(no subject)
So I was at Ikea yesterday with feybles buying my gf's xmas gift. On the way back to the car, we were walking with our trolley behind a woman and her young teen daughter struggling with a full trolley and a full flatbed trolley full of flat-pack. Of course the way I was raised said "help", so I asked them if they wanted a hand. After a little shock, the mother acquiesced gratefully, and I helped her get the heavy items into her car. It wasn't a bother for me (for those who are unaware, I used to lift weights, and even though I'm a lot less fit and a lot fatter now, I'm still pretty fuckin strong) and she would have had a hell of a time by herself.
Thankfully there was no indignant "You think I can't do it because I'm female". Yes that has happened to me before. There was just a look of intense relief and profuse thanks.
Then she asked if I wanted any money for helping her.
I swear I stood there for a full 5 seconds just dumbfounded. Have we, as a society, sunk so low that we have come to a point where people only understand "I'll help you if you give me something"? What the hell happened to helping someone BECAUSE THEY NEED HELP? I was raised to believe in altruism as an end unto itself. You don't do it because it feels good to do it. You don't do it with the expectation of a reward. You help someone out because they need help, and you have the capability to provide it. In this case, there were two obviously struggling ladies, and a guy following them who has muscles big enough that he had trouble finding clothes that fit BEFORE he got fat.
The expectation these days is that I would have ignored their problem and gone on my merry way. There would have been no retribution for such. It's so ingrained now that you don't go out of your way for anyone, because it's dangerous, or they might try to take advantage of you, or they might be violent psychos or whatever (most of which I believe are just excuses for "I'm to entitled/lazy to consider the needs of others", but that's another story). I could have walked on. But ethically I couldn't, and I'm glad of that.
I would prefer to get told off occasionally by a feminist for holding a door or offering a helping hand than to let someone who would appreciate the help go ignored. I consider it a personal mission to prove that chivalry is NOT dead; that the word "gentleman" is a compound of "gentle" and "man". I believe that the world would be a kinder, more tolerant place if people just thought of others a little more. If you're walking out of a store and you notice someone coming out behind you, it takes zero effort to hold that door for one second so they can follow you out, and that could be what makes their day. It takes little effort to see someone with a lot of shopping trying to make it to their car or the bus and to offer to assist them (hell I walked one woman all the way home with her shopping). It takes no effort to say "please" and "thank you" to a store clerk, but I can tell you from someone who's worked in customer service most of his life that we bloody well appreciate it. It adds about 2 seconds to your trip to let someone into your lane who needs to get into it. I could go on.
We've forgotten that everyone around us is a person. A human being just like us. Yes, I'm very publicly misanthropic, and I believe in the PTerry equation (the intelligence of a mob is equal to the IQ of the dumbest member divided by the number of members), but that doesn't prevent me from expressing common decency, BECAUSE IT COSTS ME NOTHING TO DO SO. More and more the current generations (and this started with the baby boomers, so i'm not just saying "kids these days") are being taught that there is nothing more important than the self, and that they are entitled. To everything. From everyone. And to get angry and indignant and even sue anyone who doesn't give it to them.
That's bullshit. I was raised to walk a mile. I was raised to be polite to those who are giving their time and energy towards serving my needs, whether they're getting paid for it or not. I was raised to give what I can to assist those I can.
It has never cost me a cent (well...aside from charity donations and buying homeless kids a meal, but that doesn't count - money volunteered has no cost to you), and I fully believe that it has, and continues to, make me a better person.
Chivalry isn't dead while I breathe.
T
Postscript: In the end, the mother and daughter both thanked me for my help, and wished me a very merry christmas. I felt no need to explain to them that as a non-christian and misanthrope, I dislike christmas. My agenda and my opinions were not the point of the conversation. She was offering me well wishes, and I appreciated that.
I wished her merry christmas right back, and also a safe drive home.
This is another point of mine: If someone says something like "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Easter" or even "You look very beautiful in that", or offers you a ride or an escort home or to wherever you're going because it's late at night, don't feel it necessary to then get offended and/or explain at length why they're a tool of the corporations/government/FBI/Illuminati or that they're espousing and propogating gender/racial/sexual stereotypes or whatever sociopolitical placard you happen to wave. Chances are that they are only trying to be a good person, and extend kindness to those around them, whether friend or stranger. They don't mean to belittle you or offend you. Most people who wish to offend you are very calculated and direct about it. They are expressing in THEIR language their regard and respect for you. Take it as such. You'll cause less stress and fewer ulcers all round. You can soapbox to your friends or on the intertubes. That's what it's there for.
