(no subject)
I haven't drawn anything since Thursday. I can't really say just why. I've been constantly tired and just wanting to stay home and play video games. I need to correct this. I need to draw. I need to get better. Can't slip back into old habits.
I haven't logged in to check up on my student loans in a while. It's been about 4 years now. I had $7034 worth of debt when I started. I'm down to $4012 now (that's making the minimum payments mind you...). It's split up into two different student loans (BC and National)..one of them I've paid off just over $2000. The other only $700. $700 in four years seems kind of terrible actually. I'm wondering if I should be paying more. Make one time payments here and there? Or perhaps force myself to pay it off faster by increasing how much money they take out my account each month...not sure if I can always afford that though. Some months I just barely get by (but that's because I spend all my money on fast food and video games >.< ). Blah. I need to plan my finances better...
Been playing lots of games lately. I picked up a Playstation Move controller (the bundle was on sale and I got a paycheck in, so I figured why not). I picked up Dead Space 2 and beat Dead Space Extraction which came with it. I also finally played and beat Limbo. I'm close to the end in Rocket Birds and Sly 2. Also been playing some Sideway New York, LittleBigPlanet 2, Borderlands, Sly Minigames, Transformers War For Cybertron and a few other things. What's awesome about Rocket Birds is that I won it for free. Well..not really "won"..but Destructoid put a code out on their facebook and I was the first to enter it in my PSN account. So I've been playing a game a week before it even released (it makes me feel speshul XP)..
In spite of my excessive escapism though, I'm really really hating life recently. My mother is a horrible person who has just been making me completely miserable the past few days. On one day I couldn't get any sleep at all. I finally doze off and get woken up a hour later. Naturally I'm a little grumpy...but no...I'm not allowed to be grumpy apparently. She screams at me until she's in tears and then acts like nothing ever happened 30 minutes later. Just a few minutes prior to typing this, she starts banging on the walls as she always does whenever she hears any noise when she tries to sleep (she's convinced its my TV which I always keep at a relatively low volume). I bang back and go to explain to her that I was just quietly sitting at my comp. She's furious at me, yells at me to get out and that she's sick of my "disrespectful attitude"...because I banged on the wall ONCE when she's been doing it on a nearly daily basis for years. I swear, she's fucking psychotic. She makes everything difficult for herself, becomes miserable with her life and then takes it out on her family. Every single time she talks to me...like...LITERALLY every single time, it's to nag at me, yell at me, or complain about how stressful her life is. I don't remember the last time I've had a NORMAL conversation with her. Seriously, it's probably been over a decade. Even first thing in the morning, you'd think a simple "good morning" would suffice...but no, she just nags me to put dishes in the dishwasher and walks off to get ready for work.
I loathe my family. I loathe living with my family. I need to get away and just never talk to them again. But I lack the money to do so. I lack the means to acquire the money to do so. So I need to draw...I need to go back to school. I need to get a job I enjoy. I need to get out, never look back and finally start living a peaceful life. I'm starting to find that escapism can only take me so far...
I haven't logged in to check up on my student loans in a while. It's been about 4 years now. I had $7034 worth of debt when I started. I'm down to $4012 now (that's making the minimum payments mind you...). It's split up into two different student loans (BC and National)..one of them I've paid off just over $2000. The other only $700. $700 in four years seems kind of terrible actually. I'm wondering if I should be paying more. Make one time payments here and there? Or perhaps force myself to pay it off faster by increasing how much money they take out my account each month...not sure if I can always afford that though. Some months I just barely get by (but that's because I spend all my money on fast food and video games >.< ). Blah. I need to plan my finances better...
Been playing lots of games lately. I picked up a Playstation Move controller (the bundle was on sale and I got a paycheck in, so I figured why not). I picked up Dead Space 2 and beat Dead Space Extraction which came with it. I also finally played and beat Limbo. I'm close to the end in Rocket Birds and Sly 2. Also been playing some Sideway New York, LittleBigPlanet 2, Borderlands, Sly Minigames, Transformers War For Cybertron and a few other things. What's awesome about Rocket Birds is that I won it for free. Well..not really "won"..but Destructoid put a code out on their facebook and I was the first to enter it in my PSN account. So I've been playing a game a week before it even released (it makes me feel speshul XP)..
In spite of my excessive escapism though, I'm really really hating life recently. My mother is a horrible person who has just been making me completely miserable the past few days. On one day I couldn't get any sleep at all. I finally doze off and get woken up a hour later. Naturally I'm a little grumpy...but no...I'm not allowed to be grumpy apparently. She screams at me until she's in tears and then acts like nothing ever happened 30 minutes later. Just a few minutes prior to typing this, she starts banging on the walls as she always does whenever she hears any noise when she tries to sleep (she's convinced its my TV which I always keep at a relatively low volume). I bang back and go to explain to her that I was just quietly sitting at my comp. She's furious at me, yells at me to get out and that she's sick of my "disrespectful attitude"...because I banged on the wall ONCE when she's been doing it on a nearly daily basis for years. I swear, she's fucking psychotic. She makes everything difficult for herself, becomes miserable with her life and then takes it out on her family. Every single time she talks to me...like...LITERALLY every single time, it's to nag at me, yell at me, or complain about how stressful her life is. I don't remember the last time I've had a NORMAL conversation with her. Seriously, it's probably been over a decade. Even first thing in the morning, you'd think a simple "good morning" would suffice...but no, she just nags me to put dishes in the dishwasher and walks off to get ready for work.
I loathe my family. I loathe living with my family. I need to get away and just never talk to them again. But I lack the money to do so. I lack the means to acquire the money to do so. So I need to draw...I need to go back to school. I need to get a job I enjoy. I need to get out, never look back and finally start living a peaceful life. I'm starting to find that escapism can only take me so far...