Aug 30, 2021 - Vegas Mishap (FR-13)
Aug 30, 2021 - Vegas Mishap (FR-13)
Author: mmooch
Summary: Buffy really shouldn’t drink anymore.
Crossover: MCU
Rating: FR-13
Word count: 1402
Warning: drunken behavior
Challenge: for the livejournal 2021 August Fic-a-Day Challenge
Timeline: Iron Man for MCU; post-series for BtVS
A/N: I meant to write something else tonight, but this is what came out instead.
Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. MCU characters belongs to Marvel et al. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.
Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas
Tony blinked painfully against the dim lights coming through the drapes. God, he didn’t expect to drink that much the night before, but when he found out that by blowing off the awards ceremony, he was also blowing off Rhodey, he spiraled in his self-loathing. One of these times, he was going to succeed in driving his best friend away.
He sighed, trying to remember what it was he was supposed to do today. When he ran his hand over his face, though, he noticed a certain piece of jewelry he knew wasn’t there the day before. Oh god, Pepper and Obie were going to kill him!
Turning over, he looked at the sleeping form of his young - hopefully not jailbait young, although he wasn’t positive about that - bride. Blonde, rather petite based on the outline under the sheets and very pretty. ‘Please don’t be a hooker! Please don’t be a hooker! Please don’t be a hooker! Or a reporter!’ he thought to himself.
“Not so loud,” she groaned, burying her head further into her pillow. Oh shit, did he say that out loud?
Suddenly, her body froze, and she carefully turned her head to peek out at him. “Oh crap!” she hissed softly. Huh, he generally didn’t cause that kind of reaction in his bedmates; call him vain, but he was proud of the fact that they enjoyed being with him. He could see her moving her hands under the covers and whimpered when she found out that she was naked - or he assumed that’s what caused her to be uneasy.
“Can you get me my clothes or a robe or something, please?” she asked plaintively.
“I’m just as naked as you,” he pointed out with a hint of snarkiness. He wanted to see what kind of woman he apparently married.
She snorted and shot back, “Yeah, but there aren’t naked pictures of me on the internet, so unless you remember last night better than I do, you don’t know what I look like without clothes on.”
“Sassy!” he said with a grin. “I like it!” It surprised him a little that when he got out of the bed, she averted her eyes, especially since she just admitted to knowing that there were nude shots of him out in the public. “Don’t you want to see your hubby naked?” he teased.
That made her forget her nudity and hangover immediately. She sat straight up and glared at him. “What did you just say?”
“Look at your left hand,” he suggested, turning his head so she wouldn’t get angrier when she remembered she was flashing him.
Seeing the boulder on her finger, she muttered, “I am so going to kill Xander and Dawn…and Faith!”
“What did they do?” he asked, tossing her a robe, which she instantly put on.
Once she felt decent again, she explained, “Dawn’s my baby sister and she eloped last night with Xander, which made me feel old maidy and doomed to be alone forever. Faith - who’s also married - dared me to ask you to dance, and after a few shots of tequila, I did…and apparently there was more alcohol involved because here we are and…we have to get rid of this!” she demanded.
“I have to admit, not the reaction I expected from my first wife,” Tony confessed in bemusement. He figured he’d have to buy her off to get rid of her…and keep her mouth shut.
“I can’t be married to Tony Stark!” she insisted, starting to make him feel bad about himself.
“Don’t like being Mrs. Merchant of Death?” he retorted with a hint of bitterness.
That confused her. “Merchant of Death? What are you talking about?” she didn’t give him a chance to answer before she continued, “You are like the most public of public figures and I can’t be in the spotlight. Spotlight and Buffy are not a good combo!”
Well, that was understandable; sometimes he hated the fishbowl he lived in as well. “Don’t worry about it. I can get one of my lawyers to handle the annulment faster than you can say ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,’” he promised.
“Even though we…” she waved her hand at the bed, “…did that?”
He looked horrified, “Please don’t tell me you were a virgin!”
“What? No! I’m just not comfortable talking about it with a stranger, even one who’s my husband,” Buffy assured him. “So, what do we need to do so this this never happened?”
“I’ll call my personal lawyer, but I’m guessing a couple blood tests will prove we weren’t of sound mind.”
“Um, about that, we’d better hurry on those tests because I happen to metabolize alcohol really, really fast,” Buffy warned him. “I obviously can get drunk, but it doesn’t take long for me to pass through the hangover portion.”
“Okay, why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll call my lawyer and we’ll see where we go from here,” Tony offered, somewhat jealous of her ability not to suffer hangovers as long as he did.
The attorney assured him that as long as Buffy - he’d have to find out her last name - didn’t contest the annulment, it should still be an easy fix. In a couple months, he’d be a free man again. He could hold out that long…maybe. The attorney strongly emphasized that he needed to try - or at least not get caught - or Buffy could sue him for a divorce instead and get a huge payout.
