygeniene is something to be reported to the whole Health Inspector people mahbobbers because he really has some problems even more so than ToxicHo which is saying a lot because well Yunho actually never changes his bed sheets and when I mean never, I mean NEVER. Like I totally saw some dried up...- ANYWAYS, I should really stop rambling on and on and straying off topic.
Bad JaeJoong. Bad.
So, Changmin came over to mine & Heechul's dorm at around 2:12 AM with my Ben&Jerry Triple Caramel Chunk icecream, my Strawberry scented Nair Hair Remover, Pocky, and his entire Season 1 of Arthur. At that moment, I was absolutely crushed and still awake bawling my eyes out (I was surprised that Heechul didn't wake up to my ear piercing crying and bitch slap right across the face. Maybe the forest of hair living on his legs is somehow sucking all the life force within him and he is slowly dying a painful death? Hey, now. It's a thought.) from the trauma of all the past happenings so the moment I open the door and see Changmin with all my wonderful comfort food and necessities, I latch myself on to him and stuff my head into his chest, still with the waterworks - mind you, as he drags me over to my bed and sits me down.
The next few hours is spent as such:
"T-Thanks for c-coming for me-e, Minnieyah." I hiccup, grabbing the closest thing beside me (which just so happens to be my Pocky) and blow my nose. It did not turn out well blowing your runny nose on a box of Pocky, trust me. "Ow! My nose!" I whine, throwing the stupid Pocky across the room where it crashed into one of Heechul's many ballerina figurines (I know it's really Hankyung's). "Stupid fucking Pocky!"
Changmin seems to be a little stunned. "I'm...going to go put some Arthur on." He stammers nervously before going over to the television set and sliding the disk inside the DVD/VCR and coming back to sit beside me. I've already managed to grab the tub of Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk ice cream, claw it open, and stuff my entire hand into the half eaten icecream (Changmin decides to avoid the menacing glare I send him which is a smart move because my glare is EXTREMELY menacing) and scoop handfuls into my mouth messily as I blubber like a fool.
"I mean honestly, he shouldn't have done that to me! I mean, c'mon, it's ME!" I cry, the tears streaming down my face mixing in with the chunks of sticky caramel all over my face. "Sure I have a few flaws like maybe I'm a tad bit obsessed with cleaning and keeping everything neat and tidy. And sure maybe I am a bit of a compulsive liar that can't admit the truth and always sticks by my own opinion because I'm stubborn like that. And okay, maybe I'm a manipulative and selfish bastard and use people. And O.K. maybe I can stop sharing my thoughts on how sexy I look in my Apple Bottom Jeans and how my butt looks exceptionally juicylicious and that my beautiful raven locks accentuates the creamy paleness of my skin which brings out the auburn caramel of my stunning eyes which brings out the sexiness on the hair of my no-see-no-see area down there. Heck, me overreacting with every little thing Yunho does like annoying me or physically abusing me or not sharing his goddamn berries with me when I was totally hungry and barely hanging onto life when we were stranded in that god forsaken forest even though it was a few hours since I haven't eaten or stealing my cellphone while making fun of me on top of a tree can be a BIT annoying but really!" I screech, stuffing more chunks of caramel into my already full mouth of spit and triple chunks and salty tears and I can't feel my fingers anymore because they're numb from the cold icecream all the while Arthur's 'Best We Can Do' theme song is background music to my hyena-like crying. "I'm not that bad! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, CHANGMIN, DIDN'T YOU THINK TO BRING A FLIPPIN' SPOON SO I CAN EAT MY DAMN ICECREAM? A LADLE WOULD HAVE SUFFICED!" I screeched at him, flinging icecream at his face.
Fine. I'm PMSing more than Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, and Amy Whinehouse combined. Do I hear that spider dropping its droppings in the corner of my room complaining? No. Exactly.
Believe it or not, I've actually continued rambling on and on and on about how upset I am till through lunch and it's when Heechul finally wakes up (he was wearing a long ass Tom&Jerry pajamas, like, EW!) turns off Arthur and puts on Rihanna (Pronounciation: Ree-ahna NOT: Rih-hanuh) Shut up & Drive and Changmin is dozing off in a head full of Ben&Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk icecream that I've been talking to myself for the past few hours and that I'm completely and utterly pathetic!
Really, I smelled like shit (For once), my eyes were all red and puffy, I could feel the snot still dribbling down my nose but I didn't bother to wipe it because a) There's no way I'm using the Pocky again b) I don't have any tissues c) And there's no way I'm going to use my sleeve because that's just plain disgusting...plus these are some new PJs from La Senza Girls (OKAY. SHUT UP. THE MATERIAL FOR THEIR BATHROBES ARE AMAZING. GIRLS CANNOT ONLY BE SUBJECTED TO SUCH LUXURIES. I HAVE NEEDS AS WELL!) && I don't want to ruin them. And I'm eating so much icecream that I'm sure as hell that I have to exercise for 2 years just to burn off all the calories I consumed even if it is low fat.
And I really just feel so suffocated in my own patheticness so none of the above really stopped me from getting up, pulling up my thong underwear, and making my way straight out the doo- "Hey, where're you goin'?" Heechul asks me, straightening his bird's nest of blond hair.
"Front entrance, out for a little walk." I murmur and I was just about to go when Heechul quickly dropped the straightener when it was STILL ON (Um. Hel-lo? Does he not know that that's a household HAZARD?!) and runs up and jumps on TOP of me (Again, HOUSEHOLD HAZARD! And if it's not apart of WHMIS or whatever the code is, it's a JAEJOONG HAZARD! Which is just as bad, or even badder- OKAY, WORSE! Stupid grammar nazis). Okay, sure. Maybe if he was like, 5 pounds I could carry him for a while but the boy weights like a GAZILLION TONNES!
