(no subject)
Watched House last night. There was a moving moment when the comatose House was on a Heaven-Effected-White bus with Amber, he says to her, in essence, "You're dead, am I dead?"
"Not yet. Get off the bus, House."
He sits, "I don't want to get off the bus; I'm not in pain here, I'm not suffering. Why should I get off and go back to where I would have to go through that?"
I decided last night that my grandmother has been standing at the bus station, waiting for that bus for a period of time that (I assume) only she knows.
My grandmother has been sick for the past few years with something that shows up as a bacterial infection in her lungs, and after the latest battery of antibiotics, we were informed that there's nothing further the doctors can do.
Now I've got the image in my head that the bus has just pulled up to the bus stop, and the driver has his hand on the handle, preparing to open the door for her to get on the bus.
Adding insult to injury, two minutes after my father informed me that the doctors are done and grandma is... gonna be boarding the bus soon (my words, not his), he told me he was considering doing a "pay for play" system in the house. Paying small amounts of money for menial, time consuming tasks around the house. Two dollars to wash, dry, and fold a load of laundry. Two dollars for washing dishes. Two dollars for loading, starting, and emptying the dishwasher. Et cetera.
While I understand there's frustration with the lack of effort put into housework by myself and my brother, and where the economy is at and is continuing to go, getting ten dollars for an entire day's worth of work is not motivating whatsoever. Last I checked I have $-250 in my bank account, and needed to spend $41 on gas this morning which I put on my mother's credit card. Considering gas is getting more expensive, my car's "check engine soon" light has been on for somewhere between three and four weeks, and I'm now past the recommended time for getting an oil change, I'm about to go even further into debt.
Bartending school is $425, and EMT certification and Disaster Management classes at Southern aren't going to be cheap either.
I also need to find a way to get money to start paying off my student loans from Nebraska.
I fucked up. I got a worthless piece of paper after five and a half years in Nebraska and it doesn't even help me get a job. I'm in a deep hole and getting deeper.
Thought getting out of Nebraska/away from Christine would make me all better. Yeah, it didn't.
I still feel like crap.