Fic: Part Seventeen (Of Explanations and Confessions)
Title: Of Explanations and Confessions
Rating: er...G
Pairings: Harry/Cedric, Ron/Hermione (but no actual het)
Warnings: AU from GoF onward, boys kissing, occasional bouts of magical violence, OCs
Summary: Harry has some explanations for Hermione and confessions for Ron.
Thanks to my beta rotaryphones, who has been patient while I've been a nutcase for the first part of the semester. Thanks to all of you readers who've stuck through things with me, and for also being patient with me starting school again.
Links to previous parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen
"Harry, what happened out there?" Hermione asked. Harry sat with her and Ron in the grass beneath the massive oak that stood on the edge of the newly repaired Burrow property. "After you left…How did you do it? How did you go out there and just let yourself -"
Die. The word hung on the air, heavy and ominous. No one wanted to say it. In their quiet conversations in the past weeks, none of them had been able to bring themselves to say it aloud.
Harry reached up and tugged off his glasses, then swiped a hand over his eyes. "Let myself do what? What I was supposed to do? Easy. I'm the Boy Who Lived." At Hermione's skeptical expression, he sighed. "I didn't just let myself." He wasn't suicidal. He had just been - resigned. Resolved. Ready to do what he had to do. He couldn't have let all those people die in vain. "When I was out there, I saw my parents, and Remus and Sirius too."
"Like in the graveyard?" Ron asked.
Harry shook his head. "No. Through the stone. The third Hallow. I saw them all. But they told me it would be all right. That's how I did it."
"Harry," Hermione said, and she sounded helpless.
Ron scooted a bit closer to Harry. He was grateful for the silent support and warmth.
"I was surprised that I didn't see Cedric," Harry said, and glanced at Hermione. "Of all the people I thought I would get to see with the stone, I thought he would be one of them. But he wasn't there." His throat tightened, but he refused to cry. Everything was over. There was nothing left but to start a new life and rebuild.
"You're still blaming yourself about Diggory's death?" Ron asked. "Look - you've saved the entire world. You can't go feeling awful about every bad thing that You-Know-Who - that Voldemort did. It was his fault, all right? So let it go."
"Ron!" Hermione sounded scandalized. She flashed Harry a sympathetic look and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "It probably didn't mean anything that you didn't see him. After all, Voldemort didn't kill Remus, and you saw him, so it wasn't as if you would see everyone he'd killed again. You just saw people who are family, I suppose." She gave him a quick squeeze and tried to smile.
Harry knew what she was really saying, what she couldn't say in front of Ron. It doesn't mean Cedric didn't love you. Harry knew, more than anything else he'd ever known, that Cedric had loved him. He'd just wanted to see him one last time.
"Well," Ron said finally, though he sounded a bit shaken. "It was good that you saw your family then, eh? I'll bet that helped. Immensely." From his tone, Ron knew he'd just offered the biggest understatement in wizarding history, but he didn't seem to know what else to say.
Harry wasn't sure how to tell his two best friends that some very hot, very intense sex with a random stranger - Death Eater - had gone a long way toward helping him face down his destiny. He almost wanted to laugh. Everyone thinks I'm a hero, but I'm just like every other bloke out there - didn't want to die a virgin.
Didn't want to die alone.
And that's what it amounted to, didn't it? When he'd faced down Voldemort, he hadn't been alone. He'd had the strength and love of a thousand people behind him, and he'd fulfilled his destiny.
"It's done," Harry said. "Everything is…done. Maybe we can finally rest." Something about that statement made him feel old, used up. Or perhaps he was still very tired.
Hermione nodded. "Now that everything is over, we could visit Godric's Hollow properly this time, maybe see about having your parents' old house rebuilt."
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Actually, I was thinking of…taking a break for a while. Going off and seeing the world. By myself."
Hermione blinked. "Really? Alone?"
Harry nodded and opened his eyes. "Yeah. I want to see the Muggle world a bit. After all, everything we did saved them too, you know? And I want to see it. See what we would have lost."
"Oh," Ron said in a small voice. “D'you know where you're going first?"
