(no subject)
life's a shitshow. i'm sure most of you knew this.
the cons of this past week or so:
-i haven't had the time/energy/brainpower/whatever to go to the grocery store or CVS for weeks. I officially have no razor blades, one serving of shampoo, and no milk or food. unless you count pudding and peanut butter and rice. i don't.
-i am absolutely exhausted, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel
-i still have no job, and therefore no place to live
-since i have no food, i have eaten prettymuch nothing but fast food/restaurant food in over a week
-i get nasty headaches ("tension headaches!" ellie chirped at me when i described the symptoms) at least once a week, and they make me nauseous
-i drive so much that my brakes on my car when from bad to deadly in 48 hours. i was at the mechanic for almost 4 hours. i got home at 10pm.
-brian is starting to move away, and even i'm surprised at how horribly i'm taking this change so far. lots of sobbing, and even, to my shock, a little hyperventilating. you would think i like him or something.
-i got sideswiped by a metro bus. my sideview mirror is currently dangling from the front of my car.
-i lost my check card, and have been using my credit card as cash, because i have no cash. also, every time i have time to actually go to the bank, i'm nowhere near one. boo work.
-i haven't started packing yet
-everyone else in the copa has started packing
-i still haven't gotten on top of all of the sweet, clever, nice things i have in mind for the people around me
-i have PMS on top of everything.
the pros of this past week or so:
-i had another job interview that i feel good about today
-work is going well
-my room...well...was clean
-i love brian's family and they like me back
-all of this stress and craziness leaves me no time to worry about things like body image
-....i really thought this list was going to be longer
the part that worries me most is that by the time things like my job, my insurance, and moving are settled, i'm going to have a new, bigger, more intense list of worries. for example: what books do i need? when are my classes? do i actually know how to teach any of this shit? how long do i have to commute alexandria to rockville before i find my own place? will i be able to afford it once i find what i'm looking for? will my roomate respect my neat-and-tidy preferences, and know to leave me to my studies? am i going to see brian enough for this relationship to not fall apart completely? are my students learning anything? when exactly is training? can i get off from mad science so that i can actually go? will this happen without burning bridges? are my friends okay? am i overstaying my welcome with a couple that hasn't been married all that long? can brian sleep over there without things getting weird? am i ever going to catch up on reading and homework long enough to go visit him? will i ever actually see the copa again (until someone gets married)? do i like my school district? is this where i belong?
the theme of this year is 'no f*cking clue'
i'm up in 8 hours. goodnight and much lurve.
the cons of this past week or so:
-i haven't had the time/energy/brainpower/whatever to go to the grocery store or CVS for weeks. I officially have no razor blades, one serving of shampoo, and no milk or food. unless you count pudding and peanut butter and rice. i don't.
-i am absolutely exhausted, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel
-i still have no job, and therefore no place to live
-since i have no food, i have eaten prettymuch nothing but fast food/restaurant food in over a week
-i get nasty headaches ("tension headaches!" ellie chirped at me when i described the symptoms) at least once a week, and they make me nauseous
-i drive so much that my brakes on my car when from bad to deadly in 48 hours. i was at the mechanic for almost 4 hours. i got home at 10pm.
-brian is starting to move away, and even i'm surprised at how horribly i'm taking this change so far. lots of sobbing, and even, to my shock, a little hyperventilating. you would think i like him or something.
-i got sideswiped by a metro bus. my sideview mirror is currently dangling from the front of my car.
-i lost my check card, and have been using my credit card as cash, because i have no cash. also, every time i have time to actually go to the bank, i'm nowhere near one. boo work.
-i haven't started packing yet
-everyone else in the copa has started packing
-i still haven't gotten on top of all of the sweet, clever, nice things i have in mind for the people around me
-i have PMS on top of everything.
the pros of this past week or so:
-i had another job interview that i feel good about today
-work is going well
-my room...well...was clean
-i love brian's family and they like me back
-all of this stress and craziness leaves me no time to worry about things like body image
-....i really thought this list was going to be longer
the part that worries me most is that by the time things like my job, my insurance, and moving are settled, i'm going to have a new, bigger, more intense list of worries. for example: what books do i need? when are my classes? do i actually know how to teach any of this shit? how long do i have to commute alexandria to rockville before i find my own place? will i be able to afford it once i find what i'm looking for? will my roomate respect my neat-and-tidy preferences, and know to leave me to my studies? am i going to see brian enough for this relationship to not fall apart completely? are my students learning anything? when exactly is training? can i get off from mad science so that i can actually go? will this happen without burning bridges? are my friends okay? am i overstaying my welcome with a couple that hasn't been married all that long? can brian sleep over there without things getting weird? am i ever going to catch up on reading and homework long enough to go visit him? will i ever actually see the copa again (until someone gets married)? do i like my school district? is this where i belong?
the theme of this year is 'no f*cking clue'
i'm up in 8 hours. goodnight and much lurve.