Lotrips - What I'll Remember Most - Billy/Dom
Title: What I'll Remember Most
Author: Fox
Rating: pg-13 at best.
Fandom/Pairing: lotrips - Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan (Firefly AU)
Disclaimer: Not true. Names mentioned in this story do not constitute the actors knowledge of or agreement with what I've written.
Word Count: 1150
A/N: Written in my Firefly AU.
Many, many thanks out to canciona for betaing, and especially for the suggestion that made this much better than what I started out with. Also thanks to dicorvo for the spot checks! ♥
While this has been betaed, I am a compulsive tinkerer and any mistakes are my own.
My lyrics were:
Oh, dirty Maggie Mae, they have taken her away
and she'll never walk down Lime Street anymore
from Maggie Mae
Even as William woke, his mind was searching, instinctively reaching out for reassurance in the wake of his dream. He found only silence. He curled tighter into himself, away from Dominic, needing the brush of a mind more than physical comfort. Desperate and half-ashamed, he sent out a plea to Viggo, but there was no answer. He hadn’t really expected one. Viggo had informed him before they’d departed with Captain Reynolds that there could be no further contact between them once William and Dominic left his compound, but being without the familiar mental presence was agonizing. His hands curled into fists as a wave of intense emotion washed over him - loneliness, sadness, emptiness. Viggo had been the last person with whom William could properly share his mind-self, the last person who knew what it was to have been a part of the Otherworld; who knew the anguish of losing such an integral part of oneself. To go from being surrounded by the soothing mental buzz of the Others to this nothingness - his life had only been bearable because of Viggo. What was he to do now? He could feel himself begin to sink into despair and he turned his mind back to the dream.
It had been a memory of the day his father had sent him away. The suns had shone a muted orange and pink over the purple smudges of the distant Thraxan Barrier. The tall red babritch trees had been in full bloom, their black and yellow flowers rustling in the gentle breeze. That same wind had insistently tugged strands of his unruly hair from beneath his circlet. He’d felt a brush of warm affection in his mind and had turned his head, catching a glimpse of the taller sandy-haired man coming up behind him. They’d had words - William wanted to stay despite the unrest beyond the Barrier, but his father had firmly put his foot down on the matter. William and his sisters were to be sent away for the duration of the Change, as it was being called; the dissolution of the Lesser Kingdoms and the construction of a new government, each province sending representation over which William’s father, as High King, would preside. As Crown Prince, William wanted to be involved to show that this would last, that it was a change supported by the next generation of ruling Family as well as the current one. When he’d looked into his father’s light blue eyes, he’d seen the fear, but knew that he had no choice but to follow his father’s dictate; to disobey a direct mind-mouth order from the High King was punishable by death. A sense of resignation had settled over him. He’d looked back then, his eyes sweeping across the spectacular view as if to memorize every detail, to burn this image of his home into his brain so that he would never forget where he came from.
He allowed his anger at his father’s decision to send him away to surge through him. Better anger than despair - anger would fuel his need to find answers, keep him going when there didn’t seem to be any other reason for doing so. He soaked it in, let it fill him, lift him and carry him past the gaping hole that threatened to overwhelm him.
William felt the sudden press of Dominic’s chest against his back and the vibration of the low rumble Dominic made from deep in his throat. He knew it was the closest his companion could come to the soothing sound William often made when Dominic was upset or injured. Without the accompanying mental reassurance, though, William felt himself dragged back toward the despair. He grabbed onto his anger and pulled it back around him like a blanket.
He rolled to face Dominic. The faint light coming from under the Serenity’s prison hold door illuminated the much beloved features of his longtime companion.
“I dreamt of my father sending me away,” he said grimly.
“He did what he felt he had to do in order to protect you, William,” Dominic replied quietly as he reached out to pull William to him, gently stroking the bare skin of his back and shoulders.
It was the same response Dominic had given every other time, and had William still been in Viggo’s compound and had access to mental comfort, it probably would have been enough to calm him. Now, it only drew attention to the missing part of him.