"America, definitely." Harry didn't tell Ron that he was going there because he had solved a clue on a piece of parchment given to him by a strange girl who had disturbed him more thoroughly than he could explain. "I've heard Disney World is brilliant fun."
"But Harry, what about NEWTS and seventh year and Auror training?" Hermione's eyes were wide with surprise and hurt, but she was clearly doing her best to be both supportive and helpful.
"I'm not sure," Harry confessed. "I think I might want to become an Auror. Eventually. But I've been a dark wizard-catcher almost my whole life, don't you think? I should try something brand new. My mother was raised a muggle. Snape was half-muggle, and he probably knew more about muggles than I do. I have to find out."
He wasn't sure he could explain that the note the girl had given him had affected him in more ways than one. Independence - it had become his mantra of late. The wizarding world had fought against Voldemort to stop him from stealing what independence they had, but Harry still felt he hadn't escaped the man's shadow. He needed some time to figure out how to be Harry and not Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived Twice.
"That's fair," Ron said. He smiled slightly. "You'll have to bring back loads of random muggle souvenirs."
"For your dad, especially." Harry turned and nudged Hermione's shoulder with his. "I doubt you'll be interested in socket wrenches or things."
She smiled tightly. "Something decidedly American wouldn't be amiss, I think."
"Of course," Ron said, "Hermione'd be more pleased if you brought back an American girlfriend or something. Take the attention off of us, you know." For all that Ron had been jealous of Harry's press coverage in years past, he was now experiencing his own celebrity grief. The Prophet hailed Ron and Hermione as the darling couple of the war, the symbol of new hope for the future - a pureblood hero and his muggle-born genius girlfriend. If Molly's subtle hints at another marriage in the family weren't pressure enough, the blatant cries for romance from the readers of Witch Weekly were far worse. "Unless you and Ginny have some possibility in the future…"
At the sound of Ginny's name, Harry winced. Hermione's eyebrows went up, and she cast Harry a look. His heart sank. She'd been nagging him about coming out to Ron for the past few days. Harry didn't want to make an already awkward conversation even more awkward.
"I don't think Harry's quite that interested in Ginny," Hermione said, her tone deceptively casual.
"Is that what you told her?" Ron asked.
"I've told her," Harry said, "but I don't think she's listening to me, not really."
Ron took a deep breath. Harry knew he was looking for the right words. As much as he was insanely protective of his little sister, the entire Weasley family had banded together to help Harry as much as possible in the aftermath of the War. "Do you really mean it? She was upset about what you said at the end of Sixth Year, but then later that summer…"
Hermione was eyeing Harry speculatively as well, because she had already had words with him over "leading Ginny on," which he was sure he wasn't doing and she was sure he was.
"I told her, and I quote, 'I'm not interested in a relationship.'" Harry picked at a dandelion, and he could hear Snape's voice in his head, castigating him for the way he abused his potions ingredients. His head was full of memories these days, memories of the dead.
"Oh. Well, she keeps looking at you like she's waiting for the right moment, that eventually you'll give in and - marry her or something." Ron's tone took on a hint of warning. Ginny was his little sister, and he wouldn't stand for any blokes messing her about.
Harry glanced at Ron, then back at Hermione. She had the faintest hints of smugness tugging at the corners of her expression, and it irked him. So he said to Ron, "Are you and Hermione getting married any time soon?"
That earned a splutter and a bright red face as Ron struggled for words. "What? No! That's absolutely mad! We're just kids." Then he darted an apologetic, embarrassed look at Hermione. "You know I love you, but -"
She shrugged and shook her head. "I understand. I have ambitions and dreams I want to fulfill, and we're both young. We have time for grand adventures, and we should live them."
"Hopefully they don't involve a tent in the Forest of Dean," Ron said.
"Well, you can see how Ginny's hopes for a future with me are a bit…misguided." Harry knew he was treading a thin line, trying to express his utter lack of desire for Ron's sister without insulting her outright.
"It's not as if Ginny's a bad sort. Pretty enough," Ron said.
