Aug 28: In the Key of Q
Title: In the Key of Q
Author: Vashti tvashti
Fandom: Star Trek, BtVS
Character(s): Buffy, Dawn, Q, Giles
Rating: PG/FR-13
Summary: "Hello again to you, too, Buffy," Q gasped.
Length: ~2,750 words
Disclaimer: Only the words are mine, and that’s probably up for philosophical debate.
Notes: This was mostly written on my phone so the typos might be egregious. Mods, please see the end notes before gently raking me over the coals.
"Finally! Do you know how long I've been looking for you, young lady?" an irritated male voice said close behind Buffy and Dawn. Not that it really registered. They'd been in this mall outside Cleveland for hours. They'd hard some variation of those words in nearly every store they'd gone into, separately or together. Giles had even said it over the phone while they were in Victoria's Secret...at least until he'd learned they were in Victoria's Secret.
When the owner of the irritated voice put his hand on Dawn's shoulder and spun her around, that's when it registered. Especially when, half a second later Dawn and the stranger disappeared in a vertical burst of light and sound.
Shock and fear painted Buffy's face -- quickly replaced by realization.
"*Q*!"
*~*~*
Giles looked up from the tome he was studying. "You said you've seen this demon before, correct?"
Buffy nodded as she played with Mr. Pointy. (Not for the first time she wondered what Kendra would have thought about this latest misadventure.) "Except he swears he's not a demon. According to him--"
"I'm too vast for your tiny human imagination," Q said for himself seconds after appearing in a vertical burst of white light.
Buffy was on him in an instant, forcing him back into the nearest wall.
"Hello again to you, too, Buffy," Q gasped.
"Where's my little sister?"
"No airy, no talkie."
"No Dawnie, no live-y," she said airily, pressing harder on Q's throat.
"Not...related...to folks named...Sisko...are you?"
Buffy frowned.
"No? Oh...well." Then the demon Buffy knew as Q snapped his fingers, disappearing in a flash of light.
And appearing on the other side of the room.
Snarling, Buffy spun around and launched herself at him.
Which sent Q into uproarious laughter. And got him an angry Slayer a breath from knocking him out before he could snap her into immobility.
Q turned wide eyes on Giles. "What have you been feeding this girl?"
"Were it not that we need you to learn Dawn's location I'd happily feed her your head on a platter," Giles said, calmly polishing his glasses then putting them aside. "Perhaps afterwards."
Q gaped at him as well, clutching at the ostentatious pearls suddenly circling his neck. Then the horrified look melted, the pearls flashing away. "And Jean-Luc wonders why I put your species on trial," Q said, a knowing smirk on his face.
Buffy twitched.
Rolling his eyes and looking thoroughly aggrieved, Q drawled, "Someone's not playing fair."
"You're one to talk." A vertical flash of brilliant green light and suddenly Dawn was standing equidistant from her sister and the arrogant demon, and out of reach of both.
"Dawn," Giles breathed. "Are you all right, my dear?"
Her bored expression melted into something tender and far more sincere. "Yeah, Giles. I'm great."
"This...this Q hasn't caused you harm, has he?"
"As if," Dawn said, eyes rolling so hard it had to have hurt, even as Q gasped in genuine horror, "I would never!"
Buffy's clenched fist trembled but no one in the room was under any illusion that anything less than fury was the cause.
Turning his annoyance back on Dawn, Q pointed to the quivering Slayer. "*That* is cheating."
Dawn scoffed. "Like Q didn't write the book on cheating and interference. You especially."
Giles eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by 'You especially'?"
Her own eyes wide and as luminous as she could make them on short notice, she said, "What do you mean, 'What do you mean by "You especially"'?"
"Dawn! Why do I get the impression that there is something very important that you're withholding, young lady."
"Technically he's withholding it!" Dawn pointed at Q, who was closely observing Buffy as if she were a specimen in a museum without walls.
