An update
Joey's old computer(what I use) crashed and I lost everything. Everything I had written, most importantly. It's finally working again.
My new monitor blows my dick off.
Joey is back with Anita with plans for marriage. She's going to be here until Monday so I'm friendless until then, not that Joey and I were the best of friends..
I've done a lot of crying. That's how I've spent my time. That and DVDs. No masturbation, surprisingly. My appetite for food had left me too until I got the computer working last night. That's when I realized I was addicted. That's also when I made the difficult choice between a can of vegetable soup and a can of cranberry sauce. I think I made the wrong decision because, after a few sips, I relinquished the vegetable soup to the cats. The bowl is still on the floor... of course.
A few days ago my landlord's wife called to inform me that Katie(the girl who lives above me) is leaving for a new job(boyfriend). She said they would be here at 4 so I was sure to be out of here by 2. Around 1:50 I had a mild panic attack. Afterwards, I never heard from them and feared for the worst until I went to drop my rent check off yesterday and, to my dismay, saw my landlord standing in his garage. My first reaction was to speed off but, fearing he would see me, I walked up, with Joey's encouragement("just get out of the fucking car") He was nice, though I still feared him, and said they'd be out here Saturday to clean up the place and he wanted the laundry room and storage shed where half my belongings reside cleared out. This threw me into another highly stressed frenzy which resulted in a cleaner house but not completely clean or anywhere near clean. I will be buying a vacuum today with the intent of returning it afterwards, as mine has died. As Cory once said, "you know that vacuum's maiden voyage across your carpet will be it's last." He was right. The cat hair and litter were just too much for it and, unfortunately, I lost the receipt.
I think the reason my landlord was so nice to me was the fact that I told his wife some of what was going on with me and well.. a bit of a lie. The conversation went something like: "my daughter likes cats" "me too!" "she also likes broccoli" "me too!" "she was molested by her uncle" "me too!"
So that's where the empathy comes from. An acquaintance suggested I further the lie by saying "Yes, I was gang raped by 15 men when I was four in a very clean room, that's why I need at least 85% of the carpet covered. Anything below that causes horrible flashbacks."
Today at 3:00 I have my first therapy appointment. I imagine it will be a waste of $35 but I'm hoping she can offer real, tangible help like "go here to receive money" or "do this to receive money."
It feels strange to be online and to be writing. Maybe it's just the new monitor. My window to the world. Maybe it's this morning schedule I somehow switched to, without my consent. I don't know. These are strange, scary, stressful, sad, and well.. change-filled times. What really needs to change is myself.
My new monitor blows my dick off.
Joey is back with Anita with plans for marriage. She's going to be here until Monday so I'm friendless until then, not that Joey and I were the best of friends..
I've done a lot of crying. That's how I've spent my time. That and DVDs. No masturbation, surprisingly. My appetite for food had left me too until I got the computer working last night. That's when I realized I was addicted. That's also when I made the difficult choice between a can of vegetable soup and a can of cranberry sauce. I think I made the wrong decision because, after a few sips, I relinquished the vegetable soup to the cats. The bowl is still on the floor... of course.
A few days ago my landlord's wife called to inform me that Katie(the girl who lives above me) is leaving for a new job(boyfriend). She said they would be here at 4 so I was sure to be out of here by 2. Around 1:50 I had a mild panic attack. Afterwards, I never heard from them and feared for the worst until I went to drop my rent check off yesterday and, to my dismay, saw my landlord standing in his garage. My first reaction was to speed off but, fearing he would see me, I walked up, with Joey's encouragement("just get out of the fucking car") He was nice, though I still feared him, and said they'd be out here Saturday to clean up the place and he wanted the laundry room and storage shed where half my belongings reside cleared out. This threw me into another highly stressed frenzy which resulted in a cleaner house but not completely clean or anywhere near clean. I will be buying a vacuum today with the intent of returning it afterwards, as mine has died. As Cory once said, "you know that vacuum's maiden voyage across your carpet will be it's last." He was right. The cat hair and litter were just too much for it and, unfortunately, I lost the receipt.
I think the reason my landlord was so nice to me was the fact that I told his wife some of what was going on with me and well.. a bit of a lie. The conversation went something like: "my daughter likes cats" "me too!" "she also likes broccoli" "me too!" "she was molested by her uncle" "me too!"
So that's where the empathy comes from. An acquaintance suggested I further the lie by saying "Yes, I was gang raped by 15 men when I was four in a very clean room, that's why I need at least 85% of the carpet covered. Anything below that causes horrible flashbacks."
Today at 3:00 I have my first therapy appointment. I imagine it will be a waste of $35 but I'm hoping she can offer real, tangible help like "go here to receive money" or "do this to receive money."
It feels strange to be online and to be writing. Maybe it's just the new monitor. My window to the world. Maybe it's this morning schedule I somehow switched to, without my consent. I don't know. These are strange, scary, stressful, sad, and well.. change-filled times. What really needs to change is myself.