Harry saw the earnest hope in his best friend's eyes and winced. Hermione shot him another pointed look, and Harry shook his head. Hermione tilted her head in Ron's direction again and glared. Fiercely. The silence between them dragged on long enough for Ron to notice, and he twisted around to peer at Hermione. When she shrugged and offered an innocent look, Ron turned to Harry. On Harry's other side, Hermione smiled triumphantly. Harry felt his heart drop into his shoes. It was time to tell Ron. "About me coming home from America with a girl…"
Ron shrugged one shoulder. "I was just having you on, mate. Hermione and I are fine. She copes well under pressure."
Hermione opened her mouth for a witty remark, then snapped it shut before Ron got distracted or Harry managed to weasel away from the topic. He sighed.
"Listen, I don't know how to say this -"
"Just say it, then." Ron gazed at him frankly. "We're not girls. Well, Hermione's a girl, but she's one of us, yeah? You don't have to be nice to me all the time. Not that most girls are nice to me, but - you know what I mean. What is it?"
"See, during Fourth Year," Harry began, and took a deep breath, "when Hermione was, er, dating Viktor Krum -"
Ron looked irritated at any mention of Krum even now. "Just say it, Harry. Really. We're best friends."
"I'm gay."
Ron blinked once, twice. Opened his mouth to speak, then closed it.
Harry desperately wanted to say something to break the awful silence, but he knew Ron had to say something first.
"But…you're normal," Ron said. "You liked Cho and Ginny and you play Quidditch and…I take it you don’t mean happy?" Ron's expression was a mix between disbelief and newly-realized horror. "Not that you've looked all that happy lately. "
Harry said nothing, just met Ron's gaze plainly, waiting for the verdict.
Ron's face went pale, and he tore his gaze away from Harry. "Bloody hell. You mean it, don't you? That you like to…you know…with blokes?" The newly-realized horror rose anew in his eyes. "Is there a bloke?" From the look on his face, he was picturing someone like Blaise Zabini.
"No," Harry began. "Not right now-"
"But you've had a - a boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
Harry took a deep breath. "During Fourth Year, when Hermione was dating Viktor Krum -"
"You were too?"
"No! No. Hermione and I were not sharing Krum." Harry shuddered.
Hermione uttered a wordless sound of indignation.
"Tell me it wasn't Malfoy."
"It wasn't - what? No! Hermione said the same bloody thing. I've never even fancied Malfoy. He's not my type." Harry ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.
Ron pinned Hermione with a look. "You knew?"
It was her turn to look uncomfortable. "Harry told me Fifth Year."
Ron turned his glare back on Harry. "And you didn't tell me? We're best mates, Harry. I tell you everything."
Harry looked away, embarrassed. "Did you really want to sit around listening to us compare kisses between Krum and Cedric?"
Ron blinked. "Diggory? Pretty-boy Diggory? Then why did you keep talking about Krum?"
Harry felt his hands curl into fists. "Because I was trying to ease my way into it, but you're so bloody blunt sometimes."
Ron continued to look poleaxed. "Diggory? But he - and Cho -"
"Were just friends who danced together at the Ball."
Ron's mouth fell open, and he could only stare blankly at Harry while he tried to process what he'd just learned.
Harry bit his lip. Fear curled in the pit of his stomach, and he knew that if Ron didn't say something soon he would probably be sick. What if Hermione was wrong? What if Ron was disgusted by him and never spoke to him again?
Ron tore his gaze away from Harry and Hermione, and he stared down at his hands. "I can't believe you never told me," he said, and his voice was low, hurt.
Hermione, who had looked smug at the start of the confession, looked thoroughly guilty. "Ron, it wasn't my secret to tell."
He nodded. "I know. I know. That doesn’t mean I'm not still…angry about it. Why, Harry? Didn't you trust me?"
"You're my best mate, Ron, but I - didn't know what you'd say, if we'd still be friends after I told you." Harry stared down at his shoes, hunching his shoulders defensively. "It's not always taken so well in muggle society, and I've never heard wizards or witches mention it at all. I didn't know how to tell you. And I didn't really want to talk about it, either."
"Talk about what, that you wanted to snog me or something?"
"No, that I'd watched the boy I love die."