He glanced up only long enough to harrumph. Slowly circling the Slayer, he said, "Technically, my dear, *you* are the information being withhe--"
Q would have said more. Indeed he tried. There was just the small problem of Buffy's hand, once again, wrapped around his throat. It had shot it quick as a striking cobra as soon Q was close enough. No other part of her moved despite Q's scrabbling and spluttering.
"Dawn!" Giles snapped, putting his glasses back on for the first time since Q had appeared. "Amusing and gratifying though this may be, you *will* explain."
The snap and subsequent vertical flash of brilliant white light drew both their eyes to the now Q-less Buffy. The creature was once again across the room from Buffy, appearing even more annoyed if physically unharmed. "Yes, do! And renounce your claim on Little Miss Persistent while you're at it."
"Buffy's my sister, I will never again turn my back on her," Dawn said with cold certainty.
"Never *again*? And she's as much your sister as I am your child."
"I was young and self-centered and easily swayed by popular opinion," Dawn shot back, ignoring both her embarrassment and Q's second point.
"Young? Young!?" Q's laughter was mocking. "That's certainly rich, coming from an immortal entity." He quickly put up his hands. "Ah! I can already see the questions and accusations flying through your puny mortal minds, especially that one," he said gesturing to the still mostly-frozen Buffy. "And since someone refuses to do the honors, I suppose I have to."
"Yeah, because being the center of attention is *such* a hardship for you," Dawn muttered.
Q threw her a look that, had Buffy been able to see, she would have more than understood. Still giving the young woman a dirty look, he snapped his fingers.
When the invariable vertical flash of white light had cleared Buffy had joined their rough circle, still immobile albeit seated. "Now that we're all here, less get down to brass tacks, shall we? What a strange little saying... Why in the world would mortals want to-"
"Q!" came from several exasperated mouths including, to everyone's surprise, Buffy's.
"Don't go getting ideas, Slayer. It's just your face. You either, Key," he said turning a sharp eye on Dawn.
"Why did you take my sister?" Buffy growled. "For that matter, why did you come to the house that time?"
Giles startled. "Come to the house? The Slayer house? Why did you never tell us a demon--"
"I am *not* a demon!"
"--had approached you and Dawn."
"Because I couldn't remember," Buffy growled. "Not until he flashy thingied Dawn away from me at the mall today."
Q gave them a very Gallic shrug. "You were so very tetchy at our first meeting. I was worried for your heart. Mortals are so painfully fragile. Trust me, I know. Besides," he said, gesturing again towards Dawn, "I was there for *her*, not you. Annoying a Slayer isn't nearly as amusing as it sounds.
"Be that as it may!" Q said as he threw his hands up to stall the next round of questions and threats. "Only some of us in this room are immortal. For those of you dying by the moment, here's your proverbial 'Cliff Notes' edition. The being to know as your little sister is not actual flesh and blood but an omnipotent--"
"Semi-omnipotent," Dawn interrupted.
Q went on as if she hadn't spoken, "--omnipresent--"
"Again only semi, or did you not leave your newest space toy in a bind so they wouldn't notice that were taking care of business somewhere else?"
Throwing Dawn another dirty look, Q ground out, "--omniscient being."
"Seemingly-omniscient," Dawn said tartly, "otherwise it wouldn't have taken you this long to find me."
Q pointed an accusing finger in Dawn's direction. "How do you put up with...with...with that!?"
Buffy would have shrugged if she could. Instead she settled for saying, "She's my little sister. And our parents wouldn't let me trade her for a golden retriever puppy. You learn to deal."
Q gaped at the nonchalant Slayer as Giles pinched the bridge of his nose (he'd heard the tried to trade my little sister for a cute puppy story in detail). "You're not even kidding, are you?" There was a note of disturbed awe in Q's voice. "You attempted to give away one of the treasures of the universe in exchange for slobbering canid."
