A monkey took up residence in my anus the other day...
I've decided that it's just not enough to tweak out my car (nonexistant), but, alas, if I'm to TRULY live it up, 1970s-pimp style, I have no option but to CHROME OUT MY HOUSE. THAT'S RIGHT. I'm gonna fucking get HYDRAULICS FOR MY BED...though that could actually make for some...*ahem*..."interesting encounters." OH YES, BIOTCH. I WILL TINT EVERY FUCKING WINDOW ON MY HOUSE AND GET A GIANT SIGN THAT SAYS: "KEWLHAUS" AND STICK IT IN MY FRONT YARD.
If you've never kicked rotting fruit, let me say that you are missing out. Bigtime.
I hate when you're laying down, all comfortable in your bed, and your nuts get all tangled up, but you're too lazy to do anything about it, so you just kinda lay there on your stomach in a half-stupor, really pissed off.
I am currently using my laptop to write this, as I am at home, and left my computer at school. My laptop thinks that it is the third of January, in the year of our Lord NINETEEN FUCKIN' SEVENTY. And am I gonna change my clock? FUCK NO.
Three words: Babies in catapults.
I WALKED INTO MY ROOM TUESDAY EVENING TO DISCOVER A VERY LARGE, ANGRY TEDDY BEAR SAVAGELY HUMPING MY BEANBAG. I JOINED HIM SHORTLY THEREAFTER.
I've taken to eating gravel to see if I can give myself a deeper voice. Mmmm...gravel.
Dontcha hate it when you wake up, and you think you're blind because your eyes have become gummed shut over the course of the night with that crusty shit that you've gotta wash off your face every morning? No? Maybe I'm alone on this one... o.0
Over the course of your reading this post, I've taken your distraction as an opportunity to steal your soul, eat your baby, kick your dog (or was that mine?), strip the bark off the trees around your house, transplant your entire garden into your basement, piss in EVERY single dish in your refrigerator, empty your liquor cabinet, pluck one wing off your pet parrot and watch it fly in circles while squawking "Why's all MY ARM GONE?," back up sewage into your bathtub, reformat your hard drive (yes...on the computer YOU ARE USING NOW! BITCH!), replace your Game Cube controller with a fiesty jalapeno pepper, hire a slutty French maid for you who you'll have sex with only to discover "she's" your elementary school principal Mister Finn, H4xxor j00r e/\/\u, and call in a nuclear strike on your house.
Congrats, you've been fucked by Alex Enterprises! We at Alex Enterprises thank you for your blind obedience and conformity to our world-dominating propaganda! We'd tell you not to worry, but that would assume that you're going to be okay! *insert cheesy grin, accompanied by cinemagic "ding" here!*
God I'm gonna make one KICK-ASS CEO.
If you've never kicked rotting fruit, let me say that you are missing out. Bigtime.
I hate when you're laying down, all comfortable in your bed, and your nuts get all tangled up, but you're too lazy to do anything about it, so you just kinda lay there on your stomach in a half-stupor, really pissed off.
I am currently using my laptop to write this, as I am at home, and left my computer at school. My laptop thinks that it is the third of January, in the year of our Lord NINETEEN FUCKIN' SEVENTY. And am I gonna change my clock? FUCK NO.
Three words: Babies in catapults.
I WALKED INTO MY ROOM TUESDAY EVENING TO DISCOVER A VERY LARGE, ANGRY TEDDY BEAR SAVAGELY HUMPING MY BEANBAG. I JOINED HIM SHORTLY THEREAFTER.
I've taken to eating gravel to see if I can give myself a deeper voice. Mmmm...gravel.
Dontcha hate it when you wake up, and you think you're blind because your eyes have become gummed shut over the course of the night with that crusty shit that you've gotta wash off your face every morning? No? Maybe I'm alone on this one... o.0
Over the course of your reading this post, I've taken your distraction as an opportunity to steal your soul, eat your baby, kick your dog (or was that mine?), strip the bark off the trees around your house, transplant your entire garden into your basement, piss in EVERY single dish in your refrigerator, empty your liquor cabinet, pluck one wing off your pet parrot and watch it fly in circles while squawking "Why's all MY ARM GONE?," back up sewage into your bathtub, reformat your hard drive (yes...on the computer YOU ARE USING NOW! BITCH!), replace your Game Cube controller with a fiesty jalapeno pepper, hire a slutty French maid for you who you'll have sex with only to discover "she's" your elementary school principal Mister Finn, H4xxor j00r e/\/\u, and call in a nuclear strike on your house.
Congrats, you've been fucked by Alex Enterprises! We at Alex Enterprises thank you for your blind obedience and conformity to our world-dominating propaganda! We'd tell you not to worry, but that would assume that you're going to be okay! *insert cheesy grin, accompanied by cinemagic "ding" here!*
God I'm gonna make one KICK-ASS CEO.