Ron went quiet. After another agonizing silence, he said, "I'm sorry. I - I need to think about this." He pushed himself to his feet and started back toward the burrow. Harry and Hermione watched him go.
"It wasn't that awful," Hermione said, but she sounded uncertain.
"Well, he was more hacked about me and Cedric than he was about you and Viktor, so I suppose you were right about that." Harry said. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. What was he supposed to do now, just live in Ron's house and not talk to him and wait for Ron to tell everyone he was a shirt-lifter and then get kicked out because he didn't want to fall madly in love with Ginny and have loads of kids?
Hermione tried to smile. "I know Ron better than you do. Really, Harry, everything will be all right. Just give him a few days to -"
In the distance, Ron came to a sharp halt. Then he spun on his heel and marched right back to them. Harry tensed - he could see anger in Ron's face, especially as his face was dangerously close to being darker than his hair.
"Hermione, you said you never actually dated Viktor!" Ron said.
Harry pushed himself to his feet and ducked away from the trees before Ron could drag him into the fight.
* * *
Harry stood beside the fireplace in the Burrow, bag packed, passport in hand should Muggle authorities accost him on his way.
"Send an owl as soon as you get there," Molly said.
"I will," Harry said as he leaned in to hug her.
Her smile, though cheerful, was strained. She missed Fred still, and she hadn't been oblivious to the uncomfortable silence that had lingered between Harry, Ron, and Hermione for the past few weeks. Whether or not she was more annoyed at Harry or Ron, Harry couldn't tell.
"Take good care of yourself, lad, but know we're here should you need us." Arthur's expression was warm, if tired. Rebuilding the ministry was hard work, but he was dedicated. While Molly fussed with a packed lunch, Arthur darted in to whisper, "I hear American muggles have massive buildings dedicated to so-called 'power tools'. You must visit one and tell me all about it." He pressed a card into Harry's hand, and Harry nodded, wondering if he should just tell him about the hardware section of the local Asda.
Perhaps he'd see if the American muggles had anything Arthur would be unlikely to stumble across. "I'll see about finding you something special, Mr. Weasley." Harry smiled and pocketed the business card, then turned to George.
"Have loads of fun, mate," George said, and clapped him on the shoulder. His grin looked too bright, too manic without Fred's slightly calmer smile beside it. "Scope out the competition, see if the Yanks have any good pranks."
"Will do." Harry grinned and shook his hand. Charlie gave him a travel snitch to practice with, and Bill handed him a list of useful curse-breaking tips and spells.
Ginny hugged him tentatively, but when she smiled she no longer looked hopeful - or hurt. Harry had told her a week ago, and she'd taken it surprisingly well.
Hermione dragged him into a tight hug and whispered, "I'll miss you so much. Good luck, and be careful, all right?" Then she lowered her voice even more and breathed into his ear, "I would be glad if you came home with a golden, blond California surfer boy. I hear they're worth a fancy." And she stepped back before Harry could say anything in reply. She grinned.
Harry blushed. "Thanks, Hermione. Good luck with your NEWTs. I'll do my best to write often."
Molly looked relieved that their farewell was fond.
Ron stepped up last. He and Harry looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. Harry could only utter a wordless sound of surprise when Ron yanked him into a fierce hug.
"You're my best mate," Ron whispered, too low for the others to hear. "I'm sorry about being such a prat. It doesn’t matter if you don't marry Ginny - you'll always be the extra brother I always wanted. So go to America and have fun and - write. If you come back with a Yank I - I won't mind." Then he pulled back and ducked his head, embarrassed.
Relief flooded through Harry, and he was shocked into stillness as he realized that he wouldn't be losing his best friend. Molly peered at him anxiously, and Harry realized everyone was watching, could sense the tension in the air. Harry managed to regain some of his composure. He smiled at Ron, then at the others. "I'll miss you all. Thank you, everyone, for everything."
Arthur checked his pocket-watch. "You'd best be going if you don't want to miss the portkey."
Harry nodded, cast some floo powder in the fireplace, stepped into the green flames, and called out, "Department of International Transport, Ministry of Magic." Then he spun away.