"Golden retriever don't slobber! I think. I'm pretty sure. What?" Buffy narrowed her eyes as Q continued to gape at her. "You don't have younger siblings, do you?"
"There's no such thing in the Continuum."
"Lucky you."
"Hey!"
"And now you know why I wanted to trade her for a puppy."
"You mean to say she's like this all the time?"
"Pretty much," Buffy said as Giles nodded, "Indeed."
"And...will she grows out of it."
"One hopes."
"Doubtful."
"Hey!"
"Well..." Buffy started in a conciliatory tone, "to be fair you're, like, way better now than you were when you were 13."
"Hey--" Dawn pursed her lips. "Okay that might be actually fair."
"This is better?" Q said, eyes wide.
"Sure," Buffy confirmed. "Giles? I think Dawn is way better than she was when she was a teenager, don't you?"
"Ye gods, yes."
"Giles!"
"Sorry, m'dear."
Arms crossed over her chest and pouting like the 13 year old she no longer was, "Just hand me over on a silver platter, why don't you."
"No!" Q's eyes were wide and frightened. "The Continuum can handle one Brat Prince. We'll break the multiverse if I take you back." Expression becoming less open, he added, "What will I play with then?"
Buffy's answering smile held a few too many teeth when she said, "I can make some suggestions."
"I swear you mortals are all the same, and Slayers are just worse. I can't wait for you to meet a Klingon. Not," he pointed a finger at Dawn, "this Slayer, but later in her line."
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a look that belied her age. "Like duh."
"I'll come back for you in, oh, 50 standard Terran years. I expect you to have gotten rid of this childish fixation you have with these humans."
"Ha! I will when you will." Dawn blew him a raspberry.
Which Q returned.
"Children! Enough!" Giles snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You, Q, I assume the enchantment on Buffy will disappear when you do."
"For the last time, I am not-- Oh forget it! Yes, yes, my 'evil enchantment' will end when I go away." Tossing one last glare at Dawn, he said, "Do enlighten them sometime this decade, hmm?" With that Q snapped his fingers and disappeared in a vertical flash of brilliant white light.
Buffy immediately shot out of her chair. She leapt the few steps to where Dawn was standing and squeezed her tight.
"Buffy! Ribs! Need those!"
Pulling away from her little sister, Buffy examined her quickly but thoroughly. "You're really okay."
"Witches honor," she said, wiggling her nose as she made the hands gesture from Bewitched.
Buffy snorted. "I'm telling on you to Willow."
Giles joined them, enfolding both young women in a paternal hug. Releasing them, he directed his words to Dawn when he said, "Alright young lady, no more misdirection. We were there for your childhood, real and created. We will not be so easily or handily redirected as that...that...chaos demon?"
He and Buffy looked at Dawn expectantly.
"Um, the world is weirder than you know?"
Giles sighed. "Dawn"
"Seriously, Dawnie," Buffy said, hands on her hips, "we know this story. I helped write the latest revision."
Dawn flapped her hands at them. "No, seriously. Remember how I'm there Key of the universe?"
"I don't think it's possible for us to forget, my dear," Giles said but it was clear that good patience was stretched thin.
"Okay, so first Q isn't a demon, he's an alien."
"Like little green men alien?"
"Obviously not."
"Hey I'm just trying to, like, get the differentiation."
Both Giles and Dawn stared at the Slayer.
"What? What'd I say?"
"Nothing, my dear. Do go on, Dawn. You say that this Q is an...an alien."
"Yeah. A world hopping, mischief making, good sleep ruining alien. I mean a few worlds *have* worshiped him as, like an evil god or general bringer of destruction, but he was just messing with them. For fun."
"For fun," Buffy repeated.
"Sometimes with a dash of justice."
"He sounds right up my slay alley."
"You can't. He's not eternal, but he is immortal, and so old he might as well be eternal. Him...and the rest of the Q."
Giles frowned. "Q is his, his species and not his name."
"Both."
