if you could only live ONE day of the past week ive been through, or see the shit other people have to go through- you would never say what you just said. but then again, you dont know..so you woudlnt know not to say that. you were the closest person to me, and then you call me and say ali i have to tell u that im not coming to tampa nexxt year bc you didnt like the lifestyle we were living? indirectly you are saying that chanell and I are not living good lives that have a potential future. we grew up differently from you, which is fine. you came into college and you became friends w/ me, AND moved in w/ me, KNOWING how i do. when y ou are in tampa you are strong willed person with a good head on y our shoulders and you know what you want and youll get it. but when you go home, your parents and friends who have a complete difff.lifestyle then you,chanell, or any of us have in tampa, then you start to doubt yourself. and thats not the karina i knew. ive felt sick and even did get sick the past few days..ever since you told me..my mom and everyone ask me whats wrng and theres no point in explaining bc theres no words to express how disappointed or sick i feel about this shit. normally, i would say do whats best for you. but youve been doing whats ONLY best for you for the past few months- and u dont speak to anyone about it, you just do it. we had plans to live together, go visit so and so at colleges, go to peru, buy a kick ass bong and just chill all year. as well as kicking some major ass in classes, and you were eve going to help me w/ spanish. but, now everythings changed. and you didnt even call me or chanell to discuss it w/ us.u just told us, like we didnt matter. thats wuts up and thats why im so pissed. its just not y ou anymore, thats all. i wish it was cuz damn karina, i dont feel ive loved or put myself out there for anyone the way i did you. im sorry this all is happening. I mean iin my eyes your making a HUGE mistake,HUGE. because look how much youve grown up and how much youve been opened to the world and all those games ppl can play-well now you know wuts up and you can handle your shit. maybe we didnt expose you to the best of things, but we deffinately helped y ou grow. and there were 3 or 4 more years of being w/ us and learning and growing and having crazy ass times. but its like your ditching us bc your family doesnt live the same way. you know ill be fine. you know chanell will be fine. we just love you and it sucks. i do hope everythiung goes well at BCC or FIU or wherever your going. and good luck in tampa on the 23rd or whatever. and good luck for the future ahead- wish u were spending it w/ me.but just remember man, i was always here- i never left you. good luck.
Ok. U still don’t understand though ali, I never meant to hurt you cuz if anything u were the last person I wanna hurt cuz I do care about you. This decision was made by me, karina, no else had anything to do with it, not even my friends from here, not my family, no one, it was all me, I swear cuz u know I don’t listen to anyone but me. U know we werent living good lifes, I dunno about u or chanell, but for me, that is not life. That’s is not what I want it life, I dunno if that’s what u want or if it has a potential future ali but for me it doesn’t have a potential future. And yeah I moved in with you knowing how u do cuz I accepted u the way u r cuz I don’t judge, I might not agree, but I don’t judge, u know what u want, u do what u want, I can only be there to give u advice. Like u said, when I came to tampa I WAS a strong willed person with a good head on my shoulders, and that’s exactly who I am, I know what I want now, I didn’t before, cuz I dunno I was just experiencing new things which I did learn from them, a lot. I learn a lot from you too. And its not that then I go home and my friends and family have a completely diff. Lifestyle, is that I go back to tampa and I HAVE A COMPLETELY DIFF. LIFESTYLE. I wasn’t doing whats best for me, actually it was self destruction, I don’t even know how to explain it. I lost all my principles, morals and values ali, cuz I would never have sex with a guy just like that, im not sayin u would or w.e im just saying that I wasn’t like that, I wasn’t loving myself in a way cuz I was putting myself out there, I don’t even know why I am explaining this, I just hope u undertand. I didn’t discuss this to anyone, I had a choice and I just decided whats best for me, if u say that going back to tampa and continue living that lifestyle is best for me, then u deff. don’t know me, cuz ask chanell when I first met her, ask her how I was. And yeah, I’ve grown up and I’ve been open to the world but the thing is that I don’t want THAT for me, and that’s what u don’t understand. I don’t blame anyone for what I did, cuz u know I do what I want to do and having crazy ass times is not what life is all about ali, there is things beyond that. Yeah I like having fun and I will still have fun, but with limits, cuz if I learn something from this past year was that if you don’t put yourself the limits in life, u wont accomplish a lot, and I DIDN’T ACCOMPLISH A LOT. And u know that we had no limits. I am really sorry to hurt your feelings, if anything I only care about u ali but, men I just wish u could undestand me, and that I am doing this for myself, but u wouldn’t cuz we deff. grew up in a diff. Way. And I am not ditching u guys out because of my family and the way they live their life, I don’t call that ditching, I am doing what I have to do, sometimes in life there r moments where u just have to think in yourself, and I never had, I have always think about my friends first and then me, this time is diff, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about u or what u have to say. I just hope ali that u can open your eyes soon before its too late, cuz it took me a year to open them and when u do, gimme a call, cuz im gonna stilll be here, like always.
