Missing You
Felt weird to post these thoughts on Facebook, where so many more people see, but wrong to share anywhere else, where we had so many conversations.
We used to chat several times a week. You would gush about your beautiful family and share gorgeous and carefully framed pictures of the flowers and birds that I never seemed to have time to stop for. You helped me with my fics... constantly it felt like. An unseen presence behind my writing reminding me to be kind to my characters. To allow them occasional fluff and wicked glances.
A few months after I posted a chapter, I found out we lost you. I couldn't look at my writing after that, or facebook Not for months. Everytime I did, it just... hurt. When it stopped hurting, the words wouldn't come.
I finally picked it up again this week. A year and a half later. I didn't get far--maybe 500 words. A bit rusty from avoidance, I'm afraid. Then today, the first day of the new year, the new decade, I saw a gorgeous winter rose in my neighbour's garden.
I stopped and took a moment for it, and I thought of you. I hope you are enjoying the flowers I know are blooming for you. I hope you take long walks, pick fresh apples, and sing to yourself. I hope you have an endless supply of fun lipsticks, hats and shoes to play with, and I hope you laugh while you watch your beloved family and friends. I hope you know you brought joy to everything you touched.
So. Didn't want my thoughts to be private, like I'm ashamed, but it doesn't feel right posting it directly on your Facebook wall either.
And yes, I promise, I'll stop being a coward and get that thing checked out. Blessed New Year, my friend.
We used to chat several times a week. You would gush about your beautiful family and share gorgeous and carefully framed pictures of the flowers and birds that I never seemed to have time to stop for. You helped me with my fics... constantly it felt like. An unseen presence behind my writing reminding me to be kind to my characters. To allow them occasional fluff and wicked glances.
A few months after I posted a chapter, I found out we lost you. I couldn't look at my writing after that, or facebook Not for months. Everytime I did, it just... hurt. When it stopped hurting, the words wouldn't come.
I finally picked it up again this week. A year and a half later. I didn't get far--maybe 500 words. A bit rusty from avoidance, I'm afraid. Then today, the first day of the new year, the new decade, I saw a gorgeous winter rose in my neighbour's garden.
I stopped and took a moment for it, and I thought of you. I hope you are enjoying the flowers I know are blooming for you. I hope you take long walks, pick fresh apples, and sing to yourself. I hope you have an endless supply of fun lipsticks, hats and shoes to play with, and I hope you laugh while you watch your beloved family and friends. I hope you know you brought joy to everything you touched.
So. Didn't want my thoughts to be private, like I'm ashamed, but it doesn't feel right posting it directly on your Facebook wall either.
And yes, I promise, I'll stop being a coward and get that thing checked out. Blessed New Year, my friend.