"That's rather conceited."
"They're all called Q. And, to be fair, they're all rather conceited. Q, um our Q, is the only one that cares to actively involve himself in mortal affairs, though, so it's actually less confusing than you'd think," Dawn added with a nervous smile.
Giles gently pulled off his glasses, polished them, then replaced them before asking the obvious. "And how do you know so much about this Q and all the other Q and their...their whatever he called it."
"The Continuum."
"Yes that."
"Yeah, that," Buffy said, eyes narrowed and more obviously impatient for answers. "You still got some 'splainin to do, Dawnie."
"Um, yeah... Uh... That Key thing again? Okay, before I say, just know that I remembered all this stuff at the same time Buffy remembered that Q had visited us at the house a few months ago."
"...'Kay, now spill already."
"So, it would appear that I am less the Key to the universe the way a key opens a door, and more the Key to the universe the way a legend is the key to reading a map?"
"Ooookay," Buffy said as Giles made a 'go on' gesture, because it was clear from Dawn's unease that there was more.
"Specifically I'm the Key to the Continuum. And the Continuum is not just the name of a group of Q, or where they hang out. The Continuum is the Q and the Q are the Continuum. And it's also where they hang out," she added, gesturing lamely.
"A group of, how did you put it," Giles said, thinking, "semi-omnipotent, semi-omnipresent, seemingly-omniscient--"
"Which is the truthiest truth, but from a mortal point of view it's easy to see why different worlds have assumed they were gods or demons."
“-beings…created you? Your Key form, I mean.”
“Uh…no? I mean, I wouldn’t exist without them, but they didn’t make me. I, like, came with the package?”
“And they need you.”
“Not, like, actively. But to be, like, alive and stuff? Yeah, total needage.”
Buffy frowned. “So then what about Glory and the monks of Dagon?”
Dawn rolled her eyes as only she could have, pointing a fist towards the air. “*Someone* could have stepped in anytime to make that Glory thing a non-thing, but noooo. Too busy playing space-judge. I swear. As for the Monks of Dagon…” Here she glanced at Giles, as if to confirm her story. “Um, he was kinda a pagan god, severely lacking in monks, although he did have priests way back in the BCE.”
“What?” Now Buffy turned to Giles.
Who coughed delicately into his fist. “Yes, well, apparently there had been quite a bit of debate on who exactly the creators of the Key were and whether they were truly followers of a pagan fish-god best known for being, well, a merman, the god of fertility, and quite literally falling to pieces in the presence of the Ark of the Covenant.”
Both young women stared at him until he added, “Er, apparently most of the debaters either died by mysterious means or went mad, and so the debate has largely been left alone.”
Dawn turned to Buffy. “Yeah, so, we can totally end the debate. I’m not a fish baby. But I am still mystical! Mystically alien!”
“So,” Buffy drew the word out as she tried to summarize everything, “these, for lack of a better description, all-powerful, all-everywhere, all-knowing Q are aliens-“
“Uh huh.”
“Who are both a Continuum-“
“Yeah.”
“-and part of a Continuum.”
“Yeah.”
“Which I guess makes it all-everything, too.”
“I guess, but it’s way boring, so…”
“And you are the Key…the legend or whatever, to all of…that. Wouldn’t that sorta still make you the Key to the Universe.”
Dawn did a little ‘ta-da!’ dance. “Hello, I’ll be your brain-break for the afternoon. How can I break your brain today.”
Buffy’s face crumpled. “It’s not even Apocalypse season!”
In[Fin]ite
Note2: Before I am justifiably chastised for not tagging my work, I don't actually think this piece should be counted. Considering how long it took me to write, and how long it took me to post, and how people have busting their butts putting out amazing work within allotted timeframe, this work doesn't deserve to be counted with everyone else's. But I wrote this for you guys. Not that anyone asked for it, lol, but if not for the FAD this story probably wouldn't exist. Plus, September is the traditional time for editing & reposting ;)
Author: Vashti tvashti
Fandom: Star Trek, BtVS
Character(s): Buffy, Dawn, Q, Giles
Rating: PG/FR-13
Summary: "Hello again to you, too, Buffy," Q gasped.
