(no subject)
finding a problem to solve.
that is what something like 4 years of writing can be boiled down to. i have dug deeper and deeper into my own perception over the years looking for whatever it is that causes me to feel like i do. i have found problem after problem and tried to put them in order in these blank text boxes, as if turning these fluid feelings into organized bits of structured sentences, grouping them under esoteric ideas, and converting them to ones and zeros would fix them.
well as you might have guessed, this methodology has not proved effective. every question answered has lead to a thousand more, each one more intricate and further removed from reality than the last. there is some great inhibitor that keeps a human from converting their raw emotional feelings into logic. no matter how much i discover and put in order, the ends are always left frayed and loose and it is in those tangles that i still loose myself to this day. to summarize, logic and the dissection of myself has not gotten me any closer to some larger truth.
taking these premises into consideration, this will be my final logical assertion: if the only thing that has gotten me lost and miserable over these years is my failure to sort myself out through introspection and logic, then i should stop trying to figure anything out, especially unsolvable puzzles like my own psyche.
here is what i propose: that there are amazing opportunities waiting for anyone at any moment of the day and the only way that anyone can find those opportunities is when they are not hung up on some internal struggle, but are looking out into the world for what life has to offer.
i need to stop trying to control my thoughts, my circumstances, my preconceptions and just keep a look out for what great thing is out around the corner. these streets are filled with opportunity, this city is alive with real experiences, the world is filled with knowledge and its all for us. no more waiting for that thing i've fixated on. no more feeling shitty over unfulfilled expectations. no more fixations, no more expectations.
this is not an easy task for someone who invests themselves so heavily in the people and things that i put interest in. i have an amazing ability to empathize and feel and connect. what i need to realize is that while those moments of true connection are amazing, they are fleeting and there are many more and greater experiences left in the world for me to find.
this is what i now dedicate my days to.
i will only write about the good things i discover. i will only tell of my struggles abandoning my perceptions. i will no return to my previous convictions. i will find all those days that went missing.
that is what something like 4 years of writing can be boiled down to. i have dug deeper and deeper into my own perception over the years looking for whatever it is that causes me to feel like i do. i have found problem after problem and tried to put them in order in these blank text boxes, as if turning these fluid feelings into organized bits of structured sentences, grouping them under esoteric ideas, and converting them to ones and zeros would fix them.
well as you might have guessed, this methodology has not proved effective. every question answered has lead to a thousand more, each one more intricate and further removed from reality than the last. there is some great inhibitor that keeps a human from converting their raw emotional feelings into logic. no matter how much i discover and put in order, the ends are always left frayed and loose and it is in those tangles that i still loose myself to this day. to summarize, logic and the dissection of myself has not gotten me any closer to some larger truth.
taking these premises into consideration, this will be my final logical assertion: if the only thing that has gotten me lost and miserable over these years is my failure to sort myself out through introspection and logic, then i should stop trying to figure anything out, especially unsolvable puzzles like my own psyche.
here is what i propose: that there are amazing opportunities waiting for anyone at any moment of the day and the only way that anyone can find those opportunities is when they are not hung up on some internal struggle, but are looking out into the world for what life has to offer.
i need to stop trying to control my thoughts, my circumstances, my preconceptions and just keep a look out for what great thing is out around the corner. these streets are filled with opportunity, this city is alive with real experiences, the world is filled with knowledge and its all for us. no more waiting for that thing i've fixated on. no more feeling shitty over unfulfilled expectations. no more fixations, no more expectations.
this is not an easy task for someone who invests themselves so heavily in the people and things that i put interest in. i have an amazing ability to empathize and feel and connect. what i need to realize is that while those moments of true connection are amazing, they are fleeting and there are many more and greater experiences left in the world for me to find.
this is what i now dedicate my days to.
i will only write about the good things i discover. i will only tell of my struggles abandoning my perceptions. i will no return to my previous convictions. i will find all those days that went missing.