First Therapy Session
I spent all night tuesday being worried about my upcoming therapy appointment. It is not covered under OHIP so it costs $150 a session and I was worried about it being a waste of money (even though my parents told me not to worry about that) and that it wouldn't help. I had a major anxiety attack in the AM and was like two hours late for work because I was so upset. My appointment was at seven and I was so nervous, I got my parents to drive me there and wait until I went in.
Dr Magdar knew that I was nervous and I told her right away about how I had a negative experience in the past (the CBT I did at Mac for my anxiety about not being with Gord/Travelling) and I was afraid she would judge me. She told me that she was not there to do that at all and if I ever felt she was, i was to call her out on it and her feelings wouldn't be hurt (I have a tendency to want everyone to like me and be a little too accommodating).
She asked me about my past and I just told her like the past four years in pretty sequential detail and she listened and took notes. We then talked about how I am still in mourning about Dr X and how I often talk about myself in negative ways without even knowing it.
She said something really interesting to me. "What is the difference between a stubborn person and a tenacious person? They both know what they want, don;t waver from their beliefs and stick to their guns. The difference is that one is a negative way of describing someone (stubborn) and the other is a neutral way". I need to learn how to describe myself in neutral ways. For example, not "I am an over-talker" but "I need to have closure and reach conclusions".
She gave me the name of a workbook called "Mind over Mood" and I have to read four chapters before I see her again next monday. I liked that. Maybe because its the teacher in me or something, but I like having goals and that is being proactive instead of me just sitting here thinking. I'm going to get the book after work today.
I told Melissa about my experience and she said, "you know what? that is the first positive thing you have said in a long time!". So hopefully the combination of this and my cipralex meds will sort me out and get me back to the person I was four months ago. The person who was happy and hopeful for the world. Not this uncertain, terrifed, sad, worried shell of my former self.
Dr Magdar knew that I was nervous and I told her right away about how I had a negative experience in the past (the CBT I did at Mac for my anxiety about not being with Gord/Travelling) and I was afraid she would judge me. She told me that she was not there to do that at all and if I ever felt she was, i was to call her out on it and her feelings wouldn't be hurt (I have a tendency to want everyone to like me and be a little too accommodating).
She asked me about my past and I just told her like the past four years in pretty sequential detail and she listened and took notes. We then talked about how I am still in mourning about Dr X and how I often talk about myself in negative ways without even knowing it.
She said something really interesting to me. "What is the difference between a stubborn person and a tenacious person? They both know what they want, don;t waver from their beliefs and stick to their guns. The difference is that one is a negative way of describing someone (stubborn) and the other is a neutral way". I need to learn how to describe myself in neutral ways. For example, not "I am an over-talker" but "I need to have closure and reach conclusions".
She gave me the name of a workbook called "Mind over Mood" and I have to read four chapters before I see her again next monday. I liked that. Maybe because its the teacher in me or something, but I like having goals and that is being proactive instead of me just sitting here thinking. I'm going to get the book after work today.
I told Melissa about my experience and she said, "you know what? that is the first positive thing you have said in a long time!". So hopefully the combination of this and my cipralex meds will sort me out and get me back to the person I was four months ago. The person who was happy and hopeful for the world. Not this uncertain, terrifed, sad, worried shell of my former self.