Length: ~2,750 words
Disclaimer: Only the words are mine, and that’s probably up for philosophical debate.
Notes: This was mostly written on my phone so the typos might be egregious. Mods, please see the end notes before gently raking me over the coals.
"Finally! Do you know how long I've been looking for you, young lady?" an irritated male voice said close behind Buffy and Dawn. Not that it really registered. They'd been in this mall outside Cleveland for hours. They'd hard some variation of those words in nearly every store they'd gone into, separately or together. Giles had even said it over the phone while they were in Victoria's Secret...at least until he'd learned they were in Victoria's Secret.
When the owner of the irritated voice put his hand on Dawn's shoulder and spun her around, that's when it registered. Especially when, half a second later Dawn and the stranger disappeared in a vertical burst of light and sound.
Shock and fear painted Buffy's face -- quickly replaced by realization.
"*Q*!"
*~*~*
Giles looked up from the tome he was studying. "You said you've seen this demon before, correct?"
Buffy nodded as she played with Mr. Pointy. (Not for the first time she wondered what Kendra would have thought about this latest misadventure.) "Except he swears he's not a demon. According to him--"
"I'm too vast for your tiny human imagination," Q said for himself seconds after appearing in a vertical burst of white light.
Buffy was on him in an instant, forcing him back into the nearest wall.
"Hello again to you, too, Buffy," Q gasped.
"Where's my little sister?"
"No airy, no talkie."
"No Dawnie, no live-y," she said airily, pressing harder on Q's throat.
"Not...related...to folks named...Sisko...are you?"
Buffy frowned.
"No? Oh...well." Then the demon Buffy knew as Q snapped his fingers, disappearing in a flash of light.
And appearing on the other side of the room.
Snarling, Buffy spun around and launched herself at him.
Which sent Q into uproarious laughter. And got him an angry Slayer a breath from knocking him out before he could snap her into immobility.
Q turned wide eyes on Giles. "What have you been feeding this girl?"
"Were it not that we need you to learn Dawn's location I'd happily feed her your head on a platter," Giles said, calmly polishing his glasses then putting them aside. "Perhaps afterwards."
Q gaped at him as well, clutching at the ostentatious pearls suddenly circling his neck. Then the horrified look melted, the pearls flashing away. "And Jean-Luc wonders why I put your species on trial," Q said, a knowing smirk on his face.
Buffy twitched.
Rolling his eyes and looking thoroughly aggrieved, Q drawled, "Someone's not playing fair."
"You're one to talk." A vertical flash of brilliant green light and suddenly Dawn was standing equidistant from her sister and the arrogant demon, and out of reach of both.
"Dawn," Giles breathed. "Are you all right, my dear?"
Her bored expression melted into something tender and far more sincere. "Yeah, Giles. I'm great."
"This...this Q hasn't caused you harm, has he?"
"As if," Dawn said, eyes rolling so hard it had to have hurt, even as Q gasped in genuine horror, "I would never!"
Buffy's clenched fist trembled but no one in the room was under any illusion that anything less than fury was the cause.
Turning his annoyance back on Dawn, Q pointed to the quivering Slayer. "*That* is cheating."
Dawn scoffed. "Like Q didn't write the book on cheating and interference. You especially."
Giles eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by 'You especially'?"
Her own eyes wide and as luminous as she could make them on short notice, she said, "What do you mean, 'What do you mean by "You especially"'?"
"Dawn! Why do I get the impression that there is something very important that you're withholding, young lady."
"Technically he's withholding it!" Dawn pointed at Q, who was closely observing Buffy as if she were a specimen in a museum without walls.
