This Could Be the Very Minute
Part 1: Things I Can't Control
Life is filled with some unknown variables. We experience them every second of everyday. A person you haven't seen in years suddenly walks around the corner, you slip and fall on a wet spot in the kitchen, you find a dollar bill on the ground. All of these are unforeseen and uncontrollable. And then there are things that we attempt to control in which we cannot. We keep playing that game of tug of war hoping that our own efforts will over power the natural course of life... and we play that game until we inevitably realize that we are the weaker force in the equation. I wish that I could realize that sooner than later.
Part 2: Waiting for Answers that Never Seem to Come
Everyday I feel like I'm a patient in the lobby of a doctor's office, waiting to get examined. That anxious and nervous feeling of the future is always creepily looking over my shoulder. It's a feeling that I can't shake or shrug off because the future is a bright neon sign infront of my face: hard to miss and bright as hell. I feel that even though I do want answers to the main questions I have I know that a part of me doesn't want to know. That I just want to keep pushing it off another day. All the while my brain is exploding with thoughts of "what if" contingencies. At least it keeps me busy at work.
Part 3: All that Effort for Fruitless Results
Work has been a great source of disappointment for the last few months. Even though I have given Target a great deal over the last few months I feel that I'm still coming up short. I applied for a position that would have given me quiet a bit of financial security but alas I did not get it and now I'm left here to pick up the pieces and figure out what exactly went wrong. I was told by Target originally to "step up" and that I was "full of potential", a phrase I'm sure they pull out of a manager's book or something. So what do I do? I become Mr. Eager Beaver and step up, hoping to really unlock my "potential" or whatever Shenanigans they want from me and it ended up exploding in my face. Now I'm kind of wondering what Target wants from me? With an impressive interview I still did not meet expectations or qualifications and now I'm stuck in a dead end part of the store and a dead end part of my life.
Page 4: (A tribute to Paul Harvey and his daily reading of the pages)
I've recently been inspired to begin writing a screenplay based on the interactions of four best friends in college, on the verge of making huge life decisions. I know it sounds pretty basic and a copy-cat version of some of today's more popular cinemas, but I decided that most of their decisions will be based on and impacted by the death of their mutual friend John. More details will sure to come and be posted in my other lj that was mentioned in the previous post a few weeks ago. I'm fairly excited to try a new writing style and really dive in head first to see what I can come up with.
Part 5: The Sequel to Part 4
On a final note, I'm getting a little tired of having to play so many different parts. The son, the friend, the roommate, the employee. It seems that every role has a different set of rules and boundaries and it's really frustrating. I come home and just think about all of these different things I have to remember and focus on. Sometimes I just want to go out to the balcony and let out a "barbaric yawp" to quote Mr. Keating. But I don't think that would help anything, just bring a calm to the storm and let me keep pushing on through. Within the next few weeks there will be changes, some good and some bad and I know that I will have to adapt and push past my own comfort zone in the hopes of coming out benefiting from what has happened, but like I said up above.. there are so many factors in this life that we cannot predict or see that every second is a roll of the the dice.
Life is filled with some unknown variables. We experience them every second of everyday. A person you haven't seen in years suddenly walks around the corner, you slip and fall on a wet spot in the kitchen, you find a dollar bill on the ground. All of these are unforeseen and uncontrollable. And then there are things that we attempt to control in which we cannot. We keep playing that game of tug of war hoping that our own efforts will over power the natural course of life... and we play that game until we inevitably realize that we are the weaker force in the equation. I wish that I could realize that sooner than later.
Part 2: Waiting for Answers that Never Seem to Come
Everyday I feel like I'm a patient in the lobby of a doctor's office, waiting to get examined. That anxious and nervous feeling of the future is always creepily looking over my shoulder. It's a feeling that I can't shake or shrug off because the future is a bright neon sign infront of my face: hard to miss and bright as hell. I feel that even though I do want answers to the main questions I have I know that a part of me doesn't want to know. That I just want to keep pushing it off another day. All the while my brain is exploding with thoughts of "what if" contingencies. At least it keeps me busy at work.
Part 3: All that Effort for Fruitless Results
Work has been a great source of disappointment for the last few months. Even though I have given Target a great deal over the last few months I feel that I'm still coming up short. I applied for a position that would have given me quiet a bit of financial security but alas I did not get it and now I'm left here to pick up the pieces and figure out what exactly went wrong. I was told by Target originally to "step up" and that I was "full of potential", a phrase I'm sure they pull out of a manager's book or something. So what do I do? I become Mr. Eager Beaver and step up, hoping to really unlock my "potential" or whatever Shenanigans they want from me and it ended up exploding in my face. Now I'm kind of wondering what Target wants from me? With an impressive interview I still did not meet expectations or qualifications and now I'm stuck in a dead end part of the store and a dead end part of my life.
Page 4: (A tribute to Paul Harvey and his daily reading of the pages)
I've recently been inspired to begin writing a screenplay based on the interactions of four best friends in college, on the verge of making huge life decisions. I know it sounds pretty basic and a copy-cat version of some of today's more popular cinemas, but I decided that most of their decisions will be based on and impacted by the death of their mutual friend John. More details will sure to come and be posted in my other lj that was mentioned in the previous post a few weeks ago. I'm fairly excited to try a new writing style and really dive in head first to see what I can come up with.
Part 5: The Sequel to Part 4
On a final note, I'm getting a little tired of having to play so many different parts. The son, the friend, the roommate, the employee. It seems that every role has a different set of rules and boundaries and it's really frustrating. I come home and just think about all of these different things I have to remember and focus on. Sometimes I just want to go out to the balcony and let out a "barbaric yawp" to quote Mr. Keating. But I don't think that would help anything, just bring a calm to the storm and let me keep pushing on through. Within the next few weeks there will be changes, some good and some bad and I know that I will have to adapt and push past my own comfort zone in the hopes of coming out benefiting from what has happened, but like I said up above.. there are so many factors in this life that we cannot predict or see that every second is a roll of the the dice.