By getting in their face, all you do is reduce the number of people in the world willing to express the better parts of human nature to others, and further the self-entitled, arrogant and self-centred outlook that's destroying what little social cohesion western society had in the first place.
Now I'm going to make some angry music and drink tea and talk about how Generation Y don't know REAL life.
/Postscript
Thankfully there was no indignant "You think I can't do it because I'm female". Yes that has happened to me before. There was just a look of intense relief and profuse thanks.
Then she asked if I wanted any money for helping her.
I swear I stood there for a full 5 seconds just dumbfounded. Have we, as a society, sunk so low that we have come to a point where people only understand "I'll help you if you give me something"? What the hell happened to helping someone BECAUSE THEY NEED HELP? I was raised to believe in altruism as an end unto itself. You don't do it because it feels good to do it. You don't do it with the expectation of a reward. You help someone out because they need help, and you have the capability to provide it. In this case, there were two obviously struggling ladies, and a guy following them who has muscles big enough that he had trouble finding clothes that fit BEFORE he got fat.
The expectation these days is that I would have ignored their problem and gone on my merry way. There would have been no retribution for such. It's so ingrained now that you don't go out of your way for anyone, because it's dangerous, or they might try to take advantage of you, or they might be violent psychos or whatever (most of which I believe are just excuses for "I'm to entitled/lazy to consider the needs of others", but that's another story). I could have walked on. But ethically I couldn't, and I'm glad of that.
I would prefer to get told off occasionally by a feminist for holding a door or offering a helping hand than to let someone who would appreciate the help go ignored. I consider it a personal mission to prove that chivalry is NOT dead; that the word "gentleman" is a compound of "gentle" and "man". I believe that the world would be a kinder, more tolerant place if people just thought of others a little more. If you're walking out of a store and you notice someone coming out behind you, it takes zero effort to hold that door for one second so they can follow you out, and that could be what makes their day. It takes little effort to see someone with a lot of shopping trying to make it to their car or the bus and to offer to assist them (hell I walked one woman all the way home with her shopping). It takes no effort to say "please" and "thank you" to a store clerk, but I can tell you from someone who's worked in customer service most of his life that we bloody well appreciate it. It adds about 2 seconds to your trip to let someone into your lane who needs to get into it. I could go on.
We've forgotten that everyone around us is a person. A human being just like us. Yes, I'm very publicly misanthropic, and I believe in the PTerry equation (the intelligence of a mob is equal to the IQ of the dumbest member divided by the number of members), but that doesn't prevent me from expressing common decency, BECAUSE IT COSTS ME NOTHING TO DO SO. More and more the current generations (and this started with the baby boomers, so i'm not just saying "kids these days") are being taught that there is nothing more important than the self, and that they are entitled. To everything. From everyone. And to get angry and indignant and even sue anyone who doesn't give it to them.
That's bullshit. I was raised to walk a mile. I was raised to be polite to those who are giving their time and energy towards serving my needs, whether they're getting paid for it or not. I was raised to give what I can to assist those I can.
It has never cost me a cent (well...aside from charity donations and buying homeless kids a meal, but that doesn't count - money volunteered has no cost to you), and I fully believe that it has, and continues to, make me a better person.
Chivalry isn't dead while I breathe.
T
Postscript: In the end, the mother and daughter both thanked me for my help, and wished me a very merry christmas. I felt no need to explain to them that as a non-christian and misanthrope, I dislike christmas. My agenda and my opinions were not the point of the conversation. She was offering me well wishes, and I appreciated that.
I wished her merry christmas right back, and also a safe drive home.
This is another point of mine: If someone says something like "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Easter" or even "You look very beautiful in that", or offers you a ride or an escort home or to wherever you're going because it's late at night, don't feel it necessary to then get offended and/or explain at length why they're a tool of the corporations/government/FBI/Illuminati or that they're espousing and propogating gender/racial/sexual stereotypes or whatever sociopolitical placard you happen to wave. Chances are that they are only trying to be a good person, and extend kindness to those around them, whether friend or stranger. They don't mean to belittle you or offend you. Most people who wish to offend you are very calculated and direct about it. They are expressing in THEIR language their regard and respect for you. Take it as such. You'll cause less stress and fewer ulcers all round. You can soapbox to your friends or on the intertubes. That's what it's there for.
By getting in their face, all you do is reduce the number of people in the world willing to express the better parts of human nature to others, and further the self-entitled, arrogant and self-centred outlook that's destroying what little social cohesion western society had in the first place.
Now I'm going to make some angry music and drink tea and talk about how Generation Y don't know REAL life.
/Postscript