As soon as he hung up, the phone rang again, and he cursed under his breath when he saw it was Pepper. How did she find out already? “Hey, Pep! What’s new?” he asked in a carefree manner, hoping to bluff his way out of the situation.
“Where are you?” she yelled. “You’re supposed to be at Edwards, getting on a plane with Rhodey to Afghanistan!”
“The demonstration,” he murmured, finally remembering where he was supposed to be.
“Yes, the demonstration,” she scolded. “How long until you can get there?”
“I’m still in Vegas,” he admitted, grateful that she didn’t know the extent of his screwup…yet.
Pepper let out a heavy sigh and said, “I’ll get them to stop at the airport there and pick you up. Please don’t be late again.”
“You got it; see you when I get back,” Tony answered, hanging up before she could ask any more questions about why he was still in Vegas.
“We’re good to go on the annulment?” Buffy asked, surprising him.
“How did you get cleaned up so quickly?” he asked. Despite the damp hair, she looked fairly put-together.
“It’s my superpower,” she quipped.
“By the way, what’s your last name?”
Smirking, she responded, “Stark, of course. Just kidding, it’s Summers.”
“Nice to meet you, Buffy Summers. My lawyer assures me that as long as neither of us fights this, it will be over in a couple months, tops.”
“Thank god. No offense, but I’d rather not be married because of a drunken one-night stand,” she said, pulling on her boots. She found her purse and pulled out a card to hand to him. “My information.”
“I don’t like being handed things,” he blurted out instinctively.
She tilted her head as she thought about it and nodded, laying the card on the end table. “I can see why.”
Her easy acceptance shocked him. “Really? Even my friends think I make too big a deal about it at times.”
“Letting somebody get close enough hand something to you means they are close enough to grab you or hurt you. It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you,” she added wisely.
He glanced at her card and wasn’t too surprised to see personal security as her job title. She sounded just like Happy when she said that, and he was the only one who encouraged his aversion. “I have to go now; sorta late for a weapons thing. I’ll call you when the lawyer has more information.”
“Good luck. I hope the stuff that’s supposed to blow up blows up,” she joked. “Then again, it’s you, so I’m sure it will.”
“Thanks,” he replied, getting a little boost to his ego that she seemed genuine in her admiration for his work. “Glad my first wife wasn’t a pacifist.”
“Glad my first husband wasn’t evil,” she threw over her shoulder as she left the room.
A/N: Wanted to go cracky, but Musie didn’t cooperate again! Stubborn bitch!
Author: mmooch
Summary: Buffy really shouldn’t drink anymore.
Crossover: MCU
Rating: FR-13
Word count: 1402
Warning: drunken behavior
Challenge: for the livejournal 2021 August Fic-a-Day Challenge
Timeline: Iron Man for MCU; post-series for BtVS
A/N: I meant to write something else tonight, but this is what came out instead.
Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. MCU characters belongs to Marvel et al. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.
Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas
Tony blinked painfully against the dim lights coming through the drapes. God, he didn’t expect to drink that much the night before, but when he found out that by blowing off the awards ceremony, he was also blowing off Rhodey, he spiraled in his self-loathing. One of these times, he was going to succeed in driving his best friend away.
He sighed, trying to remember what it was he was supposed to do today. When he ran his hand over his face, though, he noticed a certain piece of jewelry he knew wasn’t there the day before. Oh god, Pepper and Obie were going to kill him!
Turning over, he looked at the sleeping form of his young - hopefully not jailbait young, although he wasn’t positive about that - bride. Blonde, rather petite based on the outline under the sheets and very pretty. ‘Please don’t be a hooker! Please don’t be a hooker! Please don’t be a hooker! Or a reporter!’ he thought to himself.
“Not so loud,” she groaned, burying her head further into her pillow. Oh shit, did he say that out loud?
Suddenly, her body froze, and she carefully turned her head to peek out at him. “Oh crap!” she hissed softly. Huh, he generally didn’t cause that kind of reaction in his bedmates; call him vain, but he was proud of the fact that they enjoyed being with him. He could see her moving her hands under the covers and whimpered when she found out that she was naked - or he assumed that’s what caused her to be uneasy.
“Can you get me my clothes or a robe or something, please?” she asked plaintively.
“I’m just as naked as you,” he pointed out with a hint of snarkiness. He wanted to see what kind of woman he apparently married.
She snorted and shot back, “Yeah, but there aren’t naked pictures of me on the internet, so unless you remember last night better than I do, you don’t know what I look like without clothes on.”
“Sassy!” he said with a grin. “I like it!” It surprised him a little that when he got out of the bed, she averted her eyes, especially since she just admitted to knowing that there were nude shots of him out in the public. “Don’t you want to see your hubby naked?” he teased.
That made her forget her nudity and hangover immediately. She sat straight up and glared at him. “What did you just say?”
