(no subject)
well shit...as much as i hate writing in here...im back again..
how do you tell someone that you love that your doing your best, even though they know that you are, they dont want to hear it cuz its taking too long and you look like your failing miserably...the shitiest part about it is that even though you both know that you are trying your best, it becomes something that you fight about constantly, and it gets to the point sometimes where you both feel that you dont want to go on, even though you know that in two hours you wont feel that way any more, for the time being you still feel that way...and for a breif moment you do give up, and in that time you almost feel like you've freed yourself, but that feeling only last for a second then its gone...the feeling that replaces it is one that is empty and alone, shakes you right down to your soul, and then your glad that you didn't give up...yet some part of you is still telling you that you should, because this person that you love is just, beating you down with words, and its tears you down, a little at a time, day after day...yet inside you know that its only their way of dealing with the fact that they know you cant do anything more about your situation, they know that there is nothing else that can be done, so you ignore that little voice saying quit, and you turn back to reality to face the tormenting words....
have you ever wanted something sooo bad that you could taste/smell/feel/hear it without actually having it...its the worst/greatest feeling in the world...the reason that i say that is because that feeling can go either way..it can either be the greatest thing or the worst thing that ever happens to you....it can be the greatest thing ever simply because it is something that you want so much, and if you get it, it is the greatest, most spectacular thing that has ever happened...or it can be the worst, becuase when you want something so bad, if it doesn't happen, or its taking longer then it should, it breaks you down, tears you to pieces, eats at you and threatens to devour you soul, your inner being...your everything...yet, knowing that it could be the very thing that would tear you apart you go at it with everything you've got, you try for it soooo hard that its makes everything else in life meaningless...im having a bit of a situation like that right now, but even a little bit worse...see, im stuck in the middle of the two, because on the one hand i got what i wanted, but in the other hand, its only a part of what i wanted...see, im in love so deep with a girl, and she loves me back, so i have everything i want...almost....although that would be enough for me, and hopefully for her, its still not all i want, see i cant come home every day right now and see her, i cant sleep next to her every night and wake up next to her every morning...i cant walk through my house and smell her, that smell thats so good you just know that whatever it came from is beautiful, i cant lay with her and watch movies on our own couch...all these things that i want to do with her i cannot do..see, im stuck living with a friend and she is stuck in a worse place then that...i hate the house that she lives in and i dont want her to be there anymore...but in order to get her out of that house i have to get my own apartment, and i cant do that because my fuck up of a boss, who tells me that he thinks of me as family, that i have been through thick and thin with....will not pay me...so i had to find a new job, take a pay cut of almost half and now if i cant get my money from him its going to be two more weeks before i can get a fucking apartment...and i think that if i have to wait that long ill probably end up loosing my fucking mind....and the new job that i got is at old country buffet, where as before i was working construction...and the shtity thing is that i hate working inside and i get hot easily, and im gonna be in the back, in the kitchen cooking goddamn food sweating my balls off every fucking day....yet im still not goin to make enough money to do what i need to do, even if im working full time, so i still have to try and find a second part time job, which means im gonna have to work at least 60 hours a week, which neither of us wants because that means that i wont hardly ever have fuckin days off so that we can do things together...but if that what it takes then thats what it takes...
and...
the friend that im staying with is really starting to get on my nerves, i mean, i love the guy but he's drivin me crazy, we were not meant to live together...ever....and i cant wait till the day that i get to move the fuck out of here....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fuckin shit fuck piss cock mother fucker dick fucking bitch....:sighs:...thats a little better...well fuckin a....i dont think i have typed this much in one sittin in fuckin forever and i can feel myself starting to get carpal tunnel so im gonna take a break and there will probably be more tomorrow...
peace the fuck out
how do you tell someone that you love that your doing your best, even though they know that you are, they dont want to hear it cuz its taking too long and you look like your failing miserably...the shitiest part about it is that even though you both know that you are trying your best, it becomes something that you fight about constantly, and it gets to the point sometimes where you both feel that you dont want to go on, even though you know that in two hours you wont feel that way any more, for the time being you still feel that way...and for a breif moment you do give up, and in that time you almost feel like you've freed yourself, but that feeling only last for a second then its gone...the feeling that replaces it is one that is empty and alone, shakes you right down to your soul, and then your glad that you didn't give up...yet some part of you is still telling you that you should, because this person that you love is just, beating you down with words, and its tears you down, a little at a time, day after day...yet inside you know that its only their way of dealing with the fact that they know you cant do anything more about your situation, they know that there is nothing else that can be done, so you ignore that little voice saying quit, and you turn back to reality to face the tormenting words....
have you ever wanted something sooo bad that you could taste/smell/feel/hear it without actually having it...its the worst/greatest feeling in the world...the reason that i say that is because that feeling can go either way..it can either be the greatest thing or the worst thing that ever happens to you....it can be the greatest thing ever simply because it is something that you want so much, and if you get it, it is the greatest, most spectacular thing that has ever happened...or it can be the worst, becuase when you want something so bad, if it doesn't happen, or its taking longer then it should, it breaks you down, tears you to pieces, eats at you and threatens to devour you soul, your inner being...your everything...yet, knowing that it could be the very thing that would tear you apart you go at it with everything you've got, you try for it soooo hard that its makes everything else in life meaningless...im having a bit of a situation like that right now, but even a little bit worse...see, im stuck in the middle of the two, because on the one hand i got what i wanted, but in the other hand, its only a part of what i wanted...see, im in love so deep with a girl, and she loves me back, so i have everything i want...almost....although that would be enough for me, and hopefully for her, its still not all i want, see i cant come home every day right now and see her, i cant sleep next to her every night and wake up next to her every morning...i cant walk through my house and smell her, that smell thats so good you just know that whatever it came from is beautiful, i cant lay with her and watch movies on our own couch...all these things that i want to do with her i cannot do..see, im stuck living with a friend and she is stuck in a worse place then that...i hate the house that she lives in and i dont want her to be there anymore...but in order to get her out of that house i have to get my own apartment, and i cant do that because my fuck up of a boss, who tells me that he thinks of me as family, that i have been through thick and thin with....will not pay me...so i had to find a new job, take a pay cut of almost half and now if i cant get my money from him its going to be two more weeks before i can get a fucking apartment...and i think that if i have to wait that long ill probably end up loosing my fucking mind....and the new job that i got is at old country buffet, where as before i was working construction...and the shtity thing is that i hate working inside and i get hot easily, and im gonna be in the back, in the kitchen cooking goddamn food sweating my balls off every fucking day....yet im still not goin to make enough money to do what i need to do, even if im working full time, so i still have to try and find a second part time job, which means im gonna have to work at least 60 hours a week, which neither of us wants because that means that i wont hardly ever have fuckin days off so that we can do things together...but if that what it takes then thats what it takes...
and...
the friend that im staying with is really starting to get on my nerves, i mean, i love the guy but he's drivin me crazy, we were not meant to live together...ever....and i cant wait till the day that i get to move the fuck out of here....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fuckin shit fuck piss cock mother fucker dick fucking bitch....:sighs:...thats a little better...well fuckin a....i dont think i have typed this much in one sittin in fuckin forever and i can feel myself starting to get carpal tunnel so im gonna take a break and there will probably be more tomorrow...
peace the fuck out