I like the way i live my life. the things i do each and everyday that are crazy or what not are the things that make me smile and have fun. i also have things going for me becaues i go to school and someday will have something. your trying to grow up and justify yourself way too quickly. theres nothing to be talked about and t heres nothing i need to change. I DID do something with my life this past year at school- i met you and a whole bunch of other ppl i had a blast w/..plus i got some credits done and am STARTING my life. it doesnt have to be perfect now. i mean what do you think life is supposed to be? what society expects it to be? working an 8am-5pm shift everyday? being a good person everday to those same people who will DICK you the fuck over one day? ..maybe thats you. but not me. As long as I have something going for me, im going to have as much fun as possible. we just have different views on life..its not that i dont understand you,i do.i just dont want to live the way you are starting to be. it was awesome being "buddy buddy" with you and having someone i can wak up each morning and be like YES i can call her and just chill and have nothing to worry about. thats the karina i know. i guess i dont know the other one. and i guess i was lucky enough to know you when you actually gave yourself a chance to be in reality. im gona miss you so much theres no words to describe it. im just numb from it all. but remember always take the road less traveled- youll find it a happier adventure. I love you , and I guess all I can say is I hope you feel youve made the best choice and have a good life man. see ya on the flip side.
oh and i just chilled n smoked a bowl so i can be calm and say this one final thing. your decision is your decision, im not trying to change it. i just want to say that you keep saying "this is how i was..im not me when im in tampa..this is how i am.." i think you are confused and dont really know where you even stand with yourself. who are you? what are your plans? because I know that I sure as hell want to be settled down,working, be in love,have things i want..etc...But as of now, your just learning what you really do want and who you are and what you want to be or do for yourself. and in between all this you have to deal with shit and go through shit, whether its good for y ou or not as a person.and in our case ,yeah, there was a hella lot of shit we had to ddeal with or sitll have to deal w/ but all together i feel like i know myself better. and i know you pretty damn well, and i just think that you deffinately have a good mentality and you can go on your own and be on y our own for sure, but theres just way too much mor you personally should learn about people, life in general and the works of i t, and about yourself. i dont want to be who i want to be in 10 years from now, at this moment. you feel like its not you when your "out there" in the world but its ok to change. i know i have become a different person this passed year..ive lost friends because of it and made them too. off and on i would like who i was and how i interacted with beings and i finally know I am how i want to be, just dont knwo what i want to do with that yet. but i feel you still need to reach that highpoint man. by running away from things that are not yet settled, will never leave you full. if you can understand what im saying, then y oull see. you know its true. your rushing when you should be chillin, chiefin on that blunt, working your way up. thats all i have to say. the end.
ok so u guys are misunderstanding everything i said, i jsut said that THAT LIFESTYLE doesnt work for me, i NEVER SAID if you smoke pot u cant be someone or w.e., i just said that me living that lifestyle, i wouldnt accomplish too much, thats me. I never meant to say that ali didnt understand because she is dumb or w.e u r saying i said rachel, so relax, cuz i was never attacking her or doubting her friendship cuz i know ali, and i know who she is and i know what she would do for me, i know that, so dont come and tell me all that shit. I have nothing else to say, and this is the last thing i write on this thing and read this thing cuz i know what i am, i know what i want and if anything, u guys dont know me apparently, i just wanted to make some things clear. i just hope ali u have a good life and i know that u r gonna be fine like u said. And just good luck in anything u do. And thats it. bye bye for ever wit this bullshit.
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