Fifty Shades Dumber: Chapters 21-22 and Overall Thoughts
Had I been thinking ahead, I would have included these two chapters in the last installment, but I was just so pissed that I had to bitch a bit before slogging through that last little bit of silly.
Full disclosure- I am not well-versed in the names and functions of sex toys. I had to look up butt plugs on Wikipedia because the description didn't sound anything like what I thought they were. It turns out that what she describes does exist, along with quite a few other things that I didn't need to know about and am far too lazy to ever try. Still, that's neither here nor there because Christian says that the butt plugs that he purchased specifically for Ana (despite not having her consent to engage in that type of play, by the way) are just too hardcore for her. Ummm... wait, how big are these things? The book says that he has a bunch of different sizes. Why didn't he buy the extra-small if that's what he thought she needed? Hence, we have what another reviewer dubbed the "poopy finger." I feel bad about using such a negative phrase because if that's what you and your consenting partner are into, then the more power to you, I'm just saying that I would prefer some hand-washing before getting cuddly after fingers have been in certain places.
I think that brings us to the final chapter in which Christian announces to the world that he and Ana are engaged. For some reason, Mrs. Robinson is there and she flips right on out despite having told Ana earlier how great she is for Christian and seeming to support their epic love. Still, Ana hates other women, so they all need to be paired off or out of the picture, so Mrs. Robinson needs to do something that will end with her being shamed and removed from the picture. Ana's best friend, Kate, returns from her long vacation in far away from here and she is now paired off with Christian's brother Elliot. Our book ends with a random third person passage to let us know that the helicopter crash was totally engineered by Ana's former boss and he is out for revenge because Ana and Christian destroyed his life. I dunno, guys, it seems kinda justified to me.
Just a note- I hate when authors change from first to third person. It is my biggest fanfic pet peeve. It is LAZY WRITING at it's finest. Why come up with a clever way to share information when you can just switch to an omnipotent narrator? Problem solved. For those of you who write, if you do this I will stop reading immediately. If you want to use multiple points of view, you can. You just need to figure out a way to do it without cheating. Bring in journal entries or have things explained by another character or let the narrator divulge information they learned at a later time. "Little did I know that some character's suspicions were well founded. The helicopter accident had not been an accident at all. Someone out there was determined to see to it that our happiness was short-lived!" See what I did there? I told you everything you need to know for a cliffhanger ending, while keeping some mystery and holding back the psycho rant for a later confrontation.
After reading this installment, I have the impression that all three books in this series were written as one long fanfic. There are multiple references to Christian as "Master of the Universe" which I don't remember seeing in past installments. This book also feels like it may have been intended as the end of the story. This is also a frequent occurrence in fanfic. The story ends but the readers want to see more and the author decides to add further installments. At this point, Ana and Christian are getting married. All of the antagonists have been neutralized. The final third person tag feels like it was an afterthought. The Helicopter crash exists so that Ana can angst over Christian, followed by the realization that she is that in love with him... which she's already had at least ten times since book one, but she really means it this time.
So, what have we learned in this book? Well, we now know that Christian is only into Ana because she looks like his mom and he gets off on that. Christian has shifted from the over-valuation phase of the relationship to devaluation. His exes are all emotionally disturbed and Christian is unwilling to cut ties with them. He also likes to keep trophies of his relationships which he clearly states are intended for potential blackmail purposes should his lovers ever reveal his actions to anyone. He lacks moral boundaries and reacts with rage when Ana displeases him, forcing her to place blame on herself for upsetting him.
Look, I can totally understand a fantasy about the honeymoon phase of an unhealthy relationship, but this isn't the honeymoon phase. The more invested Ana becomes, the more Christian indulges his hair trigger temper. He even has his shrink (note- I am not calling this person a therapist or psychiatrist because doing so in an insult to trained professionals who try to help people) in on it, telling Ana that she can magically cure him if only she never ever tries to leave. This is not a fantasy. This is a nightmare.
But I'm sure that book three will fix everything... right?
Full disclosure- I am not well-versed in the names and functions of sex toys. I had to look up butt plugs on Wikipedia because the description didn't sound anything like what I thought they were. It turns out that what she describes does exist, along with quite a few other things that I didn't need to know about and am far too lazy to ever try. Still, that's neither here nor there because Christian says that the butt plugs that he purchased specifically for Ana (despite not having her consent to engage in that type of play, by the way) are just too hardcore for her. Ummm... wait, how big are these things? The book says that he has a bunch of different sizes. Why didn't he buy the extra-small if that's what he thought she needed? Hence, we have what another reviewer dubbed the "poopy finger." I feel bad about using such a negative phrase because if that's what you and your consenting partner are into, then the more power to you, I'm just saying that I would prefer some hand-washing before getting cuddly after fingers have been in certain places.
I think that brings us to the final chapter in which Christian announces to the world that he and Ana are engaged. For some reason, Mrs. Robinson is there and she flips right on out despite having told Ana earlier how great she is for Christian and seeming to support their epic love. Still, Ana hates other women, so they all need to be paired off or out of the picture, so Mrs. Robinson needs to do something that will end with her being shamed and removed from the picture. Ana's best friend, Kate, returns from her long vacation in far away from here and she is now paired off with Christian's brother Elliot. Our book ends with a random third person passage to let us know that the helicopter crash was totally engineered by Ana's former boss and he is out for revenge because Ana and Christian destroyed his life. I dunno, guys, it seems kinda justified to me.
Just a note- I hate when authors change from first to third person. It is my biggest fanfic pet peeve. It is LAZY WRITING at it's finest. Why come up with a clever way to share information when you can just switch to an omnipotent narrator? Problem solved. For those of you who write, if you do this I will stop reading immediately. If you want to use multiple points of view, you can. You just need to figure out a way to do it without cheating. Bring in journal entries or have things explained by another character or let the narrator divulge information they learned at a later time. "Little did I know that some character's suspicions were well founded. The helicopter accident had not been an accident at all. Someone out there was determined to see to it that our happiness was short-lived!" See what I did there? I told you everything you need to know for a cliffhanger ending, while keeping some mystery and holding back the psycho rant for a later confrontation.
After reading this installment, I have the impression that all three books in this series were written as one long fanfic. There are multiple references to Christian as "Master of the Universe" which I don't remember seeing in past installments. This book also feels like it may have been intended as the end of the story. This is also a frequent occurrence in fanfic. The story ends but the readers want to see more and the author decides to add further installments. At this point, Ana and Christian are getting married. All of the antagonists have been neutralized. The final third person tag feels like it was an afterthought. The Helicopter crash exists so that Ana can angst over Christian, followed by the realization that she is that in love with him... which she's already had at least ten times since book one, but she really means it this time.
So, what have we learned in this book? Well, we now know that Christian is only into Ana because she looks like his mom and he gets off on that. Christian has shifted from the over-valuation phase of the relationship to devaluation. His exes are all emotionally disturbed and Christian is unwilling to cut ties with them. He also likes to keep trophies of his relationships which he clearly states are intended for potential blackmail purposes should his lovers ever reveal his actions to anyone. He lacks moral boundaries and reacts with rage when Ana displeases him, forcing her to place blame on herself for upsetting him.
Look, I can totally understand a fantasy about the honeymoon phase of an unhealthy relationship, but this isn't the honeymoon phase. The more invested Ana becomes, the more Christian indulges his hair trigger temper. He even has his shrink (note- I am not calling this person a therapist or psychiatrist because doing so in an insult to trained professionals who try to help people) in on it, telling Ana that she can magically cure him if only she never ever tries to leave. This is not a fantasy. This is a nightmare.
But I'm sure that book three will fix everything... right?