Blunt force honesty
TW: commentary about rape and rape culture.
Secondary warning: Blunt force honesty ahead.
Laurie Penny wrote this incredible and Important article about the Steubenville rape case. The majority of news outlets are passing around the information like a phrase being passed around in the game Telephone.
And like the game Telephone, the phrase changes drastically every time it's passed on. So instead of people rising up to help bolster and support the 16 year old Jane Doe, people are condemning her.
Given that I spent most of my growing-up years in a town where there was a love for a particular sport--in my case it was basketball, not american football--I can understand the mentality that people have toward the players on the team. That they can do no wrong. That they are 'shining and exemplary students'. The players are placed on pedestals by the community and their families and they will ride on that far beyond the day they graduate from high school. (If any of the basketball players do anything illegal, the response would depend on who caught who and what authority figure was involved. Juneau is a small town; everyone knows everyone and if you're not one of the ones with money or status, you're typically ignored)
There was a pattern I noticed. If a girl/woman was raped and they were residing in another city, or another state, there was a collective sense of "that poor girl/woman" that would fall over my classmates for about an hour. If it was someone IN TOWN, someone that they knew or knew of, the victim was no longer a victim in their minds and instead became viewed as a strange sort of prostitute.
Being the subject of the rumor of rape wasn't any easier either. When my sophmore year started, a rumor cropped up that I had been raped by the guy I'd been dating up until right before the start of school that fall.
Whether or not the rumor ever reached his ears, I don't know. But it certainly reached mine. And people treated me like I was less useful than the dirt on the side of the road. There was a sick version of pity that was applied by the very classmates who had sworn only months earlier that they would "never let something like that happen to a classmate". It was a joke to them, something they could throw at me and then laugh at my responding dark expression. I had not been raped, but that didn't matter to my classmates. All that mattered to them was a laugh at my expense.
Rape is not a joke. Rape is not funny.
"Kids can be so cruel" is the phrase that I keep hearing in regards to how Jane Doe is being treated. I think that that particular phrase needs to be changed to reflect the full truth. People are cruel. Societal perception is skewed in such a way that the victim is the one to blame. You were sexually assaulted? Then you shouldn't have worn that shirt/dress/etc. You were raped by a couple of guys while you were unable to fight back? Then you shouldn't have smiled at them half an hour before that.
It's the same mentality toward other events as well. Your house was robbed while you were out of town on a business trip? Then you should have had someone there to watch your things. Your car was totaled while it was parked in a proper parking area? Then you should have parked somewhere else.
People are cruel.
And in all of this, the boys who committed the crime are being hailed as tragic heroes. Pardon me while I spit at the mention of their names and the word 'heroes' being used in the same sentence.
Those boys are NOT HEROES. They are perpetrators. They committed a crime, knowingly, and tried to justify it under the guise of "boys will be boys" and "it's all in good fun". They are villains. They acted and now must face the consequences of their decision.
Real heroes stand up in the midst of chaos and help others to their feet. Real heroes fight against evil with every last breath. Real heroes inspire those around them to be better and treat others better. Real heroes are the ones who break up the fight in the school yard. Real heroes are the ones who put themselves in the line of fire to protect those who can't. Real heroes are the ones that keep going no matter the odds against them. And there are plenty of heroes who don't wear tights and or a cape.
For Jane Doe, whose real name I do not yet know, I have this to say:
You are not alone. You are never alone. I know that it hurts like nothing else you've experienced, but I am here for you. Even if the only thing I can do is send digital hugs and offer my shoulder as one you can cry on. We can both agree that the alcohol was a bad idea, but that's not the point of this. The point is that there are a lot of us who've been through hell that are here for you. Winston Churchill once said that "If you're going through hell, keep going". I know you feel like you're in hell right now. But if you can keep going, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, I promise that you'll find a way through it. Don't be afraid to seek out those of us who stand with you, for if you ask us, we will do what we can to be there for you and with you.
Rape culture has become ingrained in our society. It's a sort of cancer, one that has metastasized greatly. We let it persist on and on by not doing anything about it. We let it get worse every time we berate the victim. We as a society are killing each other slowly but surely by the ones who stay quietly at home and don't make waves, being controlled by a fear. Destroying everything for the illusion of safety in a world that isn't. It's apparently okay to condemn victims. It's disgusting. Even more disgusting is the fact that we, as a society and as people, are encouraged to sweep our wrong-doings under a rug and ignore that they ever happened so as to maintain a distortion and a lie.
And I for one am tired of that.
[addendum: I know I'm just a female and that I have a vagina, but even so, I've still got more balls than those boys could ever dream of having. /addendum]
Secondary warning: Blunt force honesty ahead.
