Yet another rant from me, because I can't afford a shrink.
It's been a while, and things have backed up on me again. My sister and parents still expect me to spend every moment of my free time watching her kids. They forget to tell me when they schedule stuff, and then yell at me when I decide that I want to spend a little time at my friend's house. That's the first thing.
A couple of friends of mine are heading out of the country on vacation, and there was already problems with the airline and luggage and whatnot. Neither one live near me, so most communication takes place through IM's and the occasional phone call. The first one texts me in a panic and asks me to search for stuff for her and then make some phone calls. I find out everything about the flight and arrival times and then pass on the info. The second one's plane lands, and it's the last I hear from the one who's been texting me all night, because I'm no longer useful and she has what she needs. Or at least that's what it feels like.
My job is in jeopardy, since my company is in the middle of a merger with another company. They informed us, if we want to keep our senority with the company, we need to go to the other company to apply and get our names on the list they're forming. The other company won our usual contract with the school district, and if the merger fails, then I won't have a job with my current company. So I need to do all that, but there's a catch. I can apply, but i can't be hired or trained until after this school year ends. I have to have all my info to the new company by May 1st, or I'm treading water. I can't actually be hired until the end of June. If they try to train me before that, I'll lose my current job. How's that for a messed up situation?
I'm still single, can't even go looking for companionship because I can't leave the damn house without permission. Because my sister screwed up her marriage and is now living with us and her three kids, I'm not allowed to go out to try and find a husband or someone else that I could share an apartment with. I'm stuck in Limbo until she gets her life together. How is this fair?
Because of all the stuff I mentioned, I'm stuck in a perpetually depressed state, and only one person understands that: My best friend Teri, who would take me in if I'd let her. She has been the rock in my life for the last 7 years and I doubt I'd still be alive if it wasn't for her steadiness and support. Thank you thank you thank you. She listens to me and offers good advice, and can't understand why my parents and family don't realize that I'm not being a bitch. I just can't cope with everything that is going on. She also doesn't understand why I'm still friends with another individual who can't tell through IM's that I'm feeling abused without telling me I'm having a "pity party" whenever I manage to express that I'm upset about something.
I can't have people mad at me, and I can't seem to get out of the mindset that I need to be useful and important to everyone. When I have something that's important to me, I need that to be acknowledged without having everyone shit on it. I'm not going to change who I am to please everyone, because it can't happen. I'm tired of being alone, feeling alone, worrying about stuff alone, and then getting accused of being selfish or "emo".
I don't know what to do, and if things keep getting worse, not even Teri is going to be able to save me.
A couple of friends of mine are heading out of the country on vacation, and there was already problems with the airline and luggage and whatnot. Neither one live near me, so most communication takes place through IM's and the occasional phone call. The first one texts me in a panic and asks me to search for stuff for her and then make some phone calls. I find out everything about the flight and arrival times and then pass on the info. The second one's plane lands, and it's the last I hear from the one who's been texting me all night, because I'm no longer useful and she has what she needs. Or at least that's what it feels like.
My job is in jeopardy, since my company is in the middle of a merger with another company. They informed us, if we want to keep our senority with the company, we need to go to the other company to apply and get our names on the list they're forming. The other company won our usual contract with the school district, and if the merger fails, then I won't have a job with my current company. So I need to do all that, but there's a catch. I can apply, but i can't be hired or trained until after this school year ends. I have to have all my info to the new company by May 1st, or I'm treading water. I can't actually be hired until the end of June. If they try to train me before that, I'll lose my current job. How's that for a messed up situation?
I'm still single, can't even go looking for companionship because I can't leave the damn house without permission. Because my sister screwed up her marriage and is now living with us and her three kids, I'm not allowed to go out to try and find a husband or someone else that I could share an apartment with. I'm stuck in Limbo until she gets her life together. How is this fair?
Because of all the stuff I mentioned, I'm stuck in a perpetually depressed state, and only one person understands that: My best friend Teri, who would take me in if I'd let her. She has been the rock in my life for the last 7 years and I doubt I'd still be alive if it wasn't for her steadiness and support. Thank you thank you thank you. She listens to me and offers good advice, and can't understand why my parents and family don't realize that I'm not being a bitch. I just can't cope with everything that is going on. She also doesn't understand why I'm still friends with another individual who can't tell through IM's that I'm feeling abused without telling me I'm having a "pity party" whenever I manage to express that I'm upset about something.
I can't have people mad at me, and I can't seem to get out of the mindset that I need to be useful and important to everyone. When I have something that's important to me, I need that to be acknowledged without having everyone shit on it. I'm not going to change who I am to please everyone, because it can't happen. I'm tired of being alone, feeling alone, worrying about stuff alone, and then getting accused of being selfish or "emo".
I don't know what to do, and if things keep getting worse, not even Teri is going to be able to save me.