Our Fairytale
Today, my friend, lollipop hyung finally told me what was exactly wrong with my boyfriend. I sat in my room reading it over and over again and literally broke down in tears. Truthfully, I'm a crybaby, easily crying all the time and easily hurt. But this time, I couldn't stop. Especially when I started listening to the videos he send me, in one of the videos, he played the chorus of the song "Tong Hua" by Guang Liang for me. I teared up and went and listened to the whole song. I remember when he told me he listened to me sing that song so he decided to play it for me. As I listened I cried and cried. My parents always taught me, good people will get good rewards in the end. So why is a good person like him going through all this? I don't know, but like that song, we have to believe, believe that we can write our ending to our fairytale.
And through it all, I am willing to be his "tianshi" as he calls me, the one with opened arms waiting for him guiding him. I promised to be strong, to not cry, and to smile through this, but it's hard. So hard, to know that the one you love might leave you one day. I had a fight with my pops, and told him he doesn't know half of what I'm going through. And he said "In any case if you think your life is miserable? Then maybe if your boyfriend does die, you will know I feel - just putting it out there, the pain you are feeling has NOTHING on how I felt when my significant other actually died, at least he is still alive so treasure that". After he said that I broke down and just gave up talking to him. He doesn't know that my family just broke apart, he doesn't know that my boyfriend IS probably dying on the hospital bed right now and I can't DO anything about it. At least he's dating his "significant other'"s best friend now. He has ANOTHER significant other now. And it's because I keep working my ass off to help him keep his NEW significant other.
Words hurt, especially from those that you care about and love. I never knew I'd get that from someone I cared so much about to the point I worried about his health everyday and worry when his girlfriend might dump him again and he goes on suicidal mode. Being the one that always comfort him, I never thought that would come from him, and here I am crying over all this. Truthfully, I know he won't this and I know that I'm just being a drama queen, but these two months, I tried my best not to burden him, because he's going through enough with his girlfriend always wanting to break up. But at the instant I felt like a slap in the face. I fought with him because I disagreed with what he did. Disagreed that he thought he could take over the roleplay world make himself king and set rules that EVERY OTHER FUCKING roleplayer had to follow. It's not fair and it's not right.
But guess what, he doesn't care a word that I said. So, I gave up, I told him I don't want to be part of that family, part of his best friends group. I have my own morals and beliefs, and it's against my morals and beliefs that he thinks what he's doing is right. Guess what I said is wrong to be blown in the face with those words. Cause those words still hurt, reading them hurts! So much, so much that people can't even understand. But I don't regret that argument it's what I thought was right. But thanks for the slap in the face. And because of this damn argument I had at least four nosebleeds today. Yea, my blood boiled.
But as I sit here typing this my left hand's fingers hurt. I decided to play that song, that song my boyfriend played for me on the piano on the guitar. After not touching it for five years, I have to start everything over step by step and the capsules on the fingers hurt but I'm sure when I get it, it will be worth it. Because I know he'll be happy if he could hear it. I can't sing it cause it makes me cry every time I listen to it, so I'll just play the chorus, I'm going to learn it and play it. I never cried so much because of a person because of a song. I know I might be having false hope, this might all just be a dream to me, but I want to keep thinking positively, even though I know the risks, the doubt and what the outcome might be, I'm willing to keep this faith. Because he was the one that taught me, when you're tired you can always lend strength from the one you love and care about, so I will be strong, so he can lend strength from me and win this battle. Before I know it, we can complete our fairytale, write our own ending to our fairytale. We can do it.
Tenshi, I know you can do it. Because when I needed you you helped me through what I needed help with. This time around I'll be here for you, We'll fight together, I'll give you that kick or push when you want to give up and give you a shoulder and a hug when you're in doubt. I'll be your guardian angel, because in my fairytale you'll always be the prince, the prince that brings the princess to happiness in the ending. I'll be that tianshi as you call me, the tianshi that guides the prince to the very end. Because I love you, and it's this love that kept us both fighting. Never give up my prince, aishteru.
And through it all, I am willing to be his "tianshi" as he calls me, the one with opened arms waiting for him guiding him. I promised to be strong, to not cry, and to smile through this, but it's hard. So hard, to know that the one you love might leave you one day. I had a fight with my pops, and told him he doesn't know half of what I'm going through. And he said "In any case if you think your life is miserable? Then maybe if your boyfriend does die, you will know I feel - just putting it out there, the pain you are feeling has NOTHING on how I felt when my significant other actually died, at least he is still alive so treasure that". After he said that I broke down and just gave up talking to him. He doesn't know that my family just broke apart, he doesn't know that my boyfriend IS probably dying on the hospital bed right now and I can't DO anything about it. At least he's dating his "significant other'"s best friend now. He has ANOTHER significant other now. And it's because I keep working my ass off to help him keep his NEW significant other.
Words hurt, especially from those that you care about and love. I never knew I'd get that from someone I cared so much about to the point I worried about his health everyday and worry when his girlfriend might dump him again and he goes on suicidal mode. Being the one that always comfort him, I never thought that would come from him, and here I am crying over all this. Truthfully, I know he won't this and I know that I'm just being a drama queen, but these two months, I tried my best not to burden him, because he's going through enough with his girlfriend always wanting to break up. But at the instant I felt like a slap in the face. I fought with him because I disagreed with what he did. Disagreed that he thought he could take over the roleplay world make himself king and set rules that EVERY OTHER FUCKING roleplayer had to follow. It's not fair and it's not right.
But guess what, he doesn't care a word that I said. So, I gave up, I told him I don't want to be part of that family, part of his best friends group. I have my own morals and beliefs, and it's against my morals and beliefs that he thinks what he's doing is right. Guess what I said is wrong to be blown in the face with those words. Cause those words still hurt, reading them hurts! So much, so much that people can't even understand. But I don't regret that argument it's what I thought was right. But thanks for the slap in the face. And because of this damn argument I had at least four nosebleeds today. Yea, my blood boiled.
But as I sit here typing this my left hand's fingers hurt. I decided to play that song, that song my boyfriend played for me on the piano on the guitar. After not touching it for five years, I have to start everything over step by step and the capsules on the fingers hurt but I'm sure when I get it, it will be worth it. Because I know he'll be happy if he could hear it. I can't sing it cause it makes me cry every time I listen to it, so I'll just play the chorus, I'm going to learn it and play it. I never cried so much because of a person because of a song. I know I might be having false hope, this might all just be a dream to me, but I want to keep thinking positively, even though I know the risks, the doubt and what the outcome might be, I'm willing to keep this faith. Because he was the one that taught me, when you're tired you can always lend strength from the one you love and care about, so I will be strong, so he can lend strength from me and win this battle. Before I know it, we can complete our fairytale, write our own ending to our fairytale. We can do it.
Tenshi, I know you can do it. Because when I needed you you helped me through what I needed help with. This time around I'll be here for you, We'll fight together, I'll give you that kick or push when you want to give up and give you a shoulder and a hug when you're in doubt. I'll be your guardian angel, because in my fairytale you'll always be the prince, the prince that brings the princess to happiness in the ending. I'll be that tianshi as you call me, the tianshi that guides the prince to the very end. Because I love you, and it's this love that kept us both fighting. Never give up my prince, aishteru.