(no subject)
London has changed a lot since the last time I was here. It was just before the turn of the century, and I was still getting used to my new soul. I was here to catch a boat to the United States, because it seemed like the right place to go. Far away from Spike, Darla, and Drusilla, who were all disappointed in me. I never asked to be cursed and made to atone for my sins.
A lot has happened to me since then; too much to tell about. I fell in love with a Slayer, lost my soul, killed a Watcher’s girlfriend but redeemed myself by helping them save the town. Then I lost the Slayer, moved away, gained two friends, lost a friend, and almost lost myself because of Darla.
There was three of us at first - Doyle, Cordy and I. When Doyle died, I thought I was going to lose Cordy also, but she pulled through and we moved on. Gunn and Lorne would join us later, but it was always Cordy who reigned me in when I wanted to sit in the darkness. And, part of me loves her for that.
It’s not the same kind of love I felt…feel for Buffy. No matter what happens, I’ll always love her. Even if Spike defiled her.
Spike…another one I lost. Had to be the hero and get killed doing it. Am I jealous? No. Well…maybe. I don’t know. It’s too soon to tell. I think Cordy wants me to grieve for him. I’m not sure. I haven’t really seen her a lot since we’ve gotten here. Probably out shopping.
All of it is different now. I’m in London to help with the Council and to train Slayers. This time last year I would’ve laughed at the thought. It’s funny how time changes people. Here I am, in England, living in a small room at the Council, trying to avoid Buffy and all the Slayers, who look too eager with their stakes.
I hope I’m making the right decision.