Eighteen
Rating: er...G
Pairings: Harry/Cedric, Ron/Hermione (but no actual het)
Warnings: AU from GoF onward, boys kissing, occasional bouts of magical violence, OCs
Summary: Harry has some explanations for Hermione and confessions for Ron.
Thanks to my beta rotaryphones, who has been patient while I've been a nutcase for the first part of the semester. Thanks to all of you readers who've stuck through things with me, and for also being patient with me starting school again.
Links to previous parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen
"Harry, what happened out there?" Hermione asked. Harry sat with her and Ron in the grass beneath the massive oak that stood on the edge of the newly repaired Burrow property. "After you left…How did you do it? How did you go out there and just let yourself -"
Die. The word hung on the air, heavy and ominous. No one wanted to say it. In their quiet conversations in the past weeks, none of them had been able to bring themselves to say it aloud.
Harry reached up and tugged off his glasses, then swiped a hand over his eyes. "Let myself do what? What I was supposed to do? Easy. I'm the Boy Who Lived." At Hermione's skeptical expression, he sighed. "I didn't just let myself." He wasn't suicidal. He had just been - resigned. Resolved. Ready to do what he had to do. He couldn't have let all those people die in vain. "When I was out there, I saw my parents, and Remus and Sirius too."
"Like in the graveyard?" Ron asked.
Harry shook his head. "No. Through the stone. The third Hallow. I saw them all. But they told me it would be all right. That's how I did it."
"Harry," Hermione said, and she sounded helpless.
Ron scooted a bit closer to Harry. He was grateful for the silent support and warmth.
"I was surprised that I didn't see Cedric," Harry said, and glanced at Hermione. "Of all the people I thought I would get to see with the stone, I thought he would be one of them. But he wasn't there." His throat tightened, but he refused to cry. Everything was over. There was nothing left but to start a new life and rebuild.
"You're still blaming yourself about Diggory's death?" Ron asked. "Look - you've saved the entire world. You can't go feeling awful about every bad thing that You-Know-Who - that Voldemort did. It was his fault, all right? So let it go."
"Ron!" Hermione sounded scandalized. She flashed Harry a sympathetic look and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "It probably didn't mean anything that you didn't see him. After all, Voldemort didn't kill Remus, and you saw him, so it wasn't as if you would see everyone he'd killed again. You just saw people who are family, I suppose." She gave him a quick squeeze and tried to smile.
Harry knew what she was really saying, what she couldn't say in front of Ron. It doesn't mean Cedric didn't love you. Harry knew, more than anything else he'd ever known, that Cedric had loved him. He'd just wanted to see him one last time.
"Well," Ron said finally, though he sounded a bit shaken. "It was good that you saw your family then, eh? I'll bet that helped. Immensely." From his tone, Ron knew he'd just offered the biggest understatement in wizarding history, but he didn't seem to know what else to say.
Harry wasn't sure how to tell his two best friends that some very hot, very intense sex with a random stranger - Death Eater - had gone a long way toward helping him face down his destiny. He almost wanted to laugh. Everyone thinks I'm a hero, but I'm just like every other bloke out there - didn't want to die a virgin.
Didn't want to die alone.
And that's what it amounted to, didn't it? When he'd faced down Voldemort, he hadn't been alone. He'd had the strength and love of a thousand people behind him, and he'd fulfilled his destiny.
"It's done," Harry said. "Everything is…done. Maybe we can finally rest." Something about that statement made him feel old, used up. Or perhaps he was still very tired.
Hermione nodded. "Now that everything is over, we could visit Godric's Hollow properly this time, maybe see about having your parents' old house rebuilt."
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Actually, I was thinking of…taking a break for a while. Going off and seeing the world. By myself."
Hermione blinked. "Really? Alone?"
Harry nodded and opened his eyes. "Yeah. I want to see the Muggle world a bit. After all, everything we did saved them too, you know? And I want to see it. See what we would have lost."
"Oh," Ron said in a small voice. “D'you know where you're going first?"
