the only way to really know is to really let it go
i'm pretty sure that i'm failing really hard at life right now. ugh.
i've talked a few times about my driving phobia. i feel like it's just getting worse.
i don't know if it's because my anxiety is flaring and has been progressively worse as of late. i sort of hope that's the case because i'm back on anti-anxiety meds. i hope it's not me becoming completely paranoid and terrified about getting behind the wheel.
i always have a sense of worry when i'm about to get behind the wheel with the intention of driving more than 10 minutes away. that feeling is magnified when the weather is bad...rain, snow, etc. it takes a supreme amount of effort to focus on my music, to focus on breathing normally, to focus on just getting from point a to b without overthinking everything. the thing is, i'm a perfectly fine driver. i did fine in driver's ed and did fine on my driver's test.
i don't know where this anxiety comes from. i just freak out and think i'm going to get into an accident. i think about hydroplaning or getting read-ended or something like that. i'm really careful when i drive...i don't text, i don't even look at passengers when they talk to me (like, at all), i don't fidget too much with the radio.
maybe it's me thinking too much about the unknown, the what-ifs, the things i can't control. that's usually what gets me when other things are concerned.
i don't know what happened today. it was raining, but i've driven in the rain hundreds of times with no problem. but for some reason...it was just too much. i got maybe 12 minutes from my house and was completely terrified. i thought i felt my wheels slide but i may have imagined it. i don't know. it got to the point where i couldn't breathe, where i was shaking so hard and hyperventilating, that i had to pull over. i was hysterical for a half an hour before my dad came to get me. i couldn't even drive myself home. my brother had to drop my dad off. even sitting as a passenger i had to close my eyes because i was so freaked out. i hadn't even planned on calling my dad...i was going to sit in the car until the rain stopped, be it 20 minutes or 3 hours.
it was awful. i came home, took a Xanax, and slept for the afternoon.
i'm still really tense and shaken. i know come tomorrow my back will hurt like hell.
christ. i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't know how to fix this. i'm hoping that the anxiety meds will help regulate this stuff, but what if it doesn't ? how the hell do i overcome this?
i need to get from here to northampton sometime in the next few days. i need to go to the yarn store. it's 45 minutes away. i won't go unless the weather is nice...
...but what if i can't handle it again?
what's wrong with me?
i've talked a few times about my driving phobia. i feel like it's just getting worse.
i don't know if it's because my anxiety is flaring and has been progressively worse as of late. i sort of hope that's the case because i'm back on anti-anxiety meds. i hope it's not me becoming completely paranoid and terrified about getting behind the wheel.
i always have a sense of worry when i'm about to get behind the wheel with the intention of driving more than 10 minutes away. that feeling is magnified when the weather is bad...rain, snow, etc. it takes a supreme amount of effort to focus on my music, to focus on breathing normally, to focus on just getting from point a to b without overthinking everything. the thing is, i'm a perfectly fine driver. i did fine in driver's ed and did fine on my driver's test.
i don't know where this anxiety comes from. i just freak out and think i'm going to get into an accident. i think about hydroplaning or getting read-ended or something like that. i'm really careful when i drive...i don't text, i don't even look at passengers when they talk to me (like, at all), i don't fidget too much with the radio.
maybe it's me thinking too much about the unknown, the what-ifs, the things i can't control. that's usually what gets me when other things are concerned.
i don't know what happened today. it was raining, but i've driven in the rain hundreds of times with no problem. but for some reason...it was just too much. i got maybe 12 minutes from my house and was completely terrified. i thought i felt my wheels slide but i may have imagined it. i don't know. it got to the point where i couldn't breathe, where i was shaking so hard and hyperventilating, that i had to pull over. i was hysterical for a half an hour before my dad came to get me. i couldn't even drive myself home. my brother had to drop my dad off. even sitting as a passenger i had to close my eyes because i was so freaked out. i hadn't even planned on calling my dad...i was going to sit in the car until the rain stopped, be it 20 minutes or 3 hours.
it was awful. i came home, took a Xanax, and slept for the afternoon.
i'm still really tense and shaken. i know come tomorrow my back will hurt like hell.
christ. i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't know how to fix this. i'm hoping that the anxiety meds will help regulate this stuff, but what if it doesn't ? how the hell do i overcome this?
i need to get from here to northampton sometime in the next few days. i need to go to the yarn store. it's 45 minutes away. i won't go unless the weather is nice...
...but what if i can't handle it again?
what's wrong with me?