“He sent me from my home and my family. He took away my entrance to the Otherworld. He took away my life.” William’s voice shook with the force of his anger and pain.
“He wanted you to survive,” Dominic said, low and forceful. The hand that cupped the back of William’s head, though, was gentle.
William knew his companion didn’t, couldn’t, understand what he was going through. He could understand, on an intellectual level, the idea of the Otherworld and the concept of melding consciousnesses when William explained it, but he would never grasp the fusion of emotions, the dissolution of mental and emotional barriers, the bonding that resulted, nor the horror of having it taken away. He could still remember how devastated he’d been when Viggo had explained to him that the distance was too great to travel without the babritch spores in the air to enhance the telepathic gateway. He’d been able to stand the burden only because of Viggo’s own experience with the loss of the Otherworld. The fact that the man had still lived had given William hope that he, too, would be able to push past the loss eventually. Now, though…
“Like this? Cut off from everything and everyone that could possibly fill this emptiness?”
“Is there no one?” William heard and felt Dominic’s flash of hurt as he spoke the words. “I thought Viggo…“
“He is gone from me. I am…alone.” William’s voice broke on the last word as he fought the despair again.
Dominic’s eyes closed, but held nothing back, and even in the absence of the mental and spiritual bond that he craved, William knew, in that moment, exactly what Dominic was feeling - love, distress that he couldn’t provide the mental comfort William needed, anxiety over their situation and stark pain at William’s choice of words. Dominic grabbed William and pulled him closer, holding him so tightly it hurt.
Never alone, William. Not so long as I live, I swear it.
Shame washed over William, momentarily overshadowing his pain. True, his companion couldn’t share every aspect of his life, but he did the best he could, and he deserved no less from William. He sighed deeply, pushing away both the anger and the despair, and focusing instead on his love for the man who held him so securely. He kissed Dominic’s shoulder, then his neck, a silent apology.
Dominic bent his head and pressed his lips to William’s nape, accepting it.
Author: Fox
Rating: pg-13 at best.
Fandom/Pairing: lotrips - Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan (Firefly AU)
Disclaimer: Not true. Names mentioned in this story do not constitute the actors knowledge of or agreement with what I've written.
Word Count: 1150
A/N: Written in my Firefly AU.
Many, many thanks out to canciona for betaing, and especially for the suggestion that made this much better than what I started out with. Also thanks to dicorvo for the spot checks! ♥
While this has been betaed, I am a compulsive tinkerer and any mistakes are my own.
My lyrics were:
Oh, dirty Maggie Mae, they have taken her away
and she'll never walk down Lime Street anymore
from Maggie Mae
Even as William woke, his mind was searching, instinctively reaching out for reassurance in the wake of his dream. He found only silence. He curled tighter into himself, away from Dominic, needing the brush of a mind more than physical comfort. Desperate and half-ashamed, he sent out a plea to Viggo, but there was no answer. He hadn’t really expected one. Viggo had informed him before they’d departed with Captain Reynolds that there could be no further contact between them once William and Dominic left his compound, but being without the familiar mental presence was agonizing. His hands curled into fists as a wave of intense emotion washed over him - loneliness, sadness, emptiness. Viggo had been the last person with whom William could properly share his mind-self, the last person who knew what it was to have been a part of the Otherworld; who knew the anguish of losing such an integral part of oneself. To go from being surrounded by the soothing mental buzz of the Others to this nothingness - his life had only been bearable because of Viggo. What was he to do now? He could feel himself begin to sink into despair and he turned his mind back to the dream.
