(no subject)
Ok so I didn't just write this entry, I copied it from my myspace blog. I've been writing in that more frequently than LJ, obviously. But now that I actually have time to update, (while hard at work of course) I'm going to make more of an effort.
This was May:
It's really nice to have a job where I only work four days a week. Thursday through Sunday I try to busy myself with work. However, Sunday night through Wednesday night, I'm free. My "weekend" started out good. I went to physical therapy on Monday, got a much needed haircut, then to Weight Watchers- I lost another 4 pounds- Go Me!
Tuesday morning I was getting ready to meet a friend for coffee, and my stepmother called to let me know that my father was rushed to the emergency room early tuesday morning for a cardiac episode. He started having pains in his chest and back and it got so bad he had to take one of his nitro glycerins and call 911. They took him to the Backus hospital in Norwich where he was given some "Clot-Block" medicine and the doctors there decided to helicopter him to Yale New Haven.
It has been nearly two years to the date of his first heart attack which is pretty eerie. By the time he got to New Haven they couldn't find any abnormalities. They did a couple of EKG's and checked the stents from his first procedure and everything looked like it was in good shape. At first their best guess was that it was a blood clot that caused the episode but as of Tuesday afternoon they had no definitive answer. I went up there on Tuesday and spent a few hours with him. He was pretty out of it, but it seemed like he was doing alright.
Cut to Wednesday. My stepmom called to let me know they ran some blood enzyme tests and confirm that he did in fact have a heart attack. They want to keep him for a few more days to run some more tests and to check out some other things that they're concerned about.
This terrifies me. When he had his first heart attack at 71, I was completely shocked. My dad is in great shape and has the energy level of a 25 year old. When he was taken into the hospital, it totally shook my belief system. I know my father is getting older, but this was the first time that he'd ever had anything seriously wrong with him. After his first heart attack, he changed a lot of things. He's been eating the right things, lost some weight, takes his medication and gets plenty of excercise, and still, this happens. I guess it's scary to know that there are no guarantees when it comes to your health. You can do all the right things and still end up fighting for your life.
I didn't go to see him last night. I wish I could have but I had a lot of things I had to do before this morning. My stepmom and brother went up to see him again last night, which makes me feel better to know that he's not in that hospital room alone. The weird thing is I've been on edge ever since Tuesday. It didn't really hit me until last night that he'd had another heart attack. The seriousness put me into a state of panic to the point where I thought I was having a heart attack too. My heart started racing, I had pains in my left arm, and I could not calm down. I was convinced that I too was headed down that heart disease path, since it runs on both sides of my family.
Maybe it was just my imagination getting the better of me, but it seems like a good possibility that if I don't change some things in my life, that I will be a good candidate for a heart attack. At least now I'm losing weight which is a step in the right direction, but I'm still smoking and not exercising as much as I should be. Even this morning I woke up ridden with anxiety and I don't know how to make it stop. I tried breathing exercises last night and had a couple of glasses of wine to try to help me ease the nervousness but nothing worked. Miraculously, I managed to fall asleep but I'm still a little on edge today.
I don't know. I think I just needed to vent my concerns over what's happening in my life. Nothing is stable, it's all fluid and it could come crashing down at any time. That's the thing that really scares me. So, for now, I'm going to try and get on with my day. Maybe being at work will help, but I don't think I'll feel okay again until I know for a fact that my dad will be up and running again soon.
This was May:
It's really nice to have a job where I only work four days a week. Thursday through Sunday I try to busy myself with work. However, Sunday night through Wednesday night, I'm free. My "weekend" started out good. I went to physical therapy on Monday, got a much needed haircut, then to Weight Watchers- I lost another 4 pounds- Go Me!
Tuesday morning I was getting ready to meet a friend for coffee, and my stepmother called to let me know that my father was rushed to the emergency room early tuesday morning for a cardiac episode. He started having pains in his chest and back and it got so bad he had to take one of his nitro glycerins and call 911. They took him to the Backus hospital in Norwich where he was given some "Clot-Block" medicine and the doctors there decided to helicopter him to Yale New Haven.
It has been nearly two years to the date of his first heart attack which is pretty eerie. By the time he got to New Haven they couldn't find any abnormalities. They did a couple of EKG's and checked the stents from his first procedure and everything looked like it was in good shape. At first their best guess was that it was a blood clot that caused the episode but as of Tuesday afternoon they had no definitive answer. I went up there on Tuesday and spent a few hours with him. He was pretty out of it, but it seemed like he was doing alright.
Cut to Wednesday. My stepmom called to let me know they ran some blood enzyme tests and confirm that he did in fact have a heart attack. They want to keep him for a few more days to run some more tests and to check out some other things that they're concerned about.
This terrifies me. When he had his first heart attack at 71, I was completely shocked. My dad is in great shape and has the energy level of a 25 year old. When he was taken into the hospital, it totally shook my belief system. I know my father is getting older, but this was the first time that he'd ever had anything seriously wrong with him. After his first heart attack, he changed a lot of things. He's been eating the right things, lost some weight, takes his medication and gets plenty of excercise, and still, this happens. I guess it's scary to know that there are no guarantees when it comes to your health. You can do all the right things and still end up fighting for your life.
I didn't go to see him last night. I wish I could have but I had a lot of things I had to do before this morning. My stepmom and brother went up to see him again last night, which makes me feel better to know that he's not in that hospital room alone. The weird thing is I've been on edge ever since Tuesday. It didn't really hit me until last night that he'd had another heart attack. The seriousness put me into a state of panic to the point where I thought I was having a heart attack too. My heart started racing, I had pains in my left arm, and I could not calm down. I was convinced that I too was headed down that heart disease path, since it runs on both sides of my family.
Maybe it was just my imagination getting the better of me, but it seems like a good possibility that if I don't change some things in my life, that I will be a good candidate for a heart attack. At least now I'm losing weight which is a step in the right direction, but I'm still smoking and not exercising as much as I should be. Even this morning I woke up ridden with anxiety and I don't know how to make it stop. I tried breathing exercises last night and had a couple of glasses of wine to try to help me ease the nervousness but nothing worked. Miraculously, I managed to fall asleep but I'm still a little on edge today.
I don't know. I think I just needed to vent my concerns over what's happening in my life. Nothing is stable, it's all fluid and it could come crashing down at any time. That's the thing that really scares me. So, for now, I'm going to try and get on with my day. Maybe being at work will help, but I don't think I'll feel okay again until I know for a fact that my dad will be up and running again soon.