Happily Ever After the Fact II: The Time-Honoured Traditions of Bribery, Smuggling and Blackmail

[tychesong]

December, 2009


Minister Behrends was long, thin man with sideburns nearly to his chin and a thick stripe of silver at his left temple. The look he directed at Hermione was slightly awed, and Hermione amused herself for several moments wondering if it was because of who she was or because of the donation size she was dangling in front of him.

"Miss Granger...Hermione...may I call you Hermione?"

Hermione smiled sweetly. "By all means, Minister. After all, we are speaking of a great deal of money. It seems strange to insist on formalities, after all."

"Indeed. Indeed." He swallowed. "Of course, you must call me Terrence."

Hermione nodded dutifully, friendly smile still plastered on her face, and murmured, "Of course."

"I've always been careful-very careful-to run a clean ministry." He shook a finger at the ceiling in emphasis. "Whilst donations are always appreciated, I must make it clear that those who donate to the fine cause of keeping our government in order do not have their politics prioritised. I realize you have always been outspoken regarding various laws, particularly those regarding magical creatures-"

"I'm not looking to influence laws now or in the future, you'll be pleased to know." Hermione assured him, then added casually, "I merely wish to be certain it is acknowledged that I am medically exempt from the latest law that has been passed through administration."

Terrence Behrends went pale and shifted in his seat. "If your healer has already notated the condition, of course, by our exemption standards...your medical file couldn't be altered...they are magically kept. That is, I mean to say, you are aware that I cannot make exceptions to our laws. The entirety of the British Wizarding population is being held to this law, including myself. Of course I am more than happy to accommodate an actual pre-existing medical condition...?" His voice lifted hopefully, and his hands lifted as if in supplication.

Hermione's pursed her lips disapprovingly, and the Minister's face fell as his hopes were dashed with that look. Hermione answered tightly, "The Wizarding world has always struck me as very traditional. Taking a very sizable donation that could do a tremendous amount of good for the public has long been an acceptable reason to offer things like tax exemptions or other small acknowledgements and perks that do not in any way hurt the public. One could even think of it as a fine in advance, if one were so inclined. The only difference is everyone wins, and no one has any bad press."

Behrends appeared a bit sick. "Your donation is of course very generous-"

"My proposed donation, Minister." Hermione corrected him. She was pleased to see him look even more unwell, and he actually wrung his hands. For a moment she almost felt sorry for him-he had been doing a good job since he had taken the position. Hermione had always been openly supportive of his administration and he had most likely not expected to receive such a blatant bribe from her.

"Ah, yes. Your proposed donation is very generous, but I cannot simply make exemptions based on funds-your generation and year level is the very one that the law would like to target in particular, and I have never accepted these sort of donations before." He looked at her seriously, his gaze just a bit pleading.

"It's always been my pride, my platform, that donation 'perks' like you are suggesting don't happen. Surely you understand..." The minister stood and took a deep breath, then started again. "As I mentioned, not even I am exempt from this law." He licked his lips and said tentatively, "Perhaps another arrangement could be made? I would very much like your support, and as I'm sure you are aware, the marriages are not monitored..."

Hermione gave him a dangerous look. "I would like to make it clear, Minister, this donation entirely depends upon the contents of my medical file and how they pertain to this new so-called 'Marriage Law.' As does my goodwill toward your administration. I have long been a supporter of it and you.

"I am not a supporter of this law, and I, like so many others of 'my generation and year' as you put it, will not hesitate to be very vocal in my belief in your incompetence as Minister. It is my generation that took down Voldemort, and we did it as adolescents. Do you really think your political career can withstand us as adults? I would honestly hate to do that. You have been a fine minister so far, but I cannot support a government that thinks nothing of forcing their will on the private lives of the people in this way."

Behrends actually removed a handkerchief and mopped his brow. "Miss Granger...are you...are you threatening me? Am I going to need to summon an Auror?"

Hermione gave him a bland look. "No. I am not threatening you. Just informing you of the conditions of my proposed donation, and reminding you of just whose rights you are taking away... much as Voldemort tried to do."

"I believe it is best, Miss Granger, that you leave now." The minister straightened as he said it, seeming to draw on his resolve. His voice didn't waver, but he did still look a little pale. The awe was long gone, which was a bit of a pity.