He glanced up only long enough to harrumph. Slowly circling the Slayer, he said, "Technically, my dear, *you* are the information being withhe--"
Q would have said more. Indeed he tried. There was just the small problem of Buffy's hand, once again, wrapped around his throat. It had shot it quick as a striking cobra as soon Q was close enough. No other part of her moved despite Q's scrabbling and spluttering.
"Dawn!" Giles snapped, putting his glasses back on for the first time since Q had appeared. "Amusing and gratifying though this may be, you *will* explain."
The snap and subsequent vertical flash of brilliant white light drew both their eyes to the now Q-less Buffy. The creature was once again across the room from Buffy, appearing even more annoyed if physically unharmed. "Yes, do! And renounce your claim on Little Miss Persistent while you're at it."
"Buffy's my sister, I will never again turn my back on her," Dawn said with cold certainty.
"Never *again*? And she's as much your sister as I am your child."
"I was young and self-centered and easily swayed by popular opinion," Dawn shot back, ignoring both her embarrassment and Q's second point.
"Young? Young!?" Q's laughter was mocking. "That's certainly rich, coming from an immortal entity." He quickly put up his hands. "Ah! I can already see the questions and accusations flying through your puny mortal minds, especially that one," he said gesturing to the still mostly-frozen Buffy. "And since someone refuses to do the honors, I suppose I have to."
"Yeah, because being the center of attention is *such* a hardship for you," Dawn muttered.
Q threw her a look that, had Buffy been able to see, she would have more than understood. Still giving the young woman a dirty look, he snapped his fingers.
When the invariable vertical flash of white light had cleared Buffy had joined their rough circle, still immobile albeit seated. "Now that we're all here, less get down to brass tacks, shall we? What a strange little saying... Why in the world would mortals want to-"
"Q!" came from several exasperated mouths including, to everyone's surprise, Buffy's.
"Don't go getting ideas, Slayer. It's just your face. You either, Key," he said turning a sharp eye on Dawn.
"Why did you take my sister?" Buffy growled. "For that matter, why did you come to the house that time?"
Giles startled. "Come to the house? The Slayer house? Why did you never tell us a demon--"
"I am *not* a demon!"
"--had approached you and Dawn."
"Because I couldn't remember," Buffy growled. "Not until he flashy thingied Dawn away from me at the mall today."
Q gave them a very Gallic shrug. "You were so very tetchy at our first meeting. I was worried for your heart. Mortals are so painfully fragile. Trust me, I know. Besides," he said, gesturing again towards Dawn, "I was there for *her*, not you. Annoying a Slayer isn't nearly as amusing as it sounds.
"Be that as it may!" Q said as he threw his hands up to stall the next round of questions and threats. "Only some of us in this room are immortal. For those of you dying by the moment, here's your proverbial 'Cliff Notes' edition. The being to know as your little sister is not actual flesh and blood but an omnipotent--"
"Semi-omnipotent," Dawn interrupted.
Q went on as if she hadn't spoken, "--omnipresent--"
"Again only semi, or did you not leave your newest space toy in a bind so they wouldn't notice that were taking care of business somewhere else?"
Throwing Dawn another dirty look, Q ground out, "--omniscient being."
"Seemingly-omniscient," Dawn said tartly, "otherwise it wouldn't have taken you this long to find me."
Q pointed an accusing finger in Dawn's direction. "How do you put up with...with...with that!?"
Buffy would have shrugged if she could. Instead she settled for saying, "She's my little sister. And our parents wouldn't let me trade her for a golden retriever puppy. You learn to deal."
Q gaped at the nonchalant Slayer as Giles pinched the bridge of his nose (he'd heard the tried to trade my little sister for a cute puppy story in detail). "You're not even kidding, are you?" There was a note of disturbed awe in Q's voice. "You attempted to give away one of the treasures of the universe in exchange for slobbering canid."