It all went down like this:
Me: GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! *blindingly tries to grab something of Heechul's && yank him down*
Heechul: WAIT, YOU CAN'T GO!
Me: WHY NOT?!
Heechul: BECAUSE WE GOTTA - ER, DISCUSS THE MATTER OF MY LEG HAIRS!
And at this I am very quite appalled because why in the world would I want to discuss the matter of his hideous leg hairs when I am having a terrible, terrible day (and life) and need to escape, and quick because I may just want to throw up after all that Ben&Jerry Triple Caramel Chunk icecream I gobbled up none too prettily.
Me: I will NOT discuss of your le-
Heechul: I've switched to Veet waxstrips
*ABRUPT & TENSE SILENCE*
Me: ...W-What? What did *swallows hard* y-you say?
Heechul: *slides off my back slowly* I...I had to change.
Me: *turns around to face him* Why? I-I thought that - I mean, you were so happy...what happened?
Heechul: Things change. People change. Products come and go, man. You know how it is.
Me: *grabs onto his shoulders, shakes him violently* HEECHUL, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE NEW RELEASES OF CHANEL CRISTALLE EAU VERTE OR THOSE GUCCI SHADES OR FOR GOD'S SAKE, BOTOX FOR OUR LATER YEARS. IT'S NAIR. NAIR FUCKING HAIR REMOVER. ENVIRONMENTALLY NAIR HAIR REMOVER WHICH NOW COMES IN CUTE LITTLE OVAL SHAPED BOXES. BOXES! YOU CAN'T FIND OVAL SHAPED BOXES ANYWHERE! IT'S A MIRACLE, I TELL YOU! A DAMN MIRACLE!
Heechul: *pushes me away&looks up at the sky with a "I've moved on" expression while pulling out his cell & quickly texting something before returning to the "I've moved on" expression* I found that fellow Veetalians are MUCH more friendlier than Nairions.
Me: What?....AW, C'MON! You're not still upset about me not sharing with you my environmentally friendly Nair Hair remover are you?
Heechul: *sticks nose high up in the air, giving me the cold shoulder* Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
Me: Heechul...you know that I love you-
Heechul: *cocks eyebrow* You love me?
Me: *thinks for a second* Uh, no. But you know that I care for you-
Heechul: *cocks the other eyebrow* You care for me?
Me: *thinks for two seconds* Uh, no. But honestly, if you had the environmenally friendly Nair Hair Remover and I asked for it, would you give it to me?
Heechul: OF COURSE!
Me: Really?
Heechul: YES!
Me: You're joking, I know you're joking.
Heechul: No I'm not.
Me: Yes you are.
Heechul: No I seriously am not.
Me: Don't lie with boii, UmmaJae don't like that.
Heechul: UmmaJae? Who's Appa? APPAHO?
Me: I VILL KEEL YOU IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN.
Heechul: Okay, yes I keed. I keed.
Me: Good. Now I'm going out for my walk and you can't sto-
Heechul: WAIT! *checks cellphone, smirks* Okay, never mind, you can go.
Which was really totally weird because he just skipped back to his straightener and continued singing ("Like, I totally sing like an angel, y'know? I should really audition or something for like SM Entertainment or maybe even YG?" - As quoted by the devil angel himself) Shut up&Drive.
Well I didn't really care all that much because I decided to go downstairs in my La Senza baby blue pajamas looking like I've been subjected to decades of physical abuse where the horrible insignificant sama's (because they totally have to be Japanese since they're complete perverts - seriously? HENTAI SUPERHEROS?!!) wives give me the pink eye by enforcing on putting mascaara & eyeliners and shit therefore resulting in my appearance looking like a raccoon where one of those furry bandits comes over and totally gets aroused by my raccoon looking face and gives me rabies that being the explanation why I have white cream all over my face and I don't really care that students gave me horrified stares because there's no point in really cleaning myself up because I'm totally not trying to impress any more guys to fall for me (HEY. SHUT UP. THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN THAT I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS A GUY NAMED JUNG YUNHO. SRSLY, WHAT IF I WANT TO IMPRESS YOOCHUN? HUH?).
I was right outside and that is when I saw it. It was sorta bittersweet because hell fucking yeah it felt like somebody was taking a dagger and stabbing me in the heart a hundred million times over and over again but then...it also made me think and I felt a new found determination to win over Jung Yunho's heart.
Because nobody, and I mean, NOBODY gets to stuff their tongue down MY Yunho's mouth except me. Especially a shithead like Junsu.
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Consequences: If you are not Kim JaeJoong and your name starts with "Y" and ends with "unho" and you have not yet stepped away from this journal then please be aware of the consequences that will entail after your poor decision to not follow my instructed warning.
Please choose the following as your rightful punishment;
A) Wax your legs with Veet (Um, hel-lo? Why wax and feel that excruciating pain when you can just easily shave with Nair?)
B) Have you butt get stuck in the toilet after the seat has been lifted && some idiot forgot to put it down
C) Have a bird shit on your head
D) Step on shit.
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AN: Just so you guys know, I post this at night time so then when I wake up in the morning I can read all the responses but...you guys should know that I get so damn nervous, like, REALLLLLLLLY NERVOUS to see what my feedbacks are T______T even though I always get all giggly and happy whenever I read the comments you guys so sweetly leave me behind <333 Which totally makes my life worthwhile. Honestly.
I have no life so comments are like, my rollercoasters or like Joe Jonas stripping down to his boxers. And all you LJ users are my wives/hubbies/sex partners because that's the only action I get (IGNORING THE FACT THAT I AM JUST 14 YEARS OLD SO I SHOULDN'T BE GETTING ANY ACTION ANYWAYS)
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