Where is the hope for mental illness?
Hey guys I'm so sorry I've once again been away for a while. I'm turning out to be a bad lj friend. I just got really depressed AGAIN back down into the pit. Having trouble getting out. Freaked out in therapy today having a full out panic/ cry fest picking the shit out of myself the last 3 days. My therapist is trying the EMDR therapy with me to help me learn to decrease or control my anxiety. Eye movement desensitization (I don't rememeber what the R stands for.) basically I listen and watch this electronic dot bounce around and try to concentrate on relaxation, it does help but I don't know yet how practical it is to practice this when I can't do anything like that outside the office. Tomorrow I have an appt with a new psychiatrist. Its a guy. I've never gone to a guy. its also at 7 friggin am so I am going to go to sleep soon. I just wonder if this will ever ever end. I also wonder sometimes if I am bipolar like my dad and maybe this isn't major depressive disorder. I totally wear myself out with my anxiety and then I feel disoriented and confused and just wiped physically as if I just ran a marathon. I don't know. But whatever it is I just wish scientist knew more about specific brain connects and what I'm missing or have to much of or whats not connected right up there so that I can have a chance at a truly consistently happy life (not that life wouldn't have its ups and downs, just not to this extreme). I am just feeling more and more hopeless the more this happens. I feel like giving up often. Not because I want to die, but because I don't want to deal with this depression mind whatever the F it is shit. Its just so much. and no one who hasn't been through it can really really understand so you're left blaming yourself and your existence. I don't anticipate them finding a cure for me anytime soon, so what hope am I left with if this is truly a great deal biological which everyone I've seen seems to think. I'm seeking help I'm doing what I should, where is my hope?