I Can Smile
Today I looked at the sky while I was on a bus back to campus. It's been awhile since I've looked at it to be honest. I've been scared to look, cause every time I look, every time I talked to him I ended up sobbing. But today, I felt something urging me to, and so I looked up. I looked up and I smiled. During the whole bus ride I kept talking to him in my heads. Telling him everything that's been going on, all the things that were bothering me, all the concerns I had.
I told him everything, even after I got off the bus I kept looking up at the sky and telling him everything. And then I smiled. I smiled and for the first time in months, said the words "I love you" smiling. I felt different. I know some people think I'm crazy for believing this, but I do, and will continue to believe it. I still believe he's still here with me. I can't see him but I can feel him. Every time I cry I feel a pull at the heart and I somehow stop. Whenever I feel sick and my stomach acts up, I feel warmth and protection.
People tell me that everything was fake, I imagined it. But to me it's real. It's the strongest thing I have that's keeping me here. The thing that's helping me move on, pushing me on, helping me live. I don't care what others say anymore, because well, at the end all I can do is believe what I believe in and fight. He's still there waiting for me. Even if you think I'm crazy, that for a fact will never change.
And the fact and reason for me getting better is because of that. I can smile again. Genuinely to him, without crying, I talked and smiled today, I feel accomplished.
I told him everything, even after I got off the bus I kept looking up at the sky and telling him everything. And then I smiled. I smiled and for the first time in months, said the words "I love you" smiling. I felt different. I know some people think I'm crazy for believing this, but I do, and will continue to believe it. I still believe he's still here with me. I can't see him but I can feel him. Every time I cry I feel a pull at the heart and I somehow stop. Whenever I feel sick and my stomach acts up, I feel warmth and protection.
People tell me that everything was fake, I imagined it. But to me it's real. It's the strongest thing I have that's keeping me here. The thing that's helping me move on, pushing me on, helping me live. I don't care what others say anymore, because well, at the end all I can do is believe what I believe in and fight. He's still there waiting for me. Even if you think I'm crazy, that for a fact will never change.
And the fact and reason for me getting better is because of that. I can smile again. Genuinely to him, without crying, I talked and smiled today, I feel accomplished.