(no subject)
Every time I make a post I feel like I should start off by apologizing even though I know it's stupid because no one really cares if I don't post for a long ass time. It's not like I don't post anywhere. I just easily neglect this journal. Maybe because I feel like there's no specific purpose. It's just a general diary type dealie and I've never really been one for diaries. If I want to post random thoughts, I use facebook. If I want to see news updates I use twitter. If I want to post random video game related things, I use playfire. MAL kind of fails for anime, but I don't really talk a lot about anime outside of MSN. So meh. One thing I should probably use more is Deviant art and practice my drawing more, but I'll get to that in a bit.
BEFORE THAT, however, I'm going to bitch and whine. Because after four years or so my job is really starting to get on my nerves. I'm making minimum wage and lately I've been getting really stressed out on how I literally do ALL the work while other projections get paid the same amount to do NOTHING. I've tried talking to management about this but they're just like "Well you're the only one who knows how to do it"...which is just complete bullshit. It also sucks that I'm never free on Fridays or Saturdays when most people want to go out and do things. I could find a new job, but I'm pretty sure that it will be that much more stressful and the pay won't be much better. I'm thinking of cutting back on work and focusing on other things (like drawing or writing) but that would mean less money to live off of. So right now, I'm feeling kind of...stuck.
I want to write more. But seem to lack motivation or get a writers block when I sit down to actually try. What am I writing? Reviews. I thought I'd review the games I played just because...well...why not? Game Journalism does interest me, though I don't think I'm good enough to make it a profession. Also, everyone in that industry seems super tense and super stressed all the time. I did manage to get one review out:
http://www.screwattack.com/news/shin-megami-tensei-devil-survivor-overclocked-review
And I did another for a fictional game as a joke. But that doesn't really make sense unless you watch screwattack videos. I have like...a fifth of a review written for Disgaea 4 sitting on my computer, but so many weeks have gone by it just feels irrelevant. I also need to write a review for White Knight Chronicles II (I do have a lot to say for that). I find I'm having the same problem I've had all my life. Getting started. Once I get started, everything seems to just flow naturally. I can write and write non stop. It's just getting motivated enough to start in the first place that I find unusually difficult.
Another thing I want to do is draw more. I've put it off for years. But I can't deny the fact that I love drawing. It's relaxing for me. Just moving a medium across a support...I find the physical act of it to be soothing. Sort of like meditation for me. I just have problems coming up with WHAT to draw. And I'm so out of practice that my drawings turn out horribly and I just feel discouraged with the final product. If I want to go back to school (which I do, very badly), I'm going to need a portfolio. And to build my portfolio I'm going to need to practice a lot more. So what should I force myself to draw? The ideas I've come up with so far are:
Life drawing - figure studies
life drawing - portraiture
life drawing - hands and feet
Modern Architecture
Classical Architecture
Something Organic
Something Manmade/mechanical
Still Lifes
Perspective Drawings
If I can bring myself to spend at LEAST an hour drawing one of these subjects a day, then perhaps in a few months I'll feel confident enough to start building my portfolio and moving forward. That's what I need to do more than anything. I'm 25 years old and I feel like I've been at a stand still for the past 5 years or so. I need to improve myself. I need to learn. I don't feel any motivation to do anything. So I need to MAKE myself motivated. I need to set goals and stick to them.
So I guess that brings me around to the whole point of this. I'm thinking of turning this blog into a daily planner. If I feel like I'm being held accountable for making progress towards my goals perhaps I'll be more motivated to actually achieve them. If I force myself to post every single day what I've accomplished, I can look back and track my progress towards achieving my goals. I can look over the days I skipped and try to find a reason/pattern behind them (burnt out from work, didn't sleep well, too busy goofing off with friends, etc), then perhaps I can prevent them in the future.
