(no subject)
Saturday was so freakishly hot that I ended up filling up my dog's pool so that I could sit in the water. It doesn't get much more pathetic than sitting in a frickin' kiddie pool full of dog hair with a German Shepherd who is kind of annoyed that you're taking up all the room. The air was so hot that I didn't even need a towel to dry off. In the time it took to walk from the lawn to the porch where the towel was, I dried off enough that I didn't need it anymore.
Sunday was slightly better. Also, there were crickets outside and I love the sound of crickets. Today is supposed to be somewhat worse and tomorrow is supposed to be even worse than that, so that should be fun. I just have the pray that the air conditioning is functional, because if it isn't, we will have some problems.
I should be watching Game of Thrones. In fact, I would be watching Game of Thrones if not for a couple of important points. Firstly, they killed Sean Bean. I would watch the hell out of a fantasy epic that starred Sean Bean as a character who remained alive. As for fantasy epics where Sean Bean dies, well, I already saw that movie and it was called Lord of the Rings (well, the good one was) and I don't think we're getting any dead Sean Bean epics that are better than that one. Secondly, I have had a wolf throwback dog and if you have characters with wolves, I will spend the entire storyline caring about the wolves and not about the humans because I know from experience that wolves are way cooler than people. Also wolves are prettier than people. And less stinky. And okay, wolves want to lick your teeth which seems kind of gross but you get over it. And, finally, when I am in a depressive swing there are things I cannot handle. This time around, The Hobbit was too intense for my fragile psyche so you can figure that Game of Thrones was going to be way past the limits of my crazy.
Back when Game of Thrones first came out, people asked me what it was and if I was going to watch it. Apparently, I am some sort of geekery idiot savant. My response was that it's a fantasy soap opera mostly aimed at dudes that may or may not suffer from the Harry Potter problem. So, let's talk about the difference between an epic story and a soap opera.
Epic stories have a beginning and a middle and an ending. Lord of the Rings is a pretty good example of how that works. Star Wars is another. You often have a lot of characters that split into different groups with different plotlines, but in the end everything will converge into one overarching story that brings everything together and ties off the loose ends. Epics are finite stories. Even if we go through three different casts of characters because time is passing or people get killed off, the final destination is the same. When you finish the story, you should be able to go back to the first installments with a better understanding of how each of the characters is connected to the greater whole.
Soap operas, by contrast, don't have a beginning, middle and end. They are meant to keep on going. Plotlines don't have to be connected and often stuff simply happens for the sake of having something to do. In an epic, the plight of house elves should be connected to the greater whole and plays a role in the resolution of the final conflict. The characters who help them gain their allegiance in the final battle. Or it turns out that the people we thought of as the good guys were really the bad guys all along and there's a great big switch up of alliances before we get to the big denouement. In a soap opera, there's a story about the house elves that goes on for a while and introduces some new characters who may or may not be important once that plot is resolved and we move on to the time-traveling underground city of long lost twins. The soap opera doesn't have an official ending so the plot lines don't have a preset place to go. They just go along until they end and we move on to the next bunch of stuff that happens.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a soap opera. Soap operas are lots of fun. Soap operas can also do some things that an epic cannot because the writer doesn't have to connect all those dots. It allows for much more interesting diversions. If Game of Thrones is an epic, then Daenarys and her dragons should be heading towards a final fight for the throne. If she isn't, then her story is a waste of our time within the context of an epic. In a soap opera, we can follow Daenarys as she teleports to another planet with her dragons and invents Disneyland because we're following the character and although the audience wants to see her story concluded, they don't need it to be connected to whatever is going on with the main storyline. If this is an epic, then that alternate universe Disneyland story should have some bearing on that fight for the throne, like maybe Mickey Mouse uses the portal to show up and take over the throne for himself (and he'd totally win and I would watch the hell out of that show.)
Harry Potter began as an epic, then turned into a soap opera when the writer ran out of material. Characters started doing stuff to fill in page count and somehow get to the next book so we could finish this thing. The story could have concluded in Book Four if not for the promise of three more books of nothing. It could have ended again in Book Six, which was just an drawn out extension of Book Five so that we could get around to killing Dumbledore. Events were spaced out too far and the space was filled in with stuff that didn't matter. I keep harping on the House Elf thing because that should have been huge. The good guys are enslaving a bunch of people who are so downtrodden that they can't even accept that one of their own might want to be free, driving a freed elf to drink because of the pain and suffering of being ostracized. That is so huge and dark and it should be a major plot turning point but it just isn't. It's one more thing that happens. We never have to question whether the good guys are good. Who cares. And you can do that... in a soap opera. But not in an epic.
Game of Thrones is based on (yet another) seven books series of which only five (I think) have been written. Maybe all the characters are moving towards a grand climax to the story... but it could also be a bunch of meandering crap that happens so that dudes can get all excited over death and sex and torture just like soap operas need excuses to show us fancy clothes and half-dressed lawn guys who don't get any lines because dude, you are not here for your personality. I want to know which I am watching because I don't need another re-run of Harry Potter and me being pissed as hell over a tight story degenerating into four books of wasting my damn time. If I had known that this was going to be a soap opera where we look at magic and get characters hooked up with each other, I'd have approached it differently and been a lot let annoyed with it.
So, that's my quandary. Are the red weddings and incestuous siblings and strange magic all leading us to one spectacular finish where the ring gets dropped into the volcano and the rightful king rules Gondor, or are we going to spend four books wondering about a bunch of characters who will ultimately have no bearing on the final resolution, assuming a resolution even happens. I'd just like to know before I devote a zillion hours to recapping this thing while dreaming up a self-insert fanfic where I secretly elope with Ned Stark's previously unknown twin brother.
