Money Isn't Everything
I grew up being taught money is everything. You get a good education, find a good job and then you're off to some big money. Until these few years, I lived by those words. After college began, so did my dramatic life. Because of things, my life turned 180degrees. My college life wasn't what I imagined it to be. I saw friends, saw good grades, saw laughter, saw smiles. Instead when I started, my high school friends stopped talking to me because of an incident, my grades fell because of that and I tried to avoid them at all costs, there were no laughters, and people frowned and glared at me. I hated it.
All I wanted was for school to end. I don't know when it started though, I started giving up on myself. I'm not wanted at home by my family, I'm not wanted at school by my friends. I just wanted to disappear from society all together. What was the point of being here if no one wanted me here? What was the point of being alive when my existence here didn't make a difference? And that was when I started making online friends. When I was about to give up on life, I found friends that WANTED me and NEEDED me. For the first time in years, I felt love and warmth.
I live for my friends online and now a couple of close friends offline. But these five days I've been home, I can't help but want to END my life. I HATE it here. It's only been five days and all five days, there's arguments everyday. Everyday, I'm called fat, stupid, useless. Everyday, I listen to my grandmother talk about my mom in a way I hate. And in these five days I saw my aunt twice. I despise my aunt. Truthfully, I hate her. Because she's rich, because she has money, she thinks she owns it all. Yesterday I stood up to her for the first time in my life. I'm tired of being treated like a servant. We're FAMILY not her servants.
I would take deep breaths and hold it in, taking it, because for family it's fine. Because for family I would endure it. But I couldn't do it anymore. Her way of looking down on us, her way of thinking that whatever she does is right, I couldn't take it. I want MY story to be heard for once, and because of me speaking back to her, she calls me a senseless child. I don't know anything, I don't understand anything. Little does she know, I understand more than she does. I don't brag because I don't feel the need to. I don't show off because I feel for those who have less than me. I don't look down on others because I believe everyone has equal opportunities. And most of all, I value my family and people I care I love.
After my grandpa's death, she still hasn't learned anything. I would NEVER EVER forgive her for what she did to him. NEVER. I don't care what others say, I don't care how many mansions she own, I don't care how she bribes us by taking us on vacations, to me, she will ALWAYS be the cause of my grandfather's death. If she didn't say what she said to him, did what she did to him, he wouldn't have drank his sorrow away and caused his liver and kidneys to have even more problems. My family blames the doctors, I choose to blame her.
Because I know how he felt. The tears he cried, the words he said, I remember it all and I'll never ever forget it. Even till his last breath, all she said was "I forgive you." Bitch, he's not the one that should be asking for forgiveness, YOU should! Just because you have money doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean you can downgrade people like that. Treat others like shit. Toy others around. Order others like servants. We're HUMANS. We're your FAMILY. And if you haven't learned anything from what you did to grandpa, I'll tell you one thing, I don't NEED you as an aunt.
I don't need to have an aunt that treats others the way you do. I have another aunt that loves me and won't EVER throw money at me like you do, won't ever say hurtful words to me like you do, won't ever treat me like trash like you do. She'll show me she loves me unlike you because obviously your way of love, is treating others like garbage. And if that's the case. I don't need it. I don't have to see you or go to your mansion. When everyone goes, I'll stay at home and have fun with my family online. The people that DO care about how I feel and DO worry about what's going on in my life.
Because you obviously would never bother caring nor worrying about anything that I'm going through. I'll always just be a fat, arrogant, useless, non-American teenager to you because of the pop-culture I like, the way I wanna live, and what I want to do. Unlike you, I don't need a mansion, all I need are people that love me and care about me. I just need enough money to live and enjoy my life, I don't need anything more than that. I'll work more than one job this summer so I don't have to see your face over MY summer vacation.
I'm an adult, NOT a child. I can make my own decisions, and right now, my decision is to get you out of my life, out of my thoughts, so I don't have to get stressed out because of you. I don't need to throw up because of you, I don't need to have sleepless nights because of you. I don't need to cry because of you. Because you're not worth it. You're not worth ANY of it!
All I wanted was for school to end. I don't know when it started though, I started giving up on myself. I'm not wanted at home by my family, I'm not wanted at school by my friends. I just wanted to disappear from society all together. What was the point of being here if no one wanted me here? What was the point of being alive when my existence here didn't make a difference? And that was when I started making online friends. When I was about to give up on life, I found friends that WANTED me and NEEDED me. For the first time in years, I felt love and warmth.
I live for my friends online and now a couple of close friends offline. But these five days I've been home, I can't help but want to END my life. I HATE it here. It's only been five days and all five days, there's arguments everyday. Everyday, I'm called fat, stupid, useless. Everyday, I listen to my grandmother talk about my mom in a way I hate. And in these five days I saw my aunt twice. I despise my aunt. Truthfully, I hate her. Because she's rich, because she has money, she thinks she owns it all. Yesterday I stood up to her for the first time in my life. I'm tired of being treated like a servant. We're FAMILY not her servants.
I would take deep breaths and hold it in, taking it, because for family it's fine. Because for family I would endure it. But I couldn't do it anymore. Her way of looking down on us, her way of thinking that whatever she does is right, I couldn't take it. I want MY story to be heard for once, and because of me speaking back to her, she calls me a senseless child. I don't know anything, I don't understand anything. Little does she know, I understand more than she does. I don't brag because I don't feel the need to. I don't show off because I feel for those who have less than me. I don't look down on others because I believe everyone has equal opportunities. And most of all, I value my family and people I care I love.
After my grandpa's death, she still hasn't learned anything. I would NEVER EVER forgive her for what she did to him. NEVER. I don't care what others say, I don't care how many mansions she own, I don't care how she bribes us by taking us on vacations, to me, she will ALWAYS be the cause of my grandfather's death. If she didn't say what she said to him, did what she did to him, he wouldn't have drank his sorrow away and caused his liver and kidneys to have even more problems. My family blames the doctors, I choose to blame her.
Because I know how he felt. The tears he cried, the words he said, I remember it all and I'll never ever forget it. Even till his last breath, all she said was "I forgive you." Bitch, he's not the one that should be asking for forgiveness, YOU should! Just because you have money doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean you can downgrade people like that. Treat others like shit. Toy others around. Order others like servants. We're HUMANS. We're your FAMILY. And if you haven't learned anything from what you did to grandpa, I'll tell you one thing, I don't NEED you as an aunt.
I don't need to have an aunt that treats others the way you do. I have another aunt that loves me and won't EVER throw money at me like you do, won't ever say hurtful words to me like you do, won't ever treat me like trash like you do. She'll show me she loves me unlike you because obviously your way of love, is treating others like garbage. And if that's the case. I don't need it. I don't have to see you or go to your mansion. When everyone goes, I'll stay at home and have fun with my family online. The people that DO care about how I feel and DO worry about what's going on in my life.
Because you obviously would never bother caring nor worrying about anything that I'm going through. I'll always just be a fat, arrogant, useless, non-American teenager to you because of the pop-culture I like, the way I wanna live, and what I want to do. Unlike you, I don't need a mansion, all I need are people that love me and care about me. I just need enough money to live and enjoy my life, I don't need anything more than that. I'll work more than one job this summer so I don't have to see your face over MY summer vacation.
I'm an adult, NOT a child. I can make my own decisions, and right now, my decision is to get you out of my life, out of my thoughts, so I don't have to get stressed out because of you. I don't need to throw up because of you, I don't need to have sleepless nights because of you. I don't need to cry because of you. Because you're not worth it. You're not worth ANY of it!