The biggest downside to this is that I've been procrastinating for...well...7 years pretty much (up to high school doesn't count. That's MEANT to be a big joke). So I have a LOT of work to do. Like...an overwhelmingly ridiculous amount of work to do. I know I can only do it at one step at a time, but I fear I will shortly fall back into the habit of the dull daily grind and continue to stagnate. But hey, even if I do, at least I made an effort. This initial step of thinking ahead (or...wall of rambling text on my blog, however you want to see it) is better than nothing, right?
BEFORE THAT, however, I'm going to bitch and whine. Because after four years or so my job is really starting to get on my nerves. I'm making minimum wage and lately I've been getting really stressed out on how I literally do ALL the work while other projections get paid the same amount to do NOTHING. I've tried talking to management about this but they're just like "Well you're the only one who knows how to do it"...which is just complete bullshit. It also sucks that I'm never free on Fridays or Saturdays when most people want to go out and do things. I could find a new job, but I'm pretty sure that it will be that much more stressful and the pay won't be much better. I'm thinking of cutting back on work and focusing on other things (like drawing or writing) but that would mean less money to live off of. So right now, I'm feeling kind of...stuck.
I want to write more. But seem to lack motivation or get a writers block when I sit down to actually try. What am I writing? Reviews. I thought I'd review the games I played just because...well...why not? Game Journalism does interest me, though I don't think I'm good enough to make it a profession. Also, everyone in that industry seems super tense and super stressed all the time. I did manage to get one review out:
http://www.screwattack.com/news/shin-megami-tensei-devil-survivor-overclocked-review
And I did another for a fictional game as a joke. But that doesn't really make sense unless you watch screwattack videos. I have like...a fifth of a review written for Disgaea 4 sitting on my computer, but so many weeks have gone by it just feels irrelevant. I also need to write a review for White Knight Chronicles II (I do have a lot to say for that). I find I'm having the same problem I've had all my life. Getting started. Once I get started, everything seems to just flow naturally. I can write and write non stop. It's just getting motivated enough to start in the first place that I find unusually difficult.
Another thing I want to do is draw more. I've put it off for years. But I can't deny the fact that I love drawing. It's relaxing for me. Just moving a medium across a support...I find the physical act of it to be soothing. Sort of like meditation for me. I just have problems coming up with WHAT to draw. And I'm so out of practice that my drawings turn out horribly and I just feel discouraged with the final product. If I want to go back to school (which I do, very badly), I'm going to need a portfolio. And to build my portfolio I'm going to need to practice a lot more. So what should I force myself to draw? The ideas I've come up with so far are:
Life drawing - figure studies
life drawing - portraiture
life drawing - hands and feet
Modern Architecture
Classical Architecture
Something Organic
Something Manmade/mechanical
Still Lifes
Perspective Drawings
If I can bring myself to spend at LEAST an hour drawing one of these subjects a day, then perhaps in a few months I'll feel confident enough to start building my portfolio and moving forward. That's what I need to do more than anything. I'm 25 years old and I feel like I've been at a stand still for the past 5 years or so. I need to improve myself. I need to learn. I don't feel any motivation to do anything. So I need to MAKE myself motivated. I need to set goals and stick to them.
So I guess that brings me around to the whole point of this. I'm thinking of turning this blog into a daily planner. If I feel like I'm being held accountable for making progress towards my goals perhaps I'll be more motivated to actually achieve them. If I force myself to post every single day what I've accomplished, I can look back and track my progress towards achieving my goals. I can look over the days I skipped and try to find a reason/pattern behind them (burnt out from work, didn't sleep well, too busy goofing off with friends, etc), then perhaps I can prevent them in the future.
The biggest downside to this is that I've been procrastinating for...well...7 years pretty much (up to high school doesn't count. That's MEANT to be a big joke). So I have a LOT of work to do. Like...an overwhelmingly ridiculous amount of work to do. I know I can only do it at one step at a time, but I fear I will shortly fall back into the habit of the dull daily grind and continue to stagnate. But hey, even if I do, at least I made an effort. This initial step of thinking ahead (or...wall of rambling text on my blog, however you want to see it) is better than nothing, right?