Realizations
It's occurred to me that, in the midst of this sudden medical [emergency] situation, I'm not exactly scared.
Sure it was a slap to the face that I needed to be held overnight--which only proves how incompetent/lazy/lame/take-your-pick-of-insults the sad excuse for medical staff were when I had the clot in 2007--but intellectually I knew it was a necessary deal. Too many what-if's go along with blood clots. Much as I had really just wanted to go home and crawl into my half of the bed, I knew deep down that I was going to have to stay in the hospital because Death Is Not An Option.
But even after the shock wore off, I was more annoyed and worried about money (I know, of all things, how silly) and just wanted to go home because at least at home I could get some real sleep. But I wasn't terribly afraid.
After talking with a few friends on the matter, it dawned on me that I'm more likely to be afraid when I have to follow up with the Oncologist. As Bunny M pointed out, Oncologist is not a word one wants in the same sentence that is referencing their person. However, most Oncologists are also Hematologists, because more often than not, they end up needing to work together. Better that a doctor specialize in both than only one. Hence why I have to follow up with one. He ordered a series of blood panels with the intent of checking for everything from infectious disease to cancer to genetic inheritance. He's also ordering a mammogram.
So I'll be afraid of those results more than anything else. I'll be walking into the office with the mindset of "expect the worst, hope for the best". And in the meantime, I'm just trying to stave off boredom and find all the upsides.
Keep calm and carry on, as the poster says. (Or, for gamers, keep calm and respawn--I would really like to have that shirt...)
Sure it was a slap to the face that I needed to be held overnight--which only proves how incompetent/lazy/lame/take-your-pick-of-insults the sad excuse for medical staff were when I had the clot in 2007--but intellectually I knew it was a necessary deal. Too many what-if's go along with blood clots. Much as I had really just wanted to go home and crawl into my half of the bed, I knew deep down that I was going to have to stay in the hospital because Death Is Not An Option.
But even after the shock wore off, I was more annoyed and worried about money (I know, of all things, how silly) and just wanted to go home because at least at home I could get some real sleep. But I wasn't terribly afraid.
After talking with a few friends on the matter, it dawned on me that I'm more likely to be afraid when I have to follow up with the Oncologist. As Bunny M pointed out, Oncologist is not a word one wants in the same sentence that is referencing their person. However, most Oncologists are also Hematologists, because more often than not, they end up needing to work together. Better that a doctor specialize in both than only one. Hence why I have to follow up with one. He ordered a series of blood panels with the intent of checking for everything from infectious disease to cancer to genetic inheritance. He's also ordering a mammogram.
So I'll be afraid of those results more than anything else. I'll be walking into the office with the mindset of "expect the worst, hope for the best". And in the meantime, I'm just trying to stave off boredom and find all the upsides.
Keep calm and carry on, as the poster says. (Or, for gamers, keep calm and respawn--I would really like to have that shirt...)