"America, definitely." Harry didn't tell Ron that he was going there because he had solved a clue on a piece of parchment given to him by a strange girl who had disturbed him more thoroughly than he could explain. "I've heard Disney World is brilliant fun."
"But Harry, what about NEWTS and seventh year and Auror training?" Hermione's eyes were wide with surprise and hurt, but she was clearly doing her best to be both supportive and helpful.
"I'm not sure," Harry confessed. "I think I might want to become an Auror. Eventually. But I've been a dark wizard-catcher almost my whole life, don't you think? I should try something brand new. My mother was raised a muggle. Snape was half-muggle, and he probably knew more about muggles than I do. I have to find out."
He wasn't sure he could explain that the note the girl had given him had affected him in more ways than one. Independence - it had become his mantra of late. The wizarding world had fought against Voldemort to stop him from stealing what independence they had, but Harry still felt he hadn't escaped the man's shadow. He needed some time to figure out how to be Harry and not Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived Twice.
"That's fair," Ron said. He smiled slightly. "You'll have to bring back loads of random muggle souvenirs."
"For your dad, especially." Harry turned and nudged Hermione's shoulder with his. "I doubt you'll be interested in socket wrenches or things."
She smiled tightly. "Something decidedly American wouldn't be amiss, I think."
"Of course," Ron said, "Hermione'd be more pleased if you brought back an American girlfriend or something. Take the attention off of us, you know." For all that Ron had been jealous of Harry's press coverage in years past, he was now experiencing his own celebrity grief. The Prophet hailed Ron and Hermione as the darling couple of the war, the symbol of new hope for the future - a pureblood hero and his muggle-born genius girlfriend. If Molly's subtle hints at another marriage in the family weren't pressure enough, the blatant cries for romance from the readers of Witch Weekly were far worse. "Unless you and Ginny have some possibility in the future…"
At the sound of Ginny's name, Harry winced. Hermione's eyebrows went up, and she cast Harry a look. His heart sank. She'd been nagging him about coming out to Ron for the past few days. Harry didn't want to make an already awkward conversation even more awkward.
"I don't think Harry's quite that interested in Ginny," Hermione said, her tone deceptively casual.
"Is that what you told her?" Ron asked.
"I've told her," Harry said, "but I don't think she's listening to me, not really."
Ron took a deep breath. Harry knew he was looking for the right words. As much as he was insanely protective of his little sister, the entire Weasley family had banded together to help Harry as much as possible in the aftermath of the War. "Do you really mean it? She was upset about what you said at the end of Sixth Year, but then later that summer…"
Hermione was eyeing Harry speculatively as well, because she had already had words with him over "leading Ginny on," which he was sure he wasn't doing and she was sure he was.
"I told her, and I quote, 'I'm not interested in a relationship.'" Harry picked at a dandelion, and he could hear Snape's voice in his head, castigating him for the way he abused his potions ingredients. His head was full of memories these days, memories of the dead.
"Oh. Well, she keeps looking at you like she's waiting for the right moment, that eventually you'll give in and - marry her or something." Ron's tone took on a hint of warning. Ginny was his little sister, and he wouldn't stand for any blokes messing her about.
Harry glanced at Ron, then back at Hermione. She had the faintest hints of smugness tugging at the corners of her expression, and it irked him. So he said to Ron, "Are you and Hermione getting married any time soon?"
That earned a splutter and a bright red face as Ron struggled for words. "What? No! That's absolutely mad! We're just kids." Then he darted an apologetic, embarrassed look at Hermione. "You know I love you, but -"
She shrugged and shook her head. "I understand. I have ambitions and dreams I want to fulfill, and we're both young. We have time for grand adventures, and we should live them."
"Hopefully they don't involve a tent in the Forest of Dean," Ron said.
"Well, you can see how Ginny's hopes for a future with me are a bit…misguided." Harry knew he was treading a thin line, trying to express his utter lack of desire for Ron's sister without insulting her outright.
"It's not as if Ginny's a bad sort. Pretty enough," Ron said.
