(no subject)
My asian/american heritage is by no means something I need to get over...seeing how it will be with me for the rest of my life, but there will come a day when I will no longer feel insecure about it. *sighs* Salt lake city is such a wonderful place, beautiful climate, great fabulous friends, cost of living is great, my neighborhood is great, my house is great, life is great okay? But dam, where are all the minorities? The whole asian/american thing has definately been very confusing and complicated in my life. I felt ripped off growing up, angry at the media for only type casting asian/american males in movies, never putting them on runways, or fashion magazines, or in abercrombie......not too much has changed but little by little asian males are getting some sort of attention. I dunno though, if the media suddenly had an asian male explosion surrounding sex appeal would I somehow get a date? Ha! Who can say really? I truly believe though that gay men in this community are attracted to this cookie cutter, all american, abercrombie wearing, twinkie boi. And that's fine and everything but there must be other guys out there who aren't so cliche in their attractions.
I trip sometimes........I don't think I'm a bad looking guy at all, I've got a nice physique, a great smile, a warm heart, but when I look at my friends and oh how good looking they all are they seem to be always getting some action and not me. It's sort of well embarassing. Is it the asian thing or am I just really not that attractive? I log onto gay.com and man that place is a blackhole of insecurity. I don't know about anyone else but for me if I wasn't in a mood of dissapointment with out community and a sense of hopelessness before I will feel it shortly after I exit gay.com.
*sighs* I tell you LJ these problems for my friends don't want to hear this from me...they want me to be sparkling witty, ooberly entertaining, and full of laughter, I am this but I am so much more. I wish that if I did bring this up with my closest friends that I somehow could get an honest reaction. But I can't. Even if my friends didn't think I was very attractive they would never tell me...so what do I just my attraction level on then? How many guys are after me? How many windows of chat are open? I wonder if I used scotty or jareds login I would be curious to know how many guys pvt them, how many guys respond to my pvts. Yes basket of insecurity, but unnknowing is ruff....
I trip sometimes........I don't think I'm a bad looking guy at all, I've got a nice physique, a great smile, a warm heart, but when I look at my friends and oh how good looking they all are they seem to be always getting some action and not me. It's sort of well embarassing. Is it the asian thing or am I just really not that attractive? I log onto gay.com and man that place is a blackhole of insecurity. I don't know about anyone else but for me if I wasn't in a mood of dissapointment with out community and a sense of hopelessness before I will feel it shortly after I exit gay.com.
*sighs* I tell you LJ these problems for my friends don't want to hear this from me...they want me to be sparkling witty, ooberly entertaining, and full of laughter, I am this but I am so much more. I wish that if I did bring this up with my closest friends that I somehow could get an honest reaction. But I can't. Even if my friends didn't think I was very attractive they would never tell me...so what do I just my attraction level on then? How many guys are after me? How many windows of chat are open? I wonder if I used scotty or jareds login I would be curious to know how many guys pvt them, how many guys respond to my pvts. Yes basket of insecurity, but unnknowing is ruff....