A Bullet 2 The Head
I guess I owe you all a major recap so I'll give you the run-down with excerpts from my blog so you know where my head is at right now...
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sept. 12th::"My life has been a series of ups and downs which to some may seem picture perfect but on the inside its not as "glamorous" as some may assume. I have a knack for cutting off friends once they've outstayed their welcome even though eventually I may need them and reconcile. I'm pretty good at hurting those whom love me (outside of my family that is) and then torment myself with the could have's and should have's though I know there is nothing I can do to change the past.
Recently I've been thinking a lot on what I should do within my personal relationships. I still haven't let go of one ex-boyfriend in my heart, am selfishly stringing along another whom I know is in love with me, and am completely infatuated with this kid at work who is the epitome of the bad boy you should never waste your time on..."
((All in all its Rodney - My Heart, Archie - In Love With Me, & Jon - Man Whore From Work))
Sept. 13:: "I told my friend to give Rodney my new digits so we will see if that happens or not. Even if she does do it he probably won't call me and then I'll be kind of pissy and hurt by the gesture but hey, I tried, and that's all I'm going to do."
Sept. 15:: "Jon called himself flirting with me the whole time but it was all kind of raunchy flirtation if you follow me. I told him about talking to some friends outside of work that had known him and told me not to talk to him so he HAD to know the names of these individuals. He even tried to pull the whole, "I'm a virgin too" deal on me but I had to shut that down with the information about my friend finding bras in his room. I told him my friend Megan told me about it and he was like, Megan who?? My comeback was how many girls does he have in his room. This is the kicker right here, "DOES IT MATTER AS LONG AS YOU'RE ONE OF THEM?" Tell me that is not wrong! After that I told him not to talk to me because I was pissed off and you know, of course, the warning didn't help. Somehow we got on the topic of making out and he's all, "I love making out too...but only with you." Why are boys so stupid?!
The highlight of the day was just hearing that my friend had been cool and given Rodney my cell phone number. I asked her how he reacted when she gave it to him and she said he got all geeked about it and was like, "Man, I haven't talked to her in a minute!" She asked me if he called that day but I'm not sure because I was up north at the cabin and I had no service on my phone. I got calls from like three people saying they had called me but my phone wasn't working. Hopefully I didn't miss him. That would bite..."
\AFTER ALL OF THE BULLSHIT HERE COMES THE LIFE-ALTERING DAY/
Sept. 18::"Sometimes you wake up and life slaps you in the face and suddenly you realize that everything that you thought was important was just bullshit and everything that you pushed along the wayside means the world to you. My cousin, Curt, was shot and killed Thursday at a gas station because of what he had. He was a big time drug dealer in our city and because he had so much so quickly he was envied. If you've ever read my story WOUNDED then you may recall me writing the line "thugs die a thug's death". I never thought that that would ever relate to my personal life or hit so close to home when I wrote it but suddenly there it is.
All of my little dramas with my guys seem so insignificant right now. Why am I even wasting my time on these people? Jon is just entertainment. Archie is sweet when he wants to be but if my heart isn't with him then why string him along? Rodney means the world to me and if I can ever get him back in my life I'll never let him go but if he doesn't want that anymore then I'm not going to try to make him feel something he may or may not feel.
This music thing...it means a lot more to me then I've been portraying recently and though I may not be the next Whitney Houston I've got something going for me because people are listening. Why sleep on it? If there's anything that I should take from my cousin's death its that you should live to the fullest. I can't imagine what he was going through as he lay on that pavement but I wonder did he wish he had more time? Did he wish that he had done more with his life? Should I do more with mine? Should YOU do more with yours?"
--------------------------------------------------------------
Have a nice f'in day you guys! - Nik
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sept. 12th::"My life has been a series of ups and downs which to some may seem picture perfect but on the inside its not as "glamorous" as some may assume. I have a knack for cutting off friends once they've outstayed their welcome even though eventually I may need them and reconcile. I'm pretty good at hurting those whom love me (outside of my family that is) and then torment myself with the could have's and should have's though I know there is nothing I can do to change the past.
Recently I've been thinking a lot on what I should do within my personal relationships. I still haven't let go of one ex-boyfriend in my heart, am selfishly stringing along another whom I know is in love with me, and am completely infatuated with this kid at work who is the epitome of the bad boy you should never waste your time on..."
((All in all its Rodney - My Heart, Archie - In Love With Me, & Jon - Man Whore From Work))
Sept. 13:: "I told my friend to give Rodney my new digits so we will see if that happens or not. Even if she does do it he probably won't call me and then I'll be kind of pissy and hurt by the gesture but hey, I tried, and that's all I'm going to do."
Sept. 15:: "Jon called himself flirting with me the whole time but it was all kind of raunchy flirtation if you follow me. I told him about talking to some friends outside of work that had known him and told me not to talk to him so he HAD to know the names of these individuals. He even tried to pull the whole, "I'm a virgin too" deal on me but I had to shut that down with the information about my friend finding bras in his room. I told him my friend Megan told me about it and he was like, Megan who?? My comeback was how many girls does he have in his room. This is the kicker right here, "DOES IT MATTER AS LONG AS YOU'RE ONE OF THEM?" Tell me that is not wrong! After that I told him not to talk to me because I was pissed off and you know, of course, the warning didn't help. Somehow we got on the topic of making out and he's all, "I love making out too...but only with you." Why are boys so stupid?!
The highlight of the day was just hearing that my friend had been cool and given Rodney my cell phone number. I asked her how he reacted when she gave it to him and she said he got all geeked about it and was like, "Man, I haven't talked to her in a minute!" She asked me if he called that day but I'm not sure because I was up north at the cabin and I had no service on my phone. I got calls from like three people saying they had called me but my phone wasn't working. Hopefully I didn't miss him. That would bite..."
\AFTER ALL OF THE BULLSHIT HERE COMES THE LIFE-ALTERING DAY/
Sept. 18::"Sometimes you wake up and life slaps you in the face and suddenly you realize that everything that you thought was important was just bullshit and everything that you pushed along the wayside means the world to you. My cousin, Curt, was shot and killed Thursday at a gas station because of what he had. He was a big time drug dealer in our city and because he had so much so quickly he was envied. If you've ever read my story WOUNDED then you may recall me writing the line "thugs die a thug's death". I never thought that that would ever relate to my personal life or hit so close to home when I wrote it but suddenly there it is.
All of my little dramas with my guys seem so insignificant right now. Why am I even wasting my time on these people? Jon is just entertainment. Archie is sweet when he wants to be but if my heart isn't with him then why string him along? Rodney means the world to me and if I can ever get him back in my life I'll never let him go but if he doesn't want that anymore then I'm not going to try to make him feel something he may or may not feel.
This music thing...it means a lot more to me then I've been portraying recently and though I may not be the next Whitney Houston I've got something going for me because people are listening. Why sleep on it? If there's anything that I should take from my cousin's death its that you should live to the fullest. I can't imagine what he was going through as he lay on that pavement but I wonder did he wish he had more time? Did he wish that he had done more with his life? Should I do more with mine? Should YOU do more with yours?"
--------------------------------------------------------------
Have a nice f'in day you guys! - Nik