Harry saw the earnest hope in his best friend's eyes and winced. Hermione shot him another pointed look, and Harry shook his head. Hermione tilted her head in Ron's direction again and glared. Fiercely. The silence between them dragged on long enough for Ron to notice, and he twisted around to peer at Hermione. When she shrugged and offered an innocent look, Ron turned to Harry. On Harry's other side, Hermione smiled triumphantly. Harry felt his heart drop into his shoes. It was time to tell Ron. "About me coming home from America with a girl…"
Ron shrugged one shoulder. "I was just having you on, mate. Hermione and I are fine. She copes well under pressure."
Hermione opened her mouth for a witty remark, then snapped it shut before Ron got distracted or Harry managed to weasel away from the topic. He sighed.
"Listen, I don't know how to say this -"
"Just say it, then." Ron gazed at him frankly. "We're not girls. Well, Hermione's a girl, but she's one of us, yeah? You don't have to be nice to me all the time. Not that most girls are nice to me, but - you know what I mean. What is it?"
"See, during Fourth Year," Harry began, and took a deep breath, "when Hermione was, er, dating Viktor Krum -"
Ron looked irritated at any mention of Krum even now. "Just say it, Harry. Really. We're best friends."
"I'm gay."
Ron blinked once, twice. Opened his mouth to speak, then closed it.
Harry desperately wanted to say something to break the awful silence, but he knew Ron had to say something first.
"But…you're normal," Ron said. "You liked Cho and Ginny and you play Quidditch and…I take it you don’t mean happy?" Ron's expression was a mix between disbelief and newly-realized horror. "Not that you've looked all that happy lately. "
Harry said nothing, just met Ron's gaze plainly, waiting for the verdict.
Ron's face went pale, and he tore his gaze away from Harry. "Bloody hell. You mean it, don't you? That you like to…you know…with blokes?" The newly-realized horror rose anew in his eyes. "Is there a bloke?" From the look on his face, he was picturing someone like Blaise Zabini.
"No," Harry began. "Not right now-"
"But you've had a - a boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
Harry took a deep breath. "During Fourth Year, when Hermione was dating Viktor Krum -"
"You were too?"
"No! No. Hermione and I were not sharing Krum." Harry shuddered.
Hermione uttered a wordless sound of indignation.
"Tell me it wasn't Malfoy."
"It wasn't - what? No! Hermione said the same bloody thing. I've never even fancied Malfoy. He's not my type." Harry ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.
Ron pinned Hermione with a look. "You knew?"
It was her turn to look uncomfortable. "Harry told me Fifth Year."
Ron turned his glare back on Harry. "And you didn't tell me? We're best mates, Harry. I tell you everything."
Harry looked away, embarrassed. "Did you really want to sit around listening to us compare kisses between Krum and Cedric?"
Ron blinked. "Diggory? Pretty-boy Diggory? Then why did you keep talking about Krum?"
Harry felt his hands curl into fists. "Because I was trying to ease my way into it, but you're so bloody blunt sometimes."
Ron continued to look poleaxed. "Diggory? But he - and Cho -"
"Were just friends who danced together at the Ball."
Ron's mouth fell open, and he could only stare blankly at Harry while he tried to process what he'd just learned.
Harry bit his lip. Fear curled in the pit of his stomach, and he knew that if Ron didn't say something soon he would probably be sick. What if Hermione was wrong? What if Ron was disgusted by him and never spoke to him again?
Ron tore his gaze away from Harry and Hermione, and he stared down at his hands. "I can't believe you never told me," he said, and his voice was low, hurt.
Hermione, who had looked smug at the start of the confession, looked thoroughly guilty. "Ron, it wasn't my secret to tell."
He nodded. "I know. I know. That doesn’t mean I'm not still…angry about it. Why, Harry? Didn't you trust me?"
"You're my best mate, Ron, but I - didn't know what you'd say, if we'd still be friends after I told you." Harry stared down at his shoes, hunching his shoulders defensively. "It's not always taken so well in muggle society, and I've never heard wizards or witches mention it at all. I didn't know how to tell you. And I didn't really want to talk about it, either."
"Talk about what, that you wanted to snog me or something?"
"No, that I'd watched the boy I love die."