"As you say," Hermione answered, and then smiled coldly. "I'm offering your government a great deal of money in return for a very small exemption for an upstanding citizen. Furthermore, granting me this would hurt absolutely no one. I know you are a busy man, with an extremely unhappy constituency right now. I will give you forty-eight hours to come to a rational decision. Good day."

Hermione picked up her handbag more calmly than she felt, and exited the minister's office with what felt like rocks in her stomach. She had been so certain he would be eager to accept her deal. It really was a substantial amount of money. She hadn't counted on the minister being quite possibly the one principled politician in the history of the world.

As surprising as it was, it seemed there was a very good chance she might actually need the small stash of sighing hibiscus she had started to secret away in her pantry at home. She had bought small amounts from several different apothecaries in various towns. And she was apparently not the only one; most of the apothecaries she had visited had already been entirely sold out of ready-made contraceptives, and low on most of the components needed to home brew. Whilst most of the herbs would likely be replenished, the sighing hibiscus would not be, and Hermione had snatched up what she could, confident that the small amounts left would fit Percy's conservative requirements. Though she had already done it several times, Hermione ran through her stash mentally again, calculating how many doses she would be able to brew with what she had. As before, she came to the same conclusion: eight months.

Hermione entered her work building, heading toward her lab on the second floor without registering anything around her. She wasn't especially social, and currently didn't have a boyfriend or a lover, but she did enjoy sex enough that being abstinent for however long the law was in effect was not something she was willing to commit to just yet. She could, she supposed, count days and only indulge when the chances of pregnancy were low, but that method was never a guarantee. What she needed was someone in an official capacity to exempt her, and be willing to approve her medical status for a contraceptive prescription.

Hermione sat down at her desk with a frustrated sigh, and rubbed her eyes. "I suppose I could try the barrier method, like a Muggle," she muttered.

"You would probably have to date a Muggle for that. I doubt most wizards would know what a condom is, and would find the idea barbaric."

Severus' voice came from above her on the wall, and Hermione lifted her head to give the portrait a shrewd look. "I could go on hormone pills, or get the shot-Depo-Provera."

The portrait shook his head. "The effectiveness is severely hampered in witches-perhaps as low as only seventy to eighty percent."

Hermione blinked, startled. "How would you know that?"

Severus' face went expressionless-a clear sign of discomfort-and he explained, "My mother was on a Muggle oral contraceptive when she became pregnant with me. My father accused her of not taking them and 'ruining his life' on purpose. It was something he always resented her for, and they fought about it often. I made a point of looking up any studies done on the issue when I was older, and found that only a couple have been done, but they all concluded the effectiveness of Muggle hormone birth control is not nearly as reliable in witches. I take it your meeting with the minister didn't go well?"

"I gave him forty-eight hours to re-think his decision, but there is a good chance I am going to end up unable to procure birth control or the means to brew my own, and married against my will to someone," Hermione answered glumly. "I was so pleased that the Ministry finally seemed to have someone in charge who was genuinely trying to be an honest politician, and now what I would give to have a corrupt idiot back in office like Fudge."

"Keep in mind the other side of that, Hermione."

Hermione arched a questioning brow.

"A politician like Fudge would be just as susceptible to bribery from others as from you, and not everyone would be bribing the Ministry to be exempt."

"Like Percy was saying," Hermione concluded. "I might have just as easily found myself auctioned off to someone with better connections." Her head thumped back into her hands. "What am I going to do, Severus? I'm going to have to find a supplier of sighing hibiscus somewhere!"

There was silence for a long moment, and when Hermione lifted her head again, the portrait's frame was empty. She gave the empty frame an irritated scowl. The git had abandoned her, and there was no real telling where he had gone. He could be roaming the halls, at his portrait at Hogwarts, or at her home. He might even have portraiture elsewhere he hadn't bothered to mention to her. She huffed, and then looked at her research notes for her current project listlessly, and then back at the empty frame. Gathering her things, she left her lab, pausing to knock on Serena Savage's door.