“Look at your left hand,” he suggested, turning his head so she wouldn’t get angrier when she remembered she was flashing him.
Seeing the boulder on her finger, she muttered, “I am so going to kill Xander and Dawn…and Faith!”
“What did they do?” he asked, tossing her a robe, which she instantly put on.
Once she felt decent again, she explained, “Dawn’s my baby sister and she eloped last night with Xander, which made me feel old maidy and doomed to be alone forever. Faith - who’s also married - dared me to ask you to dance, and after a few shots of tequila, I did…and apparently there was more alcohol involved because here we are and…we have to get rid of this!” she demanded.
“I have to admit, not the reaction I expected from my first wife,” Tony confessed in bemusement. He figured he’d have to buy her off to get rid of her…and keep her mouth shut.
“I can’t be married to Tony Stark!” she insisted, starting to make him feel bad about himself.
“Don’t like being Mrs. Merchant of Death?” he retorted with a hint of bitterness.
That confused her. “Merchant of Death? What are you talking about?” she didn’t give him a chance to answer before she continued, “You are like the most public of public figures and I can’t be in the spotlight. Spotlight and Buffy are not a good combo!”
Well, that was understandable; sometimes he hated the fishbowl he lived in as well. “Don’t worry about it. I can get one of my lawyers to handle the annulment faster than you can say ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,’” he promised.
“Even though we…” she waved her hand at the bed, “…did that?”
He looked horrified, “Please don’t tell me you were a virgin!”
“What? No! I’m just not comfortable talking about it with a stranger, even one who’s my husband,” Buffy assured him. “So, what do we need to do so this this never happened?”
“I’ll call my personal lawyer, but I’m guessing a couple blood tests will prove we weren’t of sound mind.”
“Um, about that, we’d better hurry on those tests because I happen to metabolize alcohol really, really fast,” Buffy warned him. “I obviously can get drunk, but it doesn’t take long for me to pass through the hangover portion.”
“Okay, why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll call my lawyer and we’ll see where we go from here,” Tony offered, somewhat jealous of her ability not to suffer hangovers as long as he did.
The attorney assured him that as long as Buffy - he’d have to find out her last name - didn’t contest the annulment, it should still be an easy fix. In a couple months, he’d be a free man again. He could hold out that long…maybe. The attorney strongly emphasized that he needed to try - or at least not get caught - or Buffy could sue him for a divorce instead and get a huge payout.
As soon as he hung up, the phone rang again, and he cursed under his breath when he saw it was Pepper. How did she find out already? “Hey, Pep! What’s new?” he asked in a carefree manner, hoping to bluff his way out of the situation.
“Where are you?” she yelled. “You’re supposed to be at Edwards, getting on a plane with Rhodey to Afghanistan!”
“The demonstration,” he murmured, finally remembering where he was supposed to be.
“Yes, the demonstration,” she scolded. “How long until you can get there?”
“I’m still in Vegas,” he admitted, grateful that she didn’t know the extent of his screwup…yet.
Pepper let out a heavy sigh and said, “I’ll get them to stop at the airport there and pick you up. Please don’t be late again.”
“You got it; see you when I get back,” Tony answered, hanging up before she could ask any more questions about why he was still in Vegas.
“We’re good to go on the annulment?” Buffy asked, surprising him.
“How did you get cleaned up so quickly?” he asked. Despite the damp hair, she looked fairly put-together.
“It’s my superpower,” she quipped.
“By the way, what’s your last name?”
Smirking, she responded, “Stark, of course. Just kidding, it’s Summers.”
“Nice to meet you, Buffy Summers. My lawyer assures me that as long as neither of us fights this, it will be over in a couple months, tops.”
“Thank god. No offense, but I’d rather not be married because of a drunken one-night stand,” she said, pulling on her boots. She found her purse and pulled out a card to hand to him. “My information.”
“I don’t like being handed things,” he blurted out instinctively.
She tilted her head as she thought about it and nodded, laying the card on the end table. “I can see why.”
Her easy acceptance shocked him. “Really? Even my friends think I make too big a deal about it at times.”
“Letting somebody get close enough hand something to you means they are close enough to grab you or hurt you. It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you,” she added wisely.
He glanced at her card and wasn’t too surprised to see personal security as her job title. She sounded just like Happy when she said that, and he was the only one who encouraged his aversion. “I have to go now; sorta late for a weapons thing. I’ll call you when the lawyer has more information.”
“Good luck. I hope the stuff that’s supposed to blow up blows up,” she joked. “Then again, it’s you, so I’m sure it will.”
“Thanks,” he replied, getting a little boost to his ego that she seemed genuine in her admiration for his work. “Glad my first wife wasn’t a pacifist.”
“Glad my first husband wasn’t evil,” she threw over her shoulder as she left the room.
A/N: Wanted to go cracky, but Musie didn’t cooperate again! Stubborn bitch!