my need to be loved...but by you
ive thought about this alot, desperate hrs of crying, leaving scars on my heart, making me colder and colder. but only on the inside. my outward appearance is happy, and im so confused about why, i feel like im spinning or maybe im standing stil and everything else is moving so fast, and no one will let me catch up, as soon as i take a moment to me...something else spins out of control...and it all started w/ u, or maybe it was w/ losing you... i was so hapy, so content just to be w/ u, then i lost it and it wasnt anything you or i did, just circumstances. and for a long time i felt lost like a piece of me is gone and i cant get it bak. i thought i had come to terms w/ it and was finally ok, but then u tel me how u stil love me, and i say i luv u bak...but im not sure anymore...yes i am...i thought i was just scared to let myself love you that much again. i never want to need a person like that again. but then again i do i want to have a love so great that it hurts. Tonight i heard a question from someone: do i realy love her or do i just need to love her...thats wut set this off, all these questions running through my head, i know, or think i know how much i love you, but now theres that doubt, i try to believe w/ everything i have that our love wasnt a lie, that it wuz real, but im not sure and if i cant be sure on the one thing that made me whole. i cant be sure about anything. i need to stop running, but im not sure i can, im to much like 'her' i need to find someone to be my barrier, but not to hold me down...so maybe barriers the wrong word, i need someone to fly w/ me, just to make sure i dont get tired and fall, fall and hit the ground. and i need that to be you, but then again i need it not to be...i wish i could do this on my own not need or want, and never have to feel my heart shatter into a thousand tears. if i ever again let myself love, even to the point it hurts, i have to start loving myself, so i can let someone love me...