Ron went quiet. After another agonizing silence, he said, "I'm sorry. I - I need to think about this." He pushed himself to his feet and started back toward the burrow. Harry and Hermione watched him go.
"It wasn't that awful," Hermione said, but she sounded uncertain.
"Well, he was more hacked about me and Cedric than he was about you and Viktor, so I suppose you were right about that." Harry said. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. What was he supposed to do now, just live in Ron's house and not talk to him and wait for Ron to tell everyone he was a shirt-lifter and then get kicked out because he didn't want to fall madly in love with Ginny and have loads of kids?
Hermione tried to smile. "I know Ron better than you do. Really, Harry, everything will be all right. Just give him a few days to -"
In the distance, Ron came to a sharp halt. Then he spun on his heel and marched right back to them. Harry tensed - he could see anger in Ron's face, especially as his face was dangerously close to being darker than his hair.
"Hermione, you said you never actually dated Viktor!" Ron said.
Harry pushed himself to his feet and ducked away from the trees before Ron could drag him into the fight.
* * *
Harry stood beside the fireplace in the Burrow, bag packed, passport in hand should Muggle authorities accost him on his way.
"Send an owl as soon as you get there," Molly said.
"I will," Harry said as he leaned in to hug her.
Her smile, though cheerful, was strained. She missed Fred still, and she hadn't been oblivious to the uncomfortable silence that had lingered between Harry, Ron, and Hermione for the past few weeks. Whether or not she was more annoyed at Harry or Ron, Harry couldn't tell.
"Take good care of yourself, lad, but know we're here should you need us." Arthur's expression was warm, if tired. Rebuilding the ministry was hard work, but he was dedicated. While Molly fussed with a packed lunch, Arthur darted in to whisper, "I hear American muggles have massive buildings dedicated to so-called 'power tools'. You must visit one and tell me all about it." He pressed a card into Harry's hand, and Harry nodded, wondering if he should just tell him about the hardware section of the local Asda.
Perhaps he'd see if the American muggles had anything Arthur would be unlikely to stumble across. "I'll see about finding you something special, Mr. Weasley." Harry smiled and pocketed the business card, then turned to George.
"Have loads of fun, mate," George said, and clapped him on the shoulder. His grin looked too bright, too manic without Fred's slightly calmer smile beside it. "Scope out the competition, see if the Yanks have any good pranks."
"Will do." Harry grinned and shook his hand. Charlie gave him a travel snitch to practice with, and Bill handed him a list of useful curse-breaking tips and spells.
Ginny hugged him tentatively, but when she smiled she no longer looked hopeful - or hurt. Harry had told her a week ago, and she'd taken it surprisingly well.
Hermione dragged him into a tight hug and whispered, "I'll miss you so much. Good luck, and be careful, all right?" Then she lowered her voice even more and breathed into his ear, "I would be glad if you came home with a golden, blond California surfer boy. I hear they're worth a fancy." And she stepped back before Harry could say anything in reply. She grinned.
Harry blushed. "Thanks, Hermione. Good luck with your NEWTs. I'll do my best to write often."
Molly looked relieved that their farewell was fond.
Ron stepped up last. He and Harry looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. Harry could only utter a wordless sound of surprise when Ron yanked him into a fierce hug.
"You're my best mate," Ron whispered, too low for the others to hear. "I'm sorry about being such a prat. It doesn’t matter if you don't marry Ginny - you'll always be the extra brother I always wanted. So go to America and have fun and - write. If you come back with a Yank I - I won't mind." Then he pulled back and ducked his head, embarrassed.
Relief flooded through Harry, and he was shocked into stillness as he realized that he wouldn't be losing his best friend. Molly peered at him anxiously, and Harry realized everyone was watching, could sense the tension in the air. Harry managed to regain some of his composure. He smiled at Ron, then at the others. "I'll miss you all. Thank you, everyone, for everything."
Arthur checked his pocket-watch. "You'd best be going if you don't want to miss the portkey."
Harry nodded, cast some floo powder in the fireplace, stepped into the green flames, and called out, "Department of International Transport, Ministry of Magic." Then he spun away.
Eighteen