There was a muffled "Enter," and she let herself in, stopping short when she saw her boss' face. Hermione had clearly interrupted a good cry. Feeling awkward, she closed the door behind her and said, "I am not feeling well-I thought I would be fine for work, but that's not the case. If I may presume, you look as if you might benefit from a day off as well."

Serena's shoulders quivered, and she spat bitterly, "It's that fucking law, of course. The same with you, I imagine. They're not making exceptions for anyone. I spoke to my Healer this morning, and he threatened to turn me in. It's apparently been made clear that their licenses will be in question and revoked if women are suddenly sterile or medically unable to bear children, and it's never been noted previously in their medical files."

Hermione sat down across from Serena, and murmured, "I went directly to the minister this morning. I don't believe my trip did any good either."

"I wanted a child, maybe two, someday," said Serena. "At the right time, with the right wizard. I never thought it could be forced on me."

"Serena. I think...I think I might have an idea. We may not be able to avoid getting married, but I think we can still avoid having children before we're ready to. Is Mr. Malfoy in his office today?"

The other woman looked a little startled, but vaguely hopeful. "No, the owners rarely come in for longer than a few hours a week."

"Can you set up a meeting for me with him?"

Serena nodded. "Yes, I can arrange that. I'll set up a meeting for us first thing in the morning."

Hermione shook her head. "I don't think you should come to this one. It requires Mr. Malfoy's willingness to work outside the law. So it depends on whether the money he stands to gain is worth the potential legal consequences. If he shoots me down or even fires me for suggesting that he become involved, I don't want you to be touched by it."

Serena gave Hermione a measured look. "You're not worried about getting in trouble yourself for suggesting something below-board?"

"With the other partners, I wouldn't risk it. But with Mr. Malfoy...I think he would be interested in hearing my thoughts. Do you think there's any chance he would meet this afternoon?"

Serena swallowed. "I...I can try. You had better know what you're doing, though."

"I don't, actually. That's why I need him."

Sharp grey eyes studied Hermione for a moment, and then Draco Malfoy said carefully, "I am aware that the Ministry's latest grand idea is about to make Contraceptive Potion a Healer's writ. I don't understand what this has to do with me, however."

"I have been reliably informed that a certain potion component is also going to be very difficult for one to get one's hands on commercially. The demand for that potion under the table is about to go through the roof. If one had access to a dedicated potion brewer they trusted, and the contacts to get said flower into the country without a fuss..."

"You are asking me to smuggle something into the country, then have someone brew and sell it illegally."

"I'm hypothesising that such an endeavour is bound to occur, considering how much potential money it could make."

"Illegal money."

"I was under the impression that Goblins have never really cared for politics. Should bootlegging of contraceptives become an enterprise of someone-hypothetically-Goblins have never been subject to the Ministry's demands when it comes to bank account access or cash flow."

Malfoy crossed his arms and said directly, "The Ministry might not be able to freeze the account, Granger, but they could send said hypothetical bootlegger to Azkaban."

"Only if said cunning bootlegger gets caught." Hermione strove to keep her voice light, but her heart was in her throat. For the second time in as many days, she was attempting something that could get her into a great deal of trouble, something she had been assiduously avoiding since the war. She rather liked her life free of criminal charges.

"I could fire you for this, or turn you into the MLE. I and what is left of my family have been working very hard to move away from the image of one that thinks it's above the law and other people."

"You won't. You owe me that much," Hermione shot back. "If you tell me you are not interested, you will never hear of it again, I swear it."

Draco waited another heartbeat, and then unlocked his desk with a twisting motion of his wand. After thumbing through several files, he withdrew a couple sheets of paper and carefully placed one in front of Hermione, and one in front of himself. He smiled slightly and said, his voice bland, "Just as with the original, a breach of contract will curse you to silence. Not the sort that wears off or that St. Mungo's can reverse. In addition, you will also get very, very sick from this version."

Hermione felt her brows furrow, and glanced down at the page. It was a contract of silence, not dissimilar to the one she had signed when she had joined the company. This contract, however, outlined in detail the operation and locations one would use to create, brew, and bottle illegal Contraceptive Potions. It also mentioned both the sighing hibiscus and her by name.

Hermione's gaze flew up to Malfoy's, and her breath caught. "You knew what I wanted to discuss! How...?"

