I'm lost
So pretty much everything about my life has or is about to change. nothing is the way that it used to be. i used to be really scared of change like i didnt want to change and i didnt want any of my friends to change either but im not so sure that change is a bad thing anymore. i feel like i have not really grown up but just grown away from my friends. i dont hang out with anyone anymore. i work, hang out at home, and i am with chris every day. and i am content with that. i used to want to be with my friends every day all the time like i just couldnt sit still and i always had to be around people. i always wanted to party and drink and i loved smoking pot too. then when i moved in with steven i got a taste of being able to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and i realized its not really all that amazing. i had to work to pay bills and there was housework that needed to be done and responsibilities to be taken over and i guess it just made me grow out of always needing to be around my friends. then i moved back to my parents' house and my brother moved back around the same time and i havent been that close to him in the past few years and since we have been here we have gotten a lot closer. actually we are getting a townhouse together in hickory hills we just signed the lease on friday and we pick up the keys august 8th. but now its just like i feel awkward when i hang out with any of my friends from school and i dont know why. i think a part of it is that they are still into parties and drinking and drugs and i am not into any of that anymore. i am into getting a nice place to live and figuring out what i want to do with my life. i want to get a good job that i enjoy that gives me enough money for rent and then some left over and then i want to go back to school but i dont know what i want to go for. i love chris with all my heart. we have been dating for about 3 months and we are together every day and i love every second of it we have already taken a trip to NC together both of our families like each other our parents have even met each other and i am going on vacation with him for a week to his grandparents' house next month. he is the most important thing in my life and i know he is going to be here for a long time. i am content with the way everything is right now, but i feel bad that i am leaving my friends behind and i dont know what to do. it isnt fun for me anymore so do i put myself in an awkward situation and try to salvage the friendship or so i just let things take their natural course and let the friendship fade? i am not sure that it would be a good thing to try and force the realationship if it isnt happening naturally so i guess this is where we go our seperate ways. it was fun and i will always remember you, but it isnt fun anymore we both have new people in our lives that have taken each other's place and its time to move on. a lot of people grow apart its a natural part of life. farewell old friend have a good life.