I'm not trippin' okay?

[twistedfishcake]

I was walking around downtown and this guy was trippin' balls, right? So I just walked across this puddle and then he starts pointing at me and saying that I can walk on water and shit. So they started worshipping me and calling me their savior just cause I happen to have some wine in backpack

Comments

[notadolly]

Don't worry. I'm too tired from trying to fix the heat all day to yell at you- and my fingers are frozen enough that that burn mark on the floor isn't seeming so unreasonable. Just... we'll get a space heater or something, alright? And maybe one of those big down comforters.

I've been around the complexes, Naruto- it's too fucking cold to even attempt to go anywhere right now, and I don't like using the 'Do it or because I'm the leader' bit to get chauffered around because it makes me feel like an asshole. It's just I've either been with Neji, working, or in the basement trying to figure out just what the fuck is wrong with our heating/plumbing/everything in this building.

So far, I have the plumbing fixed. But that's really it. And the hot water is at least on, so you could try taking a shower to take the edge off.

But since you cannot get rid of them, I will have to get rid of them, and I don't want to hear anything about HOW I get rid of them, okay? They are transient loafing squatters with no redeeming qualities(unlike your loafish self) and were in our apartment this morning EATING MY COFFEE CAKE, and I dislike them. Therefore, they will either leave when I tell them, or I'll have to employ more creative methods.

They'll be gone by the end of the night, though. It's up to them how they decide to leave.

[twistedfishcake]

Hey, you gonanas pay for somsthisng tlike this, smegasgma?

oh fukck my asss sidineways. I'm like druink ro orsomething.

Wanna fighit?

[notadolly]

*blinks, and translates mentally as though he must do this often*

No. I am too sober too fight.

Maybe if you take me out for a pitcher.

Or, more responsibly, you should have a glass of water and go to bed. It is at least warm there. How much did you drink? Enough to throw up, or enough that I need to make up a fake name for you when you get alcohol poisoning and I have to drag you to the hospital?

[twistedfishcake]

nonoe of the above man. I can takes you out for a pitcher. I'm still sober eough for that. You want I should kick you in ase ear?

I fuckin want my awife dude.

nohopsigs. I fucking hate ahipsotils.

[twistedfishcake]

Hey, sorry about that. I was pretty damn drunk.

I took a shower, man. The water was a little brown, but it was still warm, so it was good.

No more zombie attacks, okay? That was just too weird. And we don't need anymore dead bodies around here.

[notadolly]

It's alright. I'm quite good at translating from Drunk to English.

The pipes should clear out after you take a few more showers. There's just a lot of sediment. I am glad it works, however. I've only read a few20 books or so on plumbing.

No more zombie attacks. You know I fucking hate zombies. And besides that... you... if anything ever... well, nevermind. They aren't around here, persay.

[twistedfishcake]

I would think you'd be fluent by now. How about English to Drunk? Or Lush? Can you translate Lush? Or Alcoholic? Oooh ooh. What about Swede?

You've been saying that since we moved in. I've got a pirate copy of plunging for dummies around here somewhere... Er, wait. Wrong title. No, I don't. But I did steal some grapefruit from the corner market.

I fuckin' hate 'em too. Huh? What? Out with it, doucheband.

[notadolly]

Ja, men endast under fullmånen.

Well, my definition of 'a few' is 'less than fifty.' I am fairly certain the plumbing is working now that I'm through with it. Please don't try to 'fix it.'

Nothing. Just don't... like, die. Soon. Okay. Eventually is alright though. Maybe.

[twistedfishcake]

You make it sound like all my 'fix its' are really 'break its'. Feh. Asshole.

Dude... you're not going to have another one of those 'religious experiences' on me again, are you?

And why are fixing the toliet again? What have I told you about flush toliets? Fuckin' hell, man.

[twistedfishcake]

You make it sound like all my 'fix its' are really 'break its'. Feh. Asshole.

Dude... you're not going to have another one of those 'religious experiences' on me again, are you?

And why are fixing the toliet again? What have I told you about flush toliets? Fuckin' hell, man.

[notadolly]

Because they usually are. Though you're not bad with electrical appliances, I'll give you that.

Religious experience? What the hell are you talking about?

I'm fixing the toilet so that there isn't a horrible toilet explosion. I don't care if we use it or not; in this building, if one toilet is broken, the others will follow suit, and I am not at all reluctant to say that I am in no mood to deal with the... smelly repurcussions of that.

[twistedfishcake]

hell yeah! Remember that blender I 'fixed'? *grin* That was the shit! Did you see that thing spin!! We coulda hacked up diamonds with that thing.

This is how those things start. You start talking about me dying and then you get all religious and trip out and start talking about birds, posies and glue. Like that one time we were tripping and we found that poppy patch and you thought we had died and gone to heaven and I just thought we got sucked into a black hole and dropped off in Wizard of Oz land and then you got to talking about 'how do we know we're really alive' and ...shit, where was I going with this?

Don't start.

I'll put in a backup compost toliet and we can use it for our guerilla garden. It'll be stellar.

[notadolly]

That thing was incredibly dangerous and could have caused great chaos if it had fallen into the wrong hands. I fully commend you for it.

Oh... yes, I remember that... that's not a religious experience, Naruto, that's called 'megalomaniacy' and 'refusal to die.' But really... I don't intend to die and as such, you won't either if I can help it. *completely serious stare*

Posies? I don't think they fit into the equation, unless I was talking about pockets full of them.

Good. And we should set rat traps out... *almost grins* Let me make them. They'll be... much more effective than the store-bought kind. Remember that one I made to catch Big Ralph, the sewer rat? With the spoon, the insides of a Chatty Kathy, and the pimento jar? That was a full success, I think.

[twistedfishcake]

If only I could get you to say that about everything I make... then my life would be a complete success!

Yeah, yeah, I don't need the ascension lecture again. I've heard it 200 times by now, I know it. Grapefruit and meditation are the key, yadda yadda.

Maybe it was daffodils. My memory isn't so great after I ate those pills on the floor. Or running from zombies while I was naked cause that woman stole my clothes. No, not that one, the other one. Then, that rash that broke out because I ran through that field--the one that I thought was pot and wasn't--good thing I didn't smoke that shit. And the leeches... And that one dude who the only English word he could speak was 'penis' and I kept trying to teach him 'dick' 'cock' and 'meat snake'.

Dude, that was like the best five minutes of my life.

[notadolly]

The day that happens is the day tut rises. My apologies for getting your hopes up, but I still haven't forgotten about what happened to all my scarabs.

I haven't said it 200 times. And maybe if you didn't eat shit off the floor I wouldn't have to remind you.

I can only say that it is all too fortunate that I was around most of the time. Except for the leeches, but that was really your fault and I can't be your keeper all the time. You understand.

Oh no, you were sailing for hours. I had to smack you now and then, though, because you started sleeping all over me, and you didn't exactly smell too nice. Also the leeches.

[twistedfishcake]

Ah, but those... those were an ACCIDENT. How many times do I have to tell you?? Maybe he'll rise tomorrow.

Okay, maybe it was like 347 times. I can't help it. It's called "Livin'". Maybe you've heard of it? L-I-V-I-N.

Yeah, thanks, you trout-sniffting cock munch. You coud've at least PULLED THEM OFF ME! before I fell asleep with those things on me. But no, it was just too funny to you.