There was a discreet cough from their right, and Hermione's head whipped around to look at the wall, where a rather smug-looking Severus was crammed into the same frame as an austere-looking elderly lady.

"Severus informed me that you might be interested in the topic, yes. We thought we'd wait to see if you actually came to me or if I would have to nudge you a bit, let slip about the lower labs or something." Draco's expression was amused.

Hermione gave the portrait a look that promised retribution for not giving her a fair warning, and turned her attention back to the man sitting across from her. "Lower labs?"

The blond smiled unrepentantly. "Oops. Dear me, did I say that?" He nodded toward the page. "Sign, Granger, and I'll show you."

Hermione didn't pause before affixing her name to the bottom of the sheet, and her old nemesis laughed.

"Just jump right in, without even reading it, huh? Makes me wish I had sneaked in a few other clauses after all. Severus was so stodgy about what he would allow me to make you promise, though. Take my arm, then. I think this will be rather fun. I almost never get to show off to you anymore. It's apparently unseemly for adults to do that, and I've been dying to go 'look what I've got' at you for ages."

What Malfoy had, apparently, was a basement floor of the building only accessible by Apparition-there were no doors, windows, Floos or stairs on the entire level. Since one had to know where a place was in order to Apparate to it successfully, it was an easy and rather ingenious way to keep security tight.

The room was large-twice again the size of her own lab space, and contained several stacked crates of what appeared to be rare wand woods and cores. Ones that were typically very difficult to obtain. A large numeral "3" was painted on the floor where they stood, clearly the focus of Malfoy's Apparition and a good indication that there were at least three of these secret basement rooms.

Hermione lifted her brows in silent reproof, and then grimaced as she realized the hypocrisy behind the expression. Malfoy looked amused, and swept a hand in a grand gesture. "Look what I've got, Granger." His face became serious and as he continued. "There is plenty of space once I get rid of those boxes that you don't see me in possession of. It's climate controlled, and on absolutely none of the existing floor plans of the building. You find me a brewer you trust to do the job right, and I'll find a supplier willing to work off the Ministry's radar."

His gaze became hard and unforgiving. "It is also going to be your job to find a way to discreetly sell the finished product. If this is going to happen, no one is going to know about it without getting their hands a bit dirty, including you. I've found that it's a much better incentive to make deals like this successful and undetected."

"If you can guarantee the raw materials and space, I'll find you a brewer and come up with a sales plan. I just need a few weeks to get myself engaged to someone who won't get in the way."

"Then it seems we have a plan. Incidentally, I'm looking for a marriage of convenience, too. I don't suppose you're interested?"

Hermione wrinkled her nose. "No, thank you. As convenient as that would be, I can't see myself being able to convince Harry or Ron that you aren't using the Imperius curse on me, which just invites unwanted attention."

"Ouch, Granger. You know I'm really not that awful." The look he gave her was so falsely wounded that she couldn't help but snort a little in laughter.

Composing herself with difficulty, she offered, "Might I direct your attention toward Miss Savage? I don't believe she is taken, and is currently not interested in having a family."

"Arcturus Savage would be pleased to have me offer; he's always felt that I needed a wife to 'settle' me anyway, since I took over the Malfoy side of our business dealings. She's a pure-blood, too."

Hermione gave him a very frosty look. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said she's intelligent, too," he answered blandly, then gave her a sideways glance. "Circe, but you're sensitive. It's been over ten years."

She chose to ignore his last statement. "That's what I thought I heard. If you'll excuse me, now, Mr. Malfoy. I have work to do, and a Weasley to visit by the end of the month. I've already put it off longer than I should have."

Malfoy grimaced. "Really? You're going there for a husband when you could have had me?"

"He's not nearly as much of a wanker. More imaginative, too."

"You do know that I am your boss, right? I own a third of this company-my name's on the door and everything."

"And if you fire me, all my patents follow me, according to my contract. Not to mention that your silencing contracts only have a six month life before expiration once employment has been terminated."

"Blackmail doesn't suit you."

"Unfortunately, Minister Behrends didn't think so, either."

Draco Malfoy gave her an appreciative look. "Good heavens, Granger, you have been busy."

A/N: Once again, thank you so much for reading, especially those who also review. It’s wonderful to hear what you guys think!

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