"Golden retriever don't slobber! I think. I'm pretty sure. What?" Buffy narrowed her eyes as Q continued to gape at her. "You don't have younger siblings, do you?"
"There's no such thing in the Continuum."
"Lucky you."
"Hey!"
"And now you know why I wanted to trade her for a puppy."
"You mean to say she's like this all the time?"
"Pretty much," Buffy said as Giles nodded, "Indeed."
"And...will she grows out of it."
"One hopes."
"Doubtful."
"Hey!"
"Well..." Buffy started in a conciliatory tone, "to be fair you're, like, way better now than you were when you were 13."
"Hey--" Dawn pursed her lips. "Okay that might be actually fair."
"This is better?" Q said, eyes wide.
"Sure," Buffy confirmed. "Giles? I think Dawn is way better than she was when she was a teenager, don't you?"
"Ye gods, yes."
"Giles!"
"Sorry, m'dear."
Arms crossed over her chest and pouting like the 13 year old she no longer was, "Just hand me over on a silver platter, why don't you."
"No!" Q's eyes were wide and frightened. "The Continuum can handle one Brat Prince. We'll break the multiverse if I take you back." Expression becoming less open, he added, "What will I play with then?"
Buffy's answering smile held a few too many teeth when she said, "I can make some suggestions."
"I swear you mortals are all the same, and Slayers are just worse. I can't wait for you to meet a Klingon. Not," he pointed a finger at Dawn, "this Slayer, but later in her line."
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a look that belied her age. "Like duh."
"I'll come back for you in, oh, 50 standard Terran years. I expect you to have gotten rid of this childish fixation you have with these humans."
"Ha! I will when you will." Dawn blew him a raspberry.
Which Q returned.
"Children! Enough!" Giles snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You, Q, I assume the enchantment on Buffy will disappear when you do."
"For the last time, I am not-- Oh forget it! Yes, yes, my 'evil enchantment' will end when I go away." Tossing one last glare at Dawn, he said, "Do enlighten them sometime this decade, hmm?" With that Q snapped his fingers and disappeared in a vertical flash of brilliant white light.
Buffy immediately shot out of her chair. She leapt the few steps to where Dawn was standing and squeezed her tight.
"Buffy! Ribs! Need those!"
Pulling away from her little sister, Buffy examined her quickly but thoroughly. "You're really okay."
"Witches honor," she said, wiggling her nose as she made the hands gesture from Bewitched.
Buffy snorted. "I'm telling on you to Willow."
Giles joined them, enfolding both young women in a paternal hug. Releasing them, he directed his words to Dawn when he said, "Alright young lady, no more misdirection. We were there for your childhood, real and created. We will not be so easily or handily redirected as that...that...chaos demon?"
He and Buffy looked at Dawn expectantly.
"Um, the world is weirder than you know?"
Giles sighed. "Dawn"
"Seriously, Dawnie," Buffy said, hands on her hips, "we know this story. I helped write the latest revision."
Dawn flapped her hands at them. "No, seriously. Remember how I'm there Key of the universe?"
"I don't think it's possible for us to forget, my dear," Giles said but it was clear that good patience was stretched thin.
"Okay, so first Q isn't a demon, he's an alien."
"Like little green men alien?"
"Obviously not."
"Hey I'm just trying to, like, get the differentiation."
Both Giles and Dawn stared at the Slayer.
"What? What'd I say?"
"Nothing, my dear. Do go on, Dawn. You say that this Q is an...an alien."
"Yeah. A world hopping, mischief making, good sleep ruining alien. I mean a few worlds *have* worshiped him as, like an evil god or general bringer of destruction, but he was just messing with them. For fun."
"For fun," Buffy repeated.
"Sometimes with a dash of justice."
"He sounds right up my slay alley."
"You can't. He's not eternal, but he is immortal, and so old he might as well be eternal. Him...and the rest of the Q."
Giles frowned. "Q is his, his species and not his name."
"Both."
"That's rather conceited."