Sunday was slightly better. Also, there were crickets outside and I love the sound of crickets. Today is supposed to be somewhat worse and tomorrow is supposed to be even worse than that, so that should be fun. I just have the pray that the air conditioning is functional, because if it isn't, we will have some problems.
I should be watching Game of Thrones. In fact, I would be watching Game of Thrones if not for a couple of important points. Firstly, they killed Sean Bean. I would watch the hell out of a fantasy epic that starred Sean Bean as a character who remained alive. As for fantasy epics where Sean Bean dies, well, I already saw that movie and it was called Lord of the Rings (well, the good one was) and I don't think we're getting any dead Sean Bean epics that are better than that one. Secondly, I have had a wolf throwback dog and if you have characters with wolves, I will spend the entire storyline caring about the wolves and not about the humans because I know from experience that wolves are way cooler than people. Also wolves are prettier than people. And less stinky. And okay, wolves want to lick your teeth which seems kind of gross but you get over it. And, finally, when I am in a depressive swing there are things I cannot handle. This time around, The Hobbit was too intense for my fragile psyche so you can figure that Game of Thrones was going to be way past the limits of my crazy.
Back when Game of Thrones first came out, people asked me what it was and if I was going to watch it. Apparently, I am some sort of geekery idiot savant. My response was that it's a fantasy soap opera mostly aimed at dudes that may or may not suffer from the Harry Potter problem. So, let's talk about the difference between an epic story and a soap opera.
Epic stories have a beginning and a middle and an ending. Lord of the Rings is a pretty good example of how that works. Star Wars is another. You often have a lot of characters that split into different groups with different plotlines, but in the end everything will converge into one overarching story that brings everything together and ties off the loose ends. Epics are finite stories. Even if we go through three different casts of characters because time is passing or people get killed off, the final destination is the same. When you finish the story, you should be able to go back to the first installments with a better understanding of how each of the characters is connected to the greater whole.
Soap operas, by contrast, don't have a beginning, middle and end. They are meant to keep on going. Plotlines don't have to be connected and often stuff simply happens for the sake of having something to do. In an epic, the plight of house elves should be connected to the greater whole and plays a role in the resolution of the final conflict. The characters who help them gain their allegiance in the final battle. Or it turns out that the people we thought of as the good guys were really the bad guys all along and there's a great big switch up of alliances before we get to the big denouement. In a soap opera, there's a story about the house elves that goes on for a while and introduces some new characters who may or may not be important once that plot is resolved and we move on to the time-traveling underground city of long lost twins. The soap opera doesn't have an official ending so the plot lines don't have a preset place to go. They just go along until they end and we move on to the next bunch of stuff that happens.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a soap opera. Soap operas are lots of fun. Soap operas can also do some things that an epic cannot because the writer doesn't have to connect all those dots. It allows for much more interesting diversions. If Game of Thrones is an epic, then Daenarys and her dragons should be heading towards a final fight for the throne. If she isn't, then her story is a waste of our time within the context of an epic. In a soap opera, we can follow Daenarys as she teleports to another planet with her dragons and invents Disneyland because we're following the character and although the audience wants to see her story concluded, they don't need it to be connected to whatever is going on with the main storyline. If this is an epic, then that alternate universe Disneyland story should have some bearing on that fight for the throne, like maybe Mickey Mouse uses the portal to show up and take over the throne for himself (and he'd totally win and I would watch the hell out of that show.)
Harry Potter began as an epic, then turned into a soap opera when the writer ran out of material. Characters started doing stuff to fill in page count and somehow get to the next book so we could finish this thing. The story could have concluded in Book Four if not for the promise of three more books of nothing. It could have ended again in Book Six, which was just an drawn out extension of Book Five so that we could get around to killing Dumbledore. Events were spaced out too far and the space was filled in with stuff that didn't matter. I keep harping on the House Elf thing because that should have been huge. The good guys are enslaving a bunch of people who are so downtrodden that they can't even accept that one of their own might want to be free, driving a freed elf to drink because of the pain and suffering of being ostracized. That is so huge and dark and it should be a major plot turning point but it just isn't. It's one more thing that happens. We never have to question whether the good guys are good. Who cares. And you can do that... in a soap opera. But not in an epic.
Game of Thrones is based on (yet another) seven books series of which only five (I think) have been written. Maybe all the characters are moving towards a grand climax to the story... but it could also be a bunch of meandering crap that happens so that dudes can get all excited over death and sex and torture just like soap operas need excuses to show us fancy clothes and half-dressed lawn guys who don't get any lines because dude, you are not here for your personality. I want to know which I am watching because I don't need another re-run of Harry Potter and me being pissed as hell over a tight story degenerating into four books of wasting my damn time. If I had known that this was going to be a soap opera where we look at magic and get characters hooked up with each other, I'd have approached it differently and been a lot let annoyed with it.
So, that's my quandary. Are the red weddings and incestuous siblings and strange magic all leading us to one spectacular finish where the ring gets dropped into the volcano and the rightful king rules Gondor, or are we going to spend four books wondering about a bunch of characters who will ultimately have no bearing on the final resolution, assuming a resolution even happens. I'd just like to know before I devote a zillion hours to recapping this thing while dreaming up a self-insert fanfic where I secretly elope with Ned Stark's previously unknown twin brother.