Opening the Door to the Past...
History really does have a habit of repeating itself. As one ex is now a figment of my past, another one just walked back into my life, by way of the front door at Shari's. This is no mere ex, this is the Original Ex. My first love. The one in which I gave my, then, unweary heart, my first kiss, and my pure self. He had all of me. Now I am broken, pessimistic, and hard. This is not exclusively because of him, but of the turmoil the last few years of dating has brought me (and I'm sure everyone else for that matter.) His name is Marshall. But back then I was a much different person, unscathed. As my first boyfriend I was surprised it lasted for almost 2 years. I always thought it would last longer, but better it didn't. When I was with him, i felt there was no better place in the world. But in the end, he was nothing he appeared. To this day, I think he still takes the cake on the subject of the most hurtful thing anybody has ever said to me. Surprisingly enough, Frank didn't even top this one. After Marshall and I broke up the subject of his virginity arose; he protested the lie that he was still in fact a virgin. Not many teenage boys would argue the oppostion, but he did. After hearing this newfound propaganda, I confronted him on the matter. Because the fact was, marshall and i shared that experience. I thought he loved me and we were in the same place, but after hearing that I wasn't so sure. I think I blocked most of that conversation out of my mind, but one part will always linger. He looked into my eyes with the coldest stare, that rendered no emotion, but shear loathing and said, " Savannah, it never fucking happened." He denied me, for everything that I was. He managed to take our experience together, something that was pure and cherished, and pervert it into anything but. He made it as clear as an unmuddied lake that I was nothing to him. Imagine, finally giving your whole self to somebody after two years and one day finding your heart, soul, and everything you are tossed aside as if you are nothing. That was the last time we ever spoke, up until yesterday. I had spent 3 years with out seeing nor speaking to him. It has taken him this long to finally realize that he had made some mistakes with the way he treated me and now, apparently, is ready to apologize.
After their first love, everyone always says they'll never love again...but I did love again a few years later. My relationship with Frank was almost as trying as mine was with Marshall; which makes me ask the question, does it get easier as you get older? Probably not. But to those two men...Thanks for helping me realize that nobody is as good as you want them to be. As for love, I have learned, "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down." -Billy Shakespeare. Who know's maybe third time really is a charm. Only time will tell.
-S
and to that one person who might stumble across this post...we are very exclusive here at Pity Party Posts, so go fuck yourself if you don't like what i write. Thank You for cooperating.
After their first love, everyone always says they'll never love again...but I did love again a few years later. My relationship with Frank was almost as trying as mine was with Marshall; which makes me ask the question, does it get easier as you get older? Probably not. But to those two men...Thanks for helping me realize that nobody is as good as you want them to be. As for love, I have learned, "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down." -Billy Shakespeare. Who know's maybe third time really is a charm. Only time will tell.
-S
and to that one person who might stumble across this post...we are very exclusive here at Pity Party Posts, so go fuck yourself if you don't like what i write. Thank You for cooperating.