(no subject)
hangin out in the library at school. feelin like the fuckin alien i surely am. rippin huge loud farts and making everyone grossed out, but dont pretend you dont fart! you cant hold that shit in its dangerous! ill outlive all you fuckin haughty squares, with my dirty face and basically streaked with sweaty dirt everywhere. sarah sass says junkyard dog, and nothing could be more true. its fuckin warm and sticky in the bay area daytimes and im fully lappin it up like a thirsty puppy. ridin my dirty bike, wearin my dirty clothes sleepin in dirty beds. school is fuckin weird. for some reason, even though its all structure and discipline and responisibilty, it doesnt feel like what real life is. it feels real strange, real life to me is bein able to drop in on yer friends at any hour of the day, or to jet across the country at the drop of a hat to attend a dear buddy's funeral or a queer music fest in the mountains, or just to give someone a warm squeeze. it feels fake and unreal to stay inside to study, even though principally its a good thing, that ive been needing to do for a long time. now more than ive ever been im hooked on people, people all the time, sparks and people. its bad, so ive quit drinking and im trying to deprioritize my social life, but im so fucking in love with so many people right now its really hard. i need to work on expression, small things, quality not quantity, etcetera.
the bay feels really good right now. ive fuckin reluctantly fallen in love with oakland california, dirty south kid that i am. dont ask me how it happened, cuz 3 months ago this place was trying to kill me and i was in a constant state of panic-attackedness. really, i think it mightve been the longest-running worst time in my life. and now im all, oh oakland, riding the bart across the city literally swooning. i dunno. its weird.
in other news i moved into a new house with van and jaqxun, both of whom i fucking love living with and our house is the most fancy place ive lived in my life, so the home life is good, everything worked out, it always does.
the bay feels really good right now. ive fuckin reluctantly fallen in love with oakland california, dirty south kid that i am. dont ask me how it happened, cuz 3 months ago this place was trying to kill me and i was in a constant state of panic-attackedness. really, i think it mightve been the longest-running worst time in my life. and now im all, oh oakland, riding the bart across the city literally swooning. i dunno. its weird.
in other news i moved into a new house with van and jaqxun, both of whom i fucking love living with and our house is the most fancy place ive lived in my life, so the home life is good, everything worked out, it always does.