Laurie Penny wrote this incredible and Important article about the Steubenville rape case. The majority of news outlets are passing around the information like a phrase being passed around in the game Telephone.
And like the game Telephone, the phrase changes drastically every time it's passed on. So instead of people rising up to help bolster and support the 16 year old Jane Doe, people are condemning her.
Given that I spent most of my growing-up years in a town where there was a love for a particular sport--in my case it was basketball, not american football--I can understand the mentality that people have toward the players on the team. That they can do no wrong. That they are 'shining and exemplary students'. The players are placed on pedestals by the community and their families and they will ride on that far beyond the day they graduate from high school. (If any of the basketball players do anything illegal, the response would depend on who caught who and what authority figure was involved. Juneau is a small town; everyone knows everyone and if you're not one of the ones with money or status, you're typically ignored)
There was a pattern I noticed. If a girl/woman was raped and they were residing in another city, or another state, there was a collective sense of "that poor girl/woman" that would fall over my classmates for about an hour. If it was someone IN TOWN, someone that they knew or knew of, the victim was no longer a victim in their minds and instead became viewed as a strange sort of prostitute.
Being the subject of the rumor of rape wasn't any easier either. When my sophmore year started, a rumor cropped up that I had been raped by the guy I'd been dating up until right before the start of school that fall.
Whether or not the rumor ever reached his ears, I don't know. But it certainly reached mine. And people treated me like I was less useful than the dirt on the side of the road. There was a sick version of pity that was applied by the very classmates who had sworn only months earlier that they would "never let something like that happen to a classmate". It was a joke to them, something they could throw at me and then laugh at my responding dark expression. I had not been raped, but that didn't matter to my classmates. All that mattered to them was a laugh at my expense.
Rape is not a joke. Rape is not funny.
"Kids can be so cruel" is the phrase that I keep hearing in regards to how Jane Doe is being treated. I think that that particular phrase needs to be changed to reflect the full truth. People are cruel. Societal perception is skewed in such a way that the victim is the one to blame. You were sexually assaulted? Then you shouldn't have worn that shirt/dress/etc. You were raped by a couple of guys while you were unable to fight back? Then you shouldn't have smiled at them half an hour before that.
It's the same mentality toward other events as well. Your house was robbed while you were out of town on a business trip? Then you should have had someone there to watch your things. Your car was totaled while it was parked in a proper parking area? Then you should have parked somewhere else.
People are cruel.
And in all of this, the boys who committed the crime are being hailed as tragic heroes. Pardon me while I spit at the mention of their names and the word 'heroes' being used in the same sentence.
Those boys are NOT HEROES. They are perpetrators. They committed a crime, knowingly, and tried to justify it under the guise of "boys will be boys" and "it's all in good fun". They are villains. They acted and now must face the consequences of their decision.
Real heroes stand up in the midst of chaos and help others to their feet. Real heroes fight against evil with every last breath. Real heroes inspire those around them to be better and treat others better. Real heroes are the ones who break up the fight in the school yard. Real heroes are the ones who put themselves in the line of fire to protect those who can't. Real heroes are the ones that keep going no matter the odds against them. And there are plenty of heroes who don't wear tights and or a cape.
For Jane Doe, whose real name I do not yet know, I have this to say:
You are not alone. You are never alone. I know that it hurts like nothing else you've experienced, but I am here for you. Even if the only thing I can do is send digital hugs and offer my shoulder as one you can cry on. We can both agree that the alcohol was a bad idea, but that's not the point of this. The point is that there are a lot of us who've been through hell that are here for you. Winston Churchill once said that "If you're going through hell, keep going". I know you feel like you're in hell right now. But if you can keep going, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, I promise that you'll find a way through it. Don't be afraid to seek out those of us who stand with you, for if you ask us, we will do what we can to be there for you and with you.
Rape culture has become ingrained in our society. It's a sort of cancer, one that has metastasized greatly. We let it persist on and on by not doing anything about it. We let it get worse every time we berate the victim. We as a society are killing each other slowly but surely by the ones who stay quietly at home and don't make waves, being controlled by a fear. Destroying everything for the illusion of safety in a world that isn't. It's apparently okay to condemn victims. It's disgusting. Even more disgusting is the fact that we, as a society and as people, are encouraged to sweep our wrong-doings under a rug and ignore that they ever happened so as to maintain a distortion and a lie.
And I for one am tired of that.
[addendum: I know I'm just a female and that I have a vagina, but even so, I've still got more balls than those boys could ever dream of having. /addendum]