It had been a memory of the day his father had sent him away. The suns had shone a muted orange and pink over the purple smudges of the distant Thraxan Barrier. The tall red babritch trees had been in full bloom, their black and yellow flowers rustling in the gentle breeze. That same wind had insistently tugged strands of his unruly hair from beneath his circlet. He’d felt a brush of warm affection in his mind and had turned his head, catching a glimpse of the taller sandy-haired man coming up behind him. They’d had words - William wanted to stay despite the unrest beyond the Barrier, but his father had firmly put his foot down on the matter. William and his sisters were to be sent away for the duration of the Change, as it was being called; the dissolution of the Lesser Kingdoms and the construction of a new government, each province sending representation over which William’s father, as High King, would preside. As Crown Prince, William wanted to be involved to show that this would last, that it was a change supported by the next generation of ruling Family as well as the current one. When he’d looked into his father’s light blue eyes, he’d seen the fear, but knew that he had no choice but to follow his father’s dictate; to disobey a direct mind-mouth order from the High King was punishable by death. A sense of resignation had settled over him. He’d looked back then, his eyes sweeping across the spectacular view as if to memorize every detail, to burn this image of his home into his brain so that he would never forget where he came from.
He allowed his anger at his father’s decision to send him away to surge through him. Better anger than despair - anger would fuel his need to find answers, keep him going when there didn’t seem to be any other reason for doing so. He soaked it in, let it fill him, lift him and carry him past the gaping hole that threatened to overwhelm him.
William felt the sudden press of Dominic’s chest against his back and the vibration of the low rumble Dominic made from deep in his throat. He knew it was the closest his companion could come to the soothing sound William often made when Dominic was upset or injured. Without the accompanying mental reassurance, though, William felt himself dragged back toward the despair. He grabbed onto his anger and pulled it back around him like a blanket.
He rolled to face Dominic. The faint light coming from under the Serenity’s prison hold door illuminated the much beloved features of his longtime companion.
“I dreamt of my father sending me away,” he said grimly.
“He did what he felt he had to do in order to protect you, William,” Dominic replied quietly as he reached out to pull William to him, gently stroking the bare skin of his back and shoulders.
It was the same response Dominic had given every other time, and had William still been in Viggo’s compound and had access to mental comfort, it probably would have been enough to calm him. Now, it only drew attention to the missing part of him.
“He sent me from my home and my family. He took away my entrance to the Otherworld. He took away my life.” William’s voice shook with the force of his anger and pain.
“He wanted you to survive,” Dominic said, low and forceful. The hand that cupped the back of William’s head, though, was gentle.
William knew his companion didn’t, couldn’t, understand what he was going through. He could understand, on an intellectual level, the idea of the Otherworld and the concept of melding consciousnesses when William explained it, but he would never grasp the fusion of emotions, the dissolution of mental and emotional barriers, the bonding that resulted, nor the horror of having it taken away. He could still remember how devastated he’d been when Viggo had explained to him that the distance was too great to travel without the babritch spores in the air to enhance the telepathic gateway. He’d been able to stand the burden only because of Viggo’s own experience with the loss of the Otherworld. The fact that the man had still lived had given William hope that he, too, would be able to push past the loss eventually. Now, though…
“Like this? Cut off from everything and everyone that could possibly fill this emptiness?”
“Is there no one?” William heard and felt Dominic’s flash of hurt as he spoke the words. “I thought Viggo…“
“He is gone from me. I am…alone.” William’s voice broke on the last word as he fought the despair again.
Dominic’s eyes closed, but held nothing back, and even in the absence of the mental and spiritual bond that he craved, William knew, in that moment, exactly what Dominic was feeling - love, distress that he couldn’t provide the mental comfort William needed, anxiety over their situation and stark pain at William’s choice of words. Dominic grabbed William and pulled him closer, holding him so tightly it hurt.
Never alone, William. Not so long as I live, I swear it.
Shame washed over William, momentarily overshadowing his pain. True, his companion couldn’t share every aspect of his life, but he did the best he could, and he deserved no less from William. He sighed deeply, pushing away both the anger and the despair, and focusing instead on his love for the man who held him so securely. He kissed Dominic’s shoulder, then his neck, a silent apology.
Dominic bent his head and pressed his lips to William’s nape, accepting it.