"They're all called Q. And, to be fair, they're all rather conceited. Q, um our Q, is the only one that cares to actively involve himself in mortal affairs, though, so it's actually less confusing than you'd think," Dawn added with a nervous smile.
Giles gently pulled off his glasses, polished them, then replaced them before asking the obvious. "And how do you know so much about this Q and all the other Q and their...their whatever he called it."
"The Continuum."
"Yes that."
"Yeah, that," Buffy said, eyes narrowed and more obviously impatient for answers. "You still got some 'splainin to do, Dawnie."
"Um, yeah... Uh... That Key thing again? Okay, before I say, just know that I remembered all this stuff at the same time Buffy remembered that Q had visited us at the house a few months ago."
"...'Kay, now spill already."
"So, it would appear that I am less the Key to the universe the way a key opens a door, and more the Key to the universe the way a legend is the key to reading a map?"
"Ooookay," Buffy said as Giles made a 'go on' gesture, because it was clear from Dawn's unease that there was more.
"Specifically I'm the Key to the Continuum. And the Continuum is not just the name of a group of Q, or where they hang out. The Continuum is the Q and the Q are the Continuum. And it's also where they hang out," she added, gesturing lamely.
"A group of, how did you put it," Giles said, thinking, "semi-omnipotent, semi-omnipresent, seemingly-omniscient--"
"Which is the truthiest truth, but from a mortal point of view it's easy to see why different worlds have assumed they were gods or demons."
“-beings…created you? Your Key form, I mean.”
“Uh…no? I mean, I wouldn’t exist without them, but they didn’t make me. I, like, came with the package?”
“And they need you.”
“Not, like, actively. But to be, like, alive and stuff? Yeah, total needage.”
Buffy frowned. “So then what about Glory and the monks of Dagon?”
Dawn rolled her eyes as only she could have, pointing a fist towards the air. “*Someone* could have stepped in anytime to make that Glory thing a non-thing, but noooo. Too busy playing space-judge. I swear. As for the Monks of Dagon…” Here she glanced at Giles, as if to confirm her story. “Um, he was kinda a pagan god, severely lacking in monks, although he did have priests way back in the BCE.”
“What?” Now Buffy turned to Giles.
Who coughed delicately into his fist. “Yes, well, apparently there had been quite a bit of debate on who exactly the creators of the Key were and whether they were truly followers of a pagan fish-god best known for being, well, a merman, the god of fertility, and quite literally falling to pieces in the presence of the Ark of the Covenant.”
Both young women stared at him until he added, “Er, apparently most of the debaters either died by mysterious means or went mad, and so the debate has largely been left alone.”
Dawn turned to Buffy. “Yeah, so, we can totally end the debate. I’m not a fish baby. But I am still mystical! Mystically alien!”
“So,” Buffy drew the word out as she tried to summarize everything, “these, for lack of a better description, all-powerful, all-everywhere, all-knowing Q are aliens-“
“Uh huh.”
“Who are both a Continuum-“
“Yeah.”
“-and part of a Continuum.”
“Yeah.”
“Which I guess makes it all-everything, too.”
“I guess, but it’s way boring, so…”
“And you are the Key…the legend or whatever, to all of…that. Wouldn’t that sorta still make you the Key to the Universe.”
Dawn did a little ‘ta-da!’ dance. “Hello, I’ll be your brain-break for the afternoon. How can I break your brain today.”
Buffy’s face crumpled. “It’s not even Apocalypse season!”
In[Fin]ite
Note2: Before I am justifiably chastised for not tagging my work, I don't actually think this piece should be counted. Considering how long it took me to write, and how long it took me to post, and how people have busting their butts putting out amazing work within allotted timeframe, this work doesn't deserve to be counted with everyone else's. But I wrote this for you guys. Not that anyone asked for it, lol, but if not for the FAD this story probably wouldn't exist. Plus, September is the traditional time for editing & reposting ;)