hate myself

[uglyfatty1]

I don't have much to say. I haven't writen a lot lately cause I am really depressed. I purged 3 times today, and one time was in a public bathroom with stalls... no one was in there, but I can't believe I took that chance. whatever I don't have much to say, I've been depressed. apparantly after 7 years of secrecy I have finally officially bee

Comments

[uglyfatty1]

thanks for saying that. doesn't it scare you to meet someone from online. I went out and got drunk and then told my boyfriend and roommate I wished I were dead. It was not pleasant after that. But I am starting to feel better tonight.

[anonymous]

lol, I'm glad I don't give that vibe. where around do you live again?

[uglyfatty1]

sorry didn't mean to post anon. I thought I was logged in.

[uglyfatty1]

thats right... where around downtown do you work? like what landmarks or big stores are around.

[uglyfatty1]

oh I know post office square... wow so close... ok give me some time, I think it might be nice to meet, but I am scared of social situations in general, let alone for someone who reads my lj to actually really know me. I know it sounds dumb, but I imagine the worst senario where I would meet someone, and then they decide they hate me, and then expose me and my lj. I go to great lengths to disguise myself here...It would be nice to really talk to someone though.. what you said in that other reply about thinking of your boyfriend with someone who doesn't "put them threw as much as I do" type thing really hit me. I think about that all the time. I'm like its only a matter of time before I break him.. even when people really love eachother, there is a breaking point for everyone where they just can't take it anymore, I don't want to bring him to that point... I think it would bring me over the edge. not really because of the end of the relationship (although it would be hell